Shit Happens

Wow. Has it really been a month since I've posted?


Dude.


I have a little story to tell you so grab your barf bags and gather round, you're in for a treat.


One fine Sunday afternoon I come home after running a few errands, ready to finish my laundary and get my homework done. I was already feeling overwhelmed with the amount of homework and studying I had to get done that day so I was particulary anxious.


I walk into my house and see something on the floor in front of the bathroom door. I walk closer to investigate and realize that it was water from the toilet overflowing!


What? Did someone break into my house and try to flush a huge brown bomb down the toilet while I was gone?


So I open the bathroom door to stop the overflow. Bad idea. As soon as I open the door, brown water comes shooting out and starts flowing into my dining room.


WTF?


I look at the toilet and it is was litterly spewing shit. Shit water. Along with other things you find in a sewer. I was shocked. I knew I should turn off the water to the toilet but in order to do that I would have to wade through the shit water. And of course, without thinking, that's exactly what I did.


In my flip flops.


Gagging the whole time.


I turn off the water but it does nothing to stop the spewing toilet. Crap! Now what do I do? I stand back and just look helplessly as the water continues to saturate my dining room carpet. I need towells. Yes, thats what I need! So I throw off my flip flops and wash my feet off in the kitchen sink so I can run upstairs and grab my bath towels.


All of my bath towels.


I come back downstairs and by this time the water was creeping closer and closer to my kitchen table. So I drop the towels and have to move my kitchen table and chairs into the living room but in order to do that I have to move the couch and the automan first. So I finally finish rearranging my living room and get back to work at the matter at hand.





I try to create a dam the best I can with the bath towels. This seems to work for the moment and I was finally able to call a plumber and of course the soonest they could get there was in an hour.


An hour! My house would be full of shit by then! I hang up and start thinking, isn't there someway to turn off the water to the whole house? Maybe that will stop it. So I call my neighbor for his advice.


FYI: This is my next door, we share a wall, 50 year old single neighbor who likes to lay out in the back yard every time I do and periodically asks me out for drinks. (But that's a whole different story.)


Anyway...he's no help. I don't think he realized the magnitude of the situation, this wasn't just a little clogged toilet dude! Meanwhile the toilet is still going.


And going.


My towels are soaked, it's now leaking into the kitchen. I'm screwed. My landlord won't answer his phone, the plumber isn't going to be there for an hour so I call an emergency flood cleanup guy who also won't be there for 45 minutes!


So I just sit back and watch the sewer continue to make it's home in my house.


Turns out that there was a problem with the pipe outside my house. I live in a little subdivision of townhouses and the plumbing is set up so that each place has a pipe going directly from their toilet into the ground under the street & then combines into one big pipe that takes it out of the neighborhood.


The meeting point for everyone's pipes is right in front of my house soooo, when the main pipe got plugged, the sewer chose MY pipe, to MY toilet to MY house to use as it's exit.


So yes, I had the entire communitiy's poop in my house. And everything else they flush down the toilet. By the way whoever is flushing swiffer pads down their toilet needs to be shot. Just sayin.








Eventually the plumber got there and was able to remove the toilet and plug up the pipe to stop the sewer from coming in. My landlord finally got the message and came over after I had the flood guy and the plumber there working on the mess. He felt horrible, but he did stop and buy me donuts.


That makes everything better.


Thanks.


Anway so the past month I've been living in a construction zone. I got about 5 new roommates and they didn't even help with rent! The plumber dude, the flood dude, the carpet dude, the sanatizer dude, my landlord and a couple of construction workers lurking outside my house. They had to tear into my front yard and dig into the cement in my garage to get at the pipes.


Oh, and I forgot to mention that the flood seeped down through the floor and flooded into the basement too. Poop dripping from the ceiling.


Awesome.





So everything is pretty much cleaned up now, the kitchen floor still needs to be replaced but everything else is pretty much done.


Finally!


These pics are after the poop is all gone, I'll spare you any shitty pics.









Even though the bathroom is fixed, I don't go in there.


I refuse to use it.





It scares the shit out of me.