Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Another Round of Thanks But No Thanks!

Last Thanksgiving while everyone was expressing what they were thankful for, I was expressing what I was NOT thankful for and now that the time of year is here again, I thought I'd add to my list!

So the following is a list of things that I am NOT thankful for:

Fake yawns to end a conversation.

People who flush swiffer pads down the toilet.

Those damn seals on new CD cases that are impossible to remove in one peice.

When someone holds the door open for you when you are like 10 feet away so you feel like you have to run so they can let go of the door.

Short bathroom stalls (Hello North Layton Jr High?!)

People who steal my friend's ipod from his car when it's parked in my driveway.

Bumper stickers that are too small to read.

The snow.

My rear wheel drive car.

My rear wheel drive car in the snow.

Couples who share an email address or facebook page.


Loud breathers.

Dentists who ask you questions while their hands are in your mouth.

The fact that healthy food is always more expensive than junk food.

My legs.

Short tables.

My legs that don't fit under short tables.


Finding other people's pube hairs. Anywhere.

Creepy 50 year old men hitting on you.

Creepy 50 year old neighbors hitting on you.

Mom's who give their kids a mullet when they are too young to know any better.

What are YOU not thankful for?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear Pube,

Ok so apparently everyone is curious about this email that I wrote Pube so I thought, this is my blog, why not share? But I also have to share with you what my dear lil sis told me to say to him.

Wasn't she the cutest baby? Sorry, just thought I'd throw that picture in here for some reason. Anyway, she is awesome and I wish I had the balls to send her suggested email because it would have been hilarious!


The actual email I sent Pube:


Ok, wow, I’m a little taken back by your texts. Is this all because I didn’t respond to one of your texts until the next day? I was camping in park city (Not sure why that is so hard to believe) so I honestly didn’t see your text until the next day. I’m sorry if you thought I was not answering on purpose, that wasn’t it at all. Sometimes I am busy and just don’t look at my phone, especially over the weekends. I’ve explained all this to you before so stop reading into things that aren’t there. It’s just texting; if you need an immediate answer you can call me.

I don’t think we are on the same page here. We are not in a relationship, we are just dating. I know you would like a relationship right now but I've already told you that I don’t. I enjoy hanging out with you, but I think it’s a good idea if we stop dating now before anyone gets hurt. I’m sorry if I gave the impression that I wanted a relationship, with my situation I just think it is good idea to keep dating other people. I’m just not ready for commitment right now which is not good for you. Sounds like you need someone who is ready to be with you and can give you 100%.

I can’t do that.


And now the email suggested by lil sis:


I don't think we are on the same page here, I'm far from looking for someone serious which includes your bitch ass who needs your hand held everyday! I told u I'm not good at texting, u can call me and get an immediate response since that is what you need, if u continue to loose sleep over me not txting back than u can just forget this. I can't handle your leaky vagina moments at 3am anymore, man up and back off a little bit if you 'want me'


So what do you think, should I have used lil sis's email?

It would have made hellofa more entertaining story that's for sure. And that's all I'm looking for right now with this dating thing, entertainment.

And distraction.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Practice Safe Text

Ok confession. I have been dating. I didn't want to start dating so soon but found that it's a pretty good distraction and can be very entertaining. So I decided to date purely for the entertainment factor of it all. I know that makes me sound shallow but come on, I don't want anything right now and have found dating has helped my self esteem since it's been in the gutter as of late.


Dating has changed a lot in 10 years, it's more hi-tech. Instead of calling, it's texting and apparently responding back via text on a timely basis is VERY important.

One thing I've learned is that I am too laid back to be dating. Good God I didn't know guys could be so much drama! Seriously. I thought it was girls who were supposed to freak out if they don't hear back from the person they are dating. I thought it was girls that would prefer spending every minute of every day with the person they are dating.

Naw, not girls, it's men in their 30s. They are like little whiny high school girls. No joke.

Case in point.

I had been dating a guy, we will call him Pube, just because I think it's funny. I had gone on about 8 dates with Pube and he was pretty nice, funny, and most importantly, not annoying. Or so I thought.

Well, he totally started ruining the whole hanging out/dating thing for me by telling me that I'm the first girl that he's thought about family and kids with.

Sigh. Why can't guys just hang out without wanting a relationship? I thought that's what guys were into, but apparently not.

....So one Friday night I was hanging out in Park City and went on a midnight hike. I knew my phone wouldn't work in the mountains so I just left it back at my friend's house. While I was phoneless, Pube had sent me a text asking what I was doing that weekend.

Of course I didn't get that text until the next day because I was in the mountains all night. So I write him back the next day. Here is our text conversation:

Friday 9:22 pm
Pube: What are you doing this weekend?

Friday 10:18 pm
Pube: Or don't respond. That always works.

Saturday 12:14 pm
Me: Sorry! Yes, I am headed to lay town tomorrow. It's my bro's bday, yay cake!

(Yes, I'm retarded)

Saturday 3:41 pm
Pube: That's the 3rd time you've said sorry in less then a week. Not good.

(WTF? Did he seriously just say that? That came out of nowhere. I'm a little pissed so I write back...)

Saturday 3:56 pm
Me: Well I went camping last night so I didn't get your text till today.

And then I didn't hear back from him that night. Which is really strange because he usually responds within the hour. He obviously is trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Problem with that is I don't really care so it doesn't really work.

So I forgot all about Pube and his needy-ass texts until Sunday night when I was awoken at 3 in the morning by my phone beeping. What the hell? I thought. So I check my phone and this is what I get:

Monday 3:04 am
Pube: You are kind of f**king up, so what do you think? I like you, but I think I should find 1 of those "needy utah girls". They might call too much, but they have your back . . . But what I want is you. Point is you need to tell me wtf you want.

Monday 3:15 am
Pube: And those "utah girls" don't go camping past oct 15th when its 27 degrees outside. It must have been chilly.

W T F ????

Yeah, I read that and was pretty shocked, he basically just accused me of lying. This guy is like a sweetheart in person, what the hell is going on? So I go back to sleep and decide to deal with it in the morning.

Dude. Who does that?

I decide it's time to get rid of this needy dude and because I'm really classy and have no problem with confrontation, I break it off with him in an email.

At least it wasn't a text.


I guess some people take it pretty seriously.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

I went to my friends house in Park City for a little Halloween get together. We hung out at his house for a bit and then a bunch of us headed to main street to partake in the Halloween festivities.

Here's a picture of us before we left, if you can't tell, he is a midget on stilts and I am little red riding hood. Sorry the picture is so fuzzy my cell phone sucks and I forgot my camera.

So M (the dude in the pic) was hilarious. Wherever we went, he had everyone laughing with that midget costume. He even won $100 for the best fricken costume ever.

Yeah, he's kind of a big deal (His shirt even says so).

Oh, and here I am with my severed wolf head. I carried him around in my little basket as a warning to others.

If ya couldn't tell, I'm a pretty bad ass little red riding hood.

Don't eff with me.