Monday, August 31, 2009

Someone Else Had to Have Been Knocked Up and I'm 99% Sure it Wasn't Me

This summer it seems that we have had tons and tons of birthdays in my family. I swear we didn't have this many last year, did someone else have a kid that I don't know about? Lin? Lyse? Pretty sure it wasn't me.

Last week we celebrated the annual aging of my Mom and my sis in law Amy. My Mom is ancient. I mean old, elderly even.

And Amy is even ancienter. (It's a word, look it up.)

Ok wait, if Amy's 25, that means she had her son Jake when she was 6 or 7.

Damn Amy, talk about a head start! And here I thought Lindee started early!

What's a family get together without the couch picture? I swear I have a thousand pictures of that couch. It's very photogenic.

And so are these people:

I think Lindee won in the "Best Birthday Present Giver Contest" this time around because look what the brat gave my mom:

Mom's been wanting a picture of Logan and Brolan together forEVA and Lindee and Amy finally managed to get the two kids together in the same place and to even smile at the same time.

Ok I'll let you guys win this time, but just this once!

Speaking of Lindee, she was taking this picture of me & Al and she couldn't stop laughing. I thought she was laughing because I was trying to suck on Al's nipple. Nope, it's because I was getting bunny-eared from behind! I thought I was being so funny, sucking a nipple is a funny picture right? Right?

I am so not funny.

So as birthday parties go, there are presents and cake and babies getting high. Chad attempted to squirt some whip cream into Brolan's mouth but it back fired and exploded in both of their faces.

Don't you know you have to hold the bottle upside down in order for it to spray? Oh that's right, I think Chad has only used those bottles to get high so he's probably not aware of their other use.

(Don't go calling Child Protective Whatever; my brother was not trying to get Brolan high. No brain cells were lost in the making of this blog entry. Promise.)

FYI: I've updated the "About" and "Cast" links at the top of this blog so if you don't know who any of these crazies are, go check out those links.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Apparently I'm Mr. Rogers

I arrived home from work yesterday, like I do every day. Albert had beaten me home and was already standing in the kitchen reading the mail. As I set my purse down on the counter I noticed his shirt was unbuttoned and his wife beater was showing.

"Is that how you dressed for work today?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm very manly." He replied in his deep manly voice.

"You need to get rid of that wife beater to show off what little chest hair you have and maybe add a few gold chains." I smirked as I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him hello.

Just a regular day in the life. And just like every other day of the week we went to change out of our work clothes.

(I just realized that it sounds like this is leading to sex, but don't worry, that is not the point I am getting at. Please proceed.)

I change from my work attire into my home attire which includes a change of underwear. Alex notices what I'm doing and he looks at me as he is hanging up his shirt.

"You are like Mr. Rogers except with underwear." He claims.

"What?" I look at him in disbelief.

"Every day you come home and change out of your underwear into a new pair just like Mr. Rogers changes his sweaters!" He's now laughing at me wearing only his boxers and wife beater.

"I am NOT Mr. Rogers!" I demand.

(See, no sex is happenin here. Mr. Rogers isn't exactly a turn on.)

Ok, let me explain. I have different underwear that I wear for different things throughout my day. For work I have to wear a thong so that there are no panty lines in my work pants and skirts. Completely understandable right?

For home, I want to be comfy so I change out of the thong into a regular pair. Who wants to have wedgie all day long?

Well besides Lady Gaga.

Then I go to the gym. When I get home from the gym I change again. You don't want to spend the rest of the day in your gym clothes right? So I change my underwear too, which is now my third pair of the day.

Is that so wrong?

And obviously Albert has never watched Mr. Rogers otherwise he would know that he only changes his sweater once, not twice.

So you see, I'm not like Mr. Rogers AT ALL.

Fricken Bert!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Big Pimpin'

My mom's family is very close and practises what Alex would call ridiculous traditions. We get together to celebrate birthdays and Christmas. Gasp! Who would ever do such a thing?

Absolutely ridiculous.

Well, one of those crazy traditions is a little get together we have every summer at my mom's house to eat good food and play water balloon volleyball.

Water balloon volleyball?

That's water balloon volleyball. My niece Kelsi is a little new to this water balloon thingy and didn't quite get it. I'm like "Kelsi, you have to open your eyes in order to play! I mean seriously!"

Apparently she didn't hear me.

Logan was so happy to be in charge of getting new balloons to the players. He felt pretty important, after all it is a huge responsibility!

This blonde beauty is Charlie, she was being so cute with my nephew Brolan! She also helped get the balloons to the players and did a mighty fine job.

Brolan is getting so big and is just a doll! He is so happy (as long as his mom is around) and giggly and dimply and just a joy to have around!

Since I'm Brolan's favorite aunt, he ALWAYS wants me to hold him. Seriously I can't get this kid off me! I am just that great of an aunt that babies just flock to me.

I'm like the fricken Pied Piper!

It has nothing to do with the fact that I feed them treats, it's my personality. It just comes naturally of course.

I think his mom must deprive him of anything with sugar because when he had a taste of my koolaid his inner sugar demon came out. I was innocently holding my drink in my hand when this kid would grab my wrists and with all his strength, pull the cup to his mouth spilling most of the sugary substance on his shirt. This kid is strong, I was helpless and had no choice but to let him drink from my cup.

His mom wasn't very happy with me.

I was like "Dude, it's not my fault you deprive him of such delicious sugary substances, do you see the look in his eyes? It's the sugar demons I'm telling you, you've got to tame those things!"

My brother, Brolan's dad, agreed with me of course.

Brolan wasn't the only baby there, I was so excited that I got some great pictures of these cuties! This is my cousin Jenny and her daughter. Look at these darling piggies!

And my cuz Rachael with her daughter Charlie and her 3 month old daughter Brittana.

And of course everyone knows my baby Logan. Yes he's a baby and yes he is mine even though it was my sister who actually pushed him out of her vagina. He always tells me that he wishes I was his mom. It's true, would I lie to you?

You're right, I would lie to you. He loves his beautiful Mamma.

So, like every Marsden get together it was full of smiling faces and group hugs.

My mom did a wonderful job of putting together the party, isn't she the cutest? And of course her beau Bobra was there too. We like Bob so much that we call him Bobra, at least me and Lindee do. He treats my mom like a queen so we let him hang around sometimes.

And look at my baby sister, she is all grown up with a boyfriend who shares the same name as my hubster Albert. For those of you really dense people, Albert is not my hubster's real name, it's Alex. You thought my husband's name was Albert this whole time? You are so gullible I swear!

Here's Alyse's Alex, not as cute as my Alex of course but I may be biased. He is pretty funny and makes me laugh. Look at this face, don't you just want to pinch his cheeks off? Yeah, thought so.

They made a pretty mean water balloon volley ball team. They only dropped the ballon 22 times out of 22 water balloons. Here's a great shot of Alyse's behind.

The highlight of the day for me was when my long lost neighbor Nicole came and stole me away. I haven't seen Nikki in like 7 years. For real.

We grew up living next door to eachother since we were 5 years old. Oh the stories I could tell! Mostly of me going to her house and, being the clutz that I am, breaking pretty much everything I touched. Yeah, I was that annoying neighbor kid.

Or sitting on her comforter that we were not aloud to sit on. Her mom sewed the comforter herself and declared it a "butt free" zone in hopes to keep it nice and fluffy.

And making Nikki play the Sweet Valley High board game that I loved so much and that she absolutely loathed.

And eating Ramen Noodle soup full of shredded cheese....yum!

It was so good to see her and it brought back so many memories.

And being the big pimp that I am, I just wanted to say,

"Hey boys, Nikki's single! I could totally hook you up!"

(I am SO dead.)