Baby Liam

Liam is the happiest baby ever.

Seriously, he'll laugh at anything ...

Even my dad's awful "Dad Jokes".

And that my friends, is the ultimate sign of happiness!

Singular

What up Mother Effahs!!!??


*Cough*Cough*


Hi Booger face.


That was singular, booger face.


No booger faces here, there's nothing plural when it comes to readers of this poor excuse of a blog.


Hi mom.


Who am I kidding, my mom doesn't read my blog. Which is why I thought it's time to dust off the cobwebs, open the windows and get some action up in hee-ah!


A ton of shit has gone down and I'm sure I have a lot to say but right now I just wanted to introduce you to someone:





My brand new darling tiny-toed nephew!


Put your legs up against the bathroom stalls and brace yourself folks, you're about to experience cuteness overload.







Liam Cole was born February 11th. He was 8 days early which couldn't be early enough!


It's so hard to believe that this:





Came out of this:





Right? Some human being just crawled out of my sister's belly all wiggly, snuggly and tearin people's hearts out of their chest and shit.


Child birth is crazy.





And like the best thing ever.


And seriously? Seriously Liam, what's with all the hair? You've got more hair than me.





I've been sick but I couldn't let that keep me & Mike away from this little heart breaker!







Stay with me folks, I know you're feelin the buz right now.







Hello? Hair?




Okay, now that you are totally drunk on infant adorableness my job here is done.





Don't drive drunk and shit.

Nuts

The wait is finally over, if you haven't guessed yet, my sister is the one who is preggers!

And we finally found out on Saturday that she is having two balls and a penis!!

I guess there's a head and arms and all that other shit too.


I'm so excited to get another one of these:

Thank God for reproductive siblings.

I Sure Hope Having Babies on the Freeway Doesn't Run in the Family!

My cousin just gave birth on the Freeway!!


GO HERE TO READ STORY


What??


Why am I still in Canada right now???

Helping To Make A Baby

I have a tree. A fellow tree that is, because I too am a tree and together we make:


Well, two trees.



Not quite a forest but we give plenty of shade.


I met my fellow tree while going to college and we were on the drill team together. I have never met such a hilarious tree before in my life!


And today I am here to tell you that I'd like to help make a baby with her. Not in the way you think, people. She and her hubby are hoping to adopt! So I'm here to help spread the word.



Word.


Dani & Chris will really make the best parents and who knows, if I have something to do with making this baby, maybe I could be God Mother Pooba.


Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?


So check these two out and help them become a mommy and a daddy!


Their adoption blog:

And go here to add their button to your blog.

Nursing Is Not Just For Mommies

Facebook is awesome!

I recently was able to reconnect with my good friend Melanie on facebook, she's my best ballet buddy. We did a lot of crap together. We carpooled to ballet two to three times a week...

(I'm always the tallest (imagine that?) and Mel's always the second tallest)



...we shared clothes, we went to school together and we had tons of sleepovers.

(Mel & I on the very right, cute De & I on the left and middle)


Obviously we were very cool. All three of us.



We choreographed our own dances together, we were in the Nutcracker together...








...and we were on the high school drill team together!








That's a whole lotta togetherness! Here is her lovely face today.




And here is her lovely belly today.




That's right, she has a baby, no, she has a Human. Being. In. Her. Belly. (Pregnancy is so alienish!)


She and her charming husband are having a baby boy, little baby Ivan. Mel went against her best judgment and invited me to her baby shower to help celebrate this lil guy waiting to spring forth into this world. She really had no idea the risk she was taking in extending an invite to a klutz such as me; of course I didn't tell her I was a baby smasher.


I'm not stupid.


So here is Mel & the guy who helped make the baby:




The baby shower was thrown by Mel's mother in law and it was just beautiful! Complete with brunch and Mimosas!






And showing up fashionably late (because it is fashionable to be late to a baby shower) were two other friends from our high school drill team. It was so awesome to see them and they are still as funny as they were in high school, and just as pretty!

This is Kristie and she has 2 kids of her own, a boy and a girl.




I was lucky enough to meet her littlest cutie Preslie, and even luckier to snap this shot:



(Don't worry, I didn't smash her)


This is Shirley Ann and yes, she too has a Human. Being. In. Her. Belly. She is pregnant with her first child, a baby girl.




Kristie had to teach the two future mothers how to change a blow-out poopy diaper, or as Tori Spelling would call a PUTP (Poop Up The Puss). Mel almost fainted from the pungent smell and Shirley Ann simply gasped realizing what the future has in store for her. Oh the horror!




I of course kept my distance, good birth control there.


Aren't my friend's bellies so dang cute & just enormous? Oh I am just kidding, really. Sort of.





And to think ten years ago we were all dancing together! Since I have fully embarrassed both myself and Mel with old pictures, I only feel obligated to do the same for Kristie and Shirley Ann.


Year book day at school, can you find them?




Shirley Ann and I at the Tremaine Dance Convention in Las Vegas. We stayed in a suite and felt pretty important. Rightly so.




This is at the national drill team competition in Florida, I have no idea what I'm doing to Shirley Ann's hair but she doesn't seem too upset by it.



One thing that I think is just hilarious about Shirley Ann is that she gave me the nickname Big Mamma. Her reasoning behind it was that I was the mother of the drill team with big boobs. And you know what they would do? They'd all make a sucky face and pretend to be nursing. That damn nickname stuck until I graduated.


Yes folks, like I said before, we were very cool and not immature at all.


Goofing around at Disney World while in Florida at nationals.






This is at the top secret candle light ceremony where the new members of the drill team are initiated in and the old members were ultimately kicked out. Very, very top secret stuff here; I could get killed for posting this picture.



(Mindy, if you value your life, you will not tell anyone!)


Now, back to the present.



Melanie I know you will be a great mother, just like you are a great substitute mother to Fox. I wish you all the best and can't wait to meet Ivan. (Hopefully this week!)

And don't worry, I hear that giving birth is absolutely the most excruciating pain you will ever experience.

No biggy.

Someone Else Had to Have Been Knocked Up and I'm 99% Sure it Wasn't Me

This summer it seems that we have had tons and tons of birthdays in my family. I swear we didn't have this many last year, did someone else have a kid that I don't know about? Lin? Lyse? Pretty sure it wasn't me.


Last week we celebrated the annual aging of my Mom and my sis in law Amy. My Mom is ancient. I mean old, elderly even.






And Amy is even ancienter. (It's a word, look it up.)





Ok wait, if Amy's 25, that means she had her son Jake when she was 6 or 7.





Damn Amy, talk about a head start! And here I thought Lindee started early!




What's a family get together without the couch picture? I swear I have a thousand pictures of that couch. It's very photogenic.




And so are these people:








I think Lindee won in the "Best Birthday Present Giver Contest" this time around because look what the brat gave my mom:




Mom's been wanting a picture of Logan and Brolan together forEVA and Lindee and Amy finally managed to get the two kids together in the same place and to even smile at the same time.

Ok I'll let you guys win this time, but just this once!




Speaking of Lindee, she was taking this picture of me & Al and she couldn't stop laughing. I thought she was laughing because I was trying to suck on Al's nipple. Nope, it's because I was getting bunny-eared from behind! I thought I was being so funny, sucking a nipple is a funny picture right? Right?




I am so not funny.


So as birthday parties go, there are presents and cake and babies getting high. Chad attempted to squirt some whip cream into Brolan's mouth but it back fired and exploded in both of their faces.




Don't you know you have to hold the bottle upside down in order for it to spray? Oh that's right, I think Chad has only used those bottles to get high so he's probably not aware of their other use.

(Don't go calling Child Protective Whatever; my brother was not trying to get Brolan high. No brain cells were lost in the making of this blog entry. Promise.)




FYI: I've updated the "About" and "Cast" links at the top of this blog so if you don't know who any of these crazies are, go check out those links.