Sunday, November 30, 2008

My mean...apron.

I got a new apron this weekend and asked the Hubster to take a picture of it so I could show it off on the blog.

This is the picture he took:


I did finally get him to take some pics of the actual apron, not just my boobs:

I decided he's fired from taking pictures.

Friday, November 28, 2008

My Head Hurts

I just want to publicly announce that my head hurts. My head has been hurting for a week now. I can't sleep. I lay in bed with my hands on my head to protect it from the evil that is lying next to me. How can I sleep when I know that the minute I do there is a chance that I may not wake up?

How did this anxiety start? How did I get so paranoid?

When my husband tried to kill me in his sleep. I got an elbow to the head last week. Right in the soft spot. I woke up and thought my head had exploded and I immediately grabbed the top of my head to keep my brains from spilling out onto my pillow and screamed:


My husband, experiencing his own excruciating pain in his elbow, realized that my head must be feeling 10 times worse so he started apologizing and rubbing my head in attempt to fix any damage that he may have caused.

Of course this just made it worse because I thought he was trying to finish the job, if you know what I mean. But being in the half awake stupor that I was in, all I could do was yell why, why, why?!

Hubster finally managed to get a hold of me and kiss me better and he said I just fell right back to sleep like nothing had happened, I think that is when he drugged me.

Because my head still hurts. And I still can't sleep.

Monday, November 24, 2008


No mom, not smokes as in cigarettes.....Smokes as in my cat Smokey.

Smokey is not grey like you would think being that his name IS Smokey. No, he is actually a black and white cat. Don't ask me how he got his name because I don't know, we didn't name him, his previous owners did. His previous owners also ran over him and then abandoned him at the Vet Hospital, so the name was the least of their wrong doings.

After Smokey had healed, we brought him home from the hospital and now he is our own non-grey cuddly kitty.

Meet Smokey:

(He's the gay kitty on the right)

Among many of his peculiar antics, there is one that I was willing to spend $300 to get rid of.

Not scratching on furniture.

Not tearing up toilet paper and leaving it strewn across the living room.

Not even leaving a nest of cat hair on my side of the bed.

No, this habit is much worse than all these.

Smokey, like the good little cat he is, poops in the litter box. Thats great right? Oh it's fabulous except for one thing. After leaving his poop in the litter box to harden a bit, he sticks his head back into the box and picks up the poop with his mouth and brings it upstairs to my kitchen where he continues to bat the poop back and forth across my kitchen floor like it's any other toy.

Yep, cat poop. On my kitchen floor.

A kitty litter frosted terd!

I would try to catch him in the act so I could dispose of the poop right away and I thought I was doing a pretty good job staying on top of the issue. That is until I decided to sweep underneath the fridge one day. After I pulled the fridge away from the wall, there on the floor where the fridge once sat, was a mountain of kitty poop!

A mountain.

This had to stop! There is no way I could follow him to the litter box every time he "does his thang" to clean up after him, so I researched online and found my solution.

My $300 litter box:

This is not a kitty spaceship, this is an actual litter box. Everytime a cat does his thing, this magic dome rotates and disposes the poop into a hidden bin underneath.

I know there are cheaper litter boxes out there, but I've heard horror stories about those rakes that are used to scrape the poop away and how they can hurt your cat. Well, this spaceship has no rakes, nothing will harm my kitties here!

Ta Da! Problem solved!

Before we got Smokey, the only problem we had was that Dozer was always eating the kitty food. To solve this, we made the kitties thier very own room beneath the stairs. This is the door to thier private room:

Dozer gets very jealous that the kitties have their very own room of which he is not alound to step foot into, so he stands gaurd waiting anxiously for a kitty to pop his head out the little hole.

And when a kitty finally does, Dozer will stuff his nose into the little opening to block the kitties in and he starts blowing his nose in their faces.

He does this until I yell "Dozer!" At which point he looks up at me with this look on his face that says

"What? You said I couldn't step foot into their room, you said nothing about putting my nose in!"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Blood Suckin Sweetness

I figured there aren't enough Twilight posts out there so I thought I'd help everyone out and add my own.

I saw Twilight on Friday with the two hottest chicks around, Andrea & Talicia, and I was way too excited for the mature, grown woman that I am. But I wasn't the only one so I didn't care!


What a relief!

Edward was not this pale, skinny, zombie looking creature. After seeing this magazine cover, I was worried that Edward was going to suck (Ha! I really did just write suck without even thinking) I mean look at that picture! They couldn't have taken a worse photo, what were they thinking?! He looks possessed!

But in the movie, he looked like a totally different person, a sexy steamy bad ass blood suckin hunk of a man! For example, the hottest kissing scene ever:

That's right, this is a pic you're gonna wanna click on to get a closer look. Soak it up ladies, soak it up!

Now, here are the parts that these vampire movie makers did not give the Twilight book justice. If you haven't seen it, maybe you should stop reading here so that you aren't biased when you do.

1. Edward's shirt sleeve was rolled up higher on his left arm then on his right. Is there anything more annoying than that?

2. Rosalie was blah. In the book she is supposed to be the most beautiful vampire, in the movie...not so much!

3. Jasper looks constipated the whole time.

4. When Edward puts Bella on his back and takes off running, he sticks his arm out above his head and looks like fricken Peter Pan. Come on!

5. After the baseball scene the Cullens just look silly when they hiss at the vampires in James' Coven. Just silly.

But overall I thought it was good, so good that I am now reading the first Twilight book.


But who hasn't read it more than once?

Friday, November 21, 2008

Confessions of an Addict

All my life I've had a love affair with cold cereal. Not one, but many affairs. If I had my choice, I would eat cold cereal for every meal of every day. That would be heaven to me.

But it is not until recently that my love affair has caused a problem with my domestic duties. Now I fear that on my road to becoming Bree I have taken a wrong turn on the "I Must Eat Cereal Every night Instead Of Making Dinner" Street.

I of course LOVE this street! There's no speed limit, the road is paved with Fruity Pebbles and lined with Apple Jacks Trees and fields of Rice Krispies and waterfalls of milk. Heck, it even snows Frosted Flakes here! I feel like Homer Simpson skipping down the graham cracker pavement with the chocolate bunnies!

My hubster, however, has suffered.

Unlike me, he needs real food for dinner. I don't know why, but he does. So while I've been speeding down my fruity pebble highway with the top down and my head back with my mouth wide open to catch any frosted flakes falling from the sky, he has had to fend for himself.

This is a problem. I come home from work starving and all my belly wants is Frosted Mini Wheats, or Lucky Charms, or Honey Nut Cheerios. So I give in and eat a bowl....or two....or three, so by the time Hubster gets home from work....I'm full and when I'm full I'm done.

I don't want to cook dinner for just one person, it's hard enough finding recipes for just two people. I used to plan my meals on Sunday for the week and have the grocery shopping done and my ingredients ready to go.

Not anymore.

How can I maintain my love affair for cereal and feed my husband at the same time? The poor guy hasn't complained...much, and he has been making his own dinner for weeks now.

When I go to the grocery store, I don't feel like buying anything else but cereal so sadly our fridge has been neglected a bit. Last night as I was lying in bed, I swear I heard a muffled cry coming from the kitchen and I swear to you every time I open that refrigerator door, the light dims. I think my fridge is trying to tell me something.

So this is my cry for help, is there anyone else out there with this problem? Can we start a Cereal Addict Support Group?

I think it's time I stop this behavior. But before I do, I'd like to share my top 5 favorite cereals, and yes, they are all full of sugar!

So here's to you Cold Cereal!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pooba's My Porn Star Name

I work in downtown Salt Lake.

Before the whole demolition, er....I mean...."Downtown Rising" thing started, I would head over to the malls for my lunch break. Now, sadly, there are just huge holes where the malls once were....but that's a 'hole' different story. (Sorry, bad pun!) On many occasions I would be confronted by a homeless person (or a person pretending to be a homeless person) asking for change. I usually would just give them spare change if I had any, although one time I did give a bag of candy to a man with no teeth, I don't care what you think, I know HE appreciated it!

Oh, and another time after I gave a man a handful of pennies, he tried to give me his coat because I wasn't wearing one. Of course I declined. Not because it smelled of urine and was covered in dirt, sweat, and had 3 visible holes in it, but because I knew he needed it more than me.

I'm a very compassionate person you know.

So these little confrontations became a part of my daily routine, but one such occasion comes to mind that I will never forget, and I'll tell you it was the weirdest confrontation I've ever had.

Well, one of the weirdest.

So it was a typical warm and sunny day in downtown Salt Lake, I again was headed across the street to the mall to pick up lunch. I was by myself, I was was wearing my business skirt and top, and I was wearing my high heels. Normally I am about 5'10 & 1/2" but when wearing heals, I am a giant 6'2''!

I know....very scery!

So anyway I thought I looked pretty professional ya know? But apparently I was an easy target to a 3 foot man holding a video camera. I was in the middle of the cross walk and saw him out of the corner of my eye walking the opposite direction. We passed and I didn't think anything of it until I heard someone say,

"Hey miss, excuse me, miss?"

I turned around and nobody was there! Creepy I thought, and turned around to continue into the mall.

"Excuse me, um, down here!"

I turned around again and looked down and there he was. Standing 3 feet tall, he looked to be in his mid to late 20's, dressed casually but adorned with bling galore, and he was looking up at me with a little smirk on his face.

"Oh, um, yes?" I said to him. He sat there for a second and put his video camera in his bag and flat out asked,

"Will you be in a party video that me and my friends are filming?"

What? I just sat there and was trying to understand what he was asking me. So he stared at me with that same little smirk on his face while I stood there with my jaw sinking into the floor and my face turning a nice bright crimson color while flashes of those Girls Gone Wild commercials spun inside my head.

"You know, it's one of those "party" movies. Wanna be in it?" As I heaved my jaw from off the ground and stuffed it back into my head, I stammered,

" thank you."

Then I turned and ran like hell outta there! I didn't want to even think about what kind of video he could be making that involved a 6'2'' tall woman and a 3' tall man!

What did you think I would do, say yes?

Sorry to disappoint but what would you do?

Monday, November 17, 2008

More On the Bainster!

My hubster came home from work on Friday with a little surprise in his hand. And yes, this surprise made me cry.


I've had an emotional week to say the least! But inside the little bag he brought home was this:

I took a picture with my hand next to it so you can see just how HUGE Bain's paws were!

This dog was hilarious! Hubster and I always reminisce about Bain and his funny ways. So I'd like to share a few quirky things about that dang cute dog!

Here's a little background:

Bain's previous owner left him at the animal hospital with Parvo. My hubster works with his dad at the vet hospital and the owner couldn't pay to have him treated so instead of putting him down, the owner agreed that if anyone else was willing to take care of him, then they could have him.

Which is where we came in!

After Bain was better we brought him home and we could tell that something wasn't quite right. Because Bain was beaten as a puppy, he would not come out of his cage and was deathly afraid of humans.

So I spent many dog training classes carrying this HUGE puppy from the car to the classroom because he was too scared to walk. It was quite the adventure! The first time we went to training, he would not even walk onto the training floor, he bolted for the first dog cage he saw and wouldn't budge!

After many classes and lots of work, Bain started to come out of his shell and finally trusted us. And everyone who met Bain can tell you what a sweet dog he was, he didn't have a mean bone in his body.

Now, let me tell about his little OCD issues!

1. When coming inside from the backyard, Bain couldn't walk up the stairs to the deck right away. Instead he had to circle the stairs at least 3 times before he could go up them. Without fail, this was his routine every time!

2. He could not cross over a cord or hose or any line that was in front of him. If possible he would walk around it, or just run away.

3. He would not go through an open door unless it was wide open. Even if he could easily fit through the partially open door, he was too scared unless it was open ALL the way.

4. He LOVED car rides but could not jump into the back of our Hummer. Every time we took him anywhere, Bert had to lift him up to get him into the car. This was NOT an easy thing to do as you can see by the size of this dog!

5. When Bain would get excited, his teeth would start chattering like he was cold and he would do a little doggy dance by shuffling his feet. SO CUTE!

And Bain absolutely LOVED his older brother Dozer, they played tug-o-war and tag and then they'd both collapse from exhaustion and fall asleep outside. The were so cute together, Bain was always tagging along with Dozer.

So that huge freakin cute dog was the perfect puppy, I recommend anyone to get a Mastiff as a pet.

What I am not going to tell you is all the slobber I was constantly wiping off my walls, couches, toilets, floors, tables, rugs. This dog could even fling slobber onto the ceiling!

But I couldn't get mad at him, could you be angry at this cute "little" face?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Baby Who?

Well baby X-Ryker has a new name. But first let me show you some pics of the infamous tattoo that has sealed X-Ryker's fate.

For a little background read this first.

Here is the guilty party:

You can see the guilty party's tattoo on her right hand:

And now, the culprit:

Those little red things next to the vines are the initials of all her grandchildren.

And here is the incriminating evidence:

At the very bottom of that vine is the "R" written in red ink.

The "R" that can stand for anything but Rycker.

The "R" that is forever to blame for this poor baby's namesake.

The "R" that has indefinitely defined this baby's childhood nicknames.

The "R" that is to blame for all future name calling.

The "R" that has determined the initials sewn into this child's bathrobes. What? Doesn't everyone have their initials sewn into their bathrobes?

So, now that I've built up unnecessary suspense. The parents of this child have taken that "R" and transformed it into a "B" and the baby's new name will be:


Britt? Britt? From Rycker to Britt? Rycker was too common for them but Britt wasn't?

Whatever, I guess I can accept that but the only problem I have with this name is that NOBODY in Utah can pronounce it correctly. In Utah, we drop our T's completely off. Most people can pronounce the word mountain correctly, but in Utah we say mou'in.

My home town Layton is pronounced Lay'in. So this child will grow up with the name Bri' not Britt. So little Bri' only has half a name really. They might as well just leave the two t's off and write Bri' on his birth certificate.

Well, baby Bri' I love you but when you get here in 4 weeks, don't be mad at me if I call you Ryker once in a while, I can pronounce Rycker just fine.

Don't blame me, blame your grandma.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Shower For Her Belly

My mom, sister's and I threw my sister-in-law's belly a baby shower on Saturday. I don't know about you but I LOVE planning parties! I've always wanted to go all out on a party but this time we only had a week to plan so we did the best we could.


I found these adorable invitations at Zurchers so we based the party on the "Mod Mom Baby Shower" theme.

Starting with the best part, the table. This was so much fun! The frames, lotion, and candles were prizes for the winners of the games we played.

My baby sis called my confetti idea an "unnecessary mess". Come on what's a party table without cute, shiny, pink and blue baby confetti?

A big pile of stinky donkey doodoo that's what! So the confetti stayed :)

And my favorite part? Those fricken cute mini baby bottles! I found 40 of these empty pink & blue baby bottles and filled them with cute tiny pastel colored candy pearls. I put the baby bottles, blue wrapped mints and some other candy in the little bags for the party favors.

The punch bowl was all my mom and baby sis's doing, they filled it with "Special Water".

No "Special Water" does not mean Rum, Vodka, or Tequila. "Special Water" is just what our family calls LEMON WATER. C'mon this was a baby shower people!

Our lovely congratulations sign.

Here is the mother-to-be, well mother-to-be for the 3rd time I guess:

As you can see, my sis-in-law is always dressed fashionably with her makeup and accessories adorned to a T which is why I thought the "Mod Mom" baby shower theme would be perfect for her.

Here is the Father-to-be (for the 1st time!) playing with his cute nephew, he's gonna be a great Dad!

(Pay no attention to the HUGE growth on my brother's head, his wife must have hit him with a baseball bat or somethin)

Wanna know the BEST thing about Baby Showers? The BABIES!

This picture is the cutest! This is my nephew smoochin on my cousin's baby girl, Awwwwwww!

Babies Galore! My mom and I were in Heaven, I don't think we put a baby down for more than 5 minutes.

Here they are, the rest of the party planners. Mom, lil sis and baby sis. I'd like to publicly thank my lil sis for all the hard work, time and effort she put into making this baby shower happen, oh wait, all she did was show hour late.

Never mind.

While opening presents, my sis-in-law had to explain to my brother that the presents were for the baby, not for him! He cried a little but got over it (I think that's where the baseball bat came into play.)

It was so great to see all my aunts and cousins on my Mom's side that I haven't seen foreva!

Ok, for all of you bored out of your minds, let me end here with pics of all the girls from both sides.

Sorry this picture is blurry and crappy because my brother was the one that took the photo. But here are the girls on my side of the fam.

And here are the girls on their side of the fam. (Notice good picture quality because I was taking the photo :)

Notice the beautiful woman in the center of the photo, well if you read this post here, than you might want to know that she is the grandmother who got the tattoo. Thank you all for the cute baby name ideas, I will soon reveal what baby X-Rycker is going to be called!