Thursday, February 25, 2010

Observations From A Candy Dish

Is anyone else in love with these?

I'm truly amazed that I am not grossed out by the fact that eating one of these simulates eating a raw egg.

Check out the insides, there's yellow yolk and everything.

I mean, that's a future baby chick folks. You're eating a future baby chick! How does that not gross people out?

I don't know why but I love them, especially when the insides are extra runny. The more it resembles a real egg, the better. Why is that NOT disturbing to me?

Oh, and don't get me started on these:

These are TO. DIE. FOR.

I like to keep a little candy dish on top of my desk at work. I try to change my candy bowl to match each season of the year so right now, being the season of Easter Bunnies & eggs, I have a darling pink Easter basket full of pastel colored candy.

And as a bonus I have to have a small bowl of the mini cadburry eggs on my desk at all times.

This is the only way I can get people to come visit me. You see, I like to pretend I'm popular, but really everyone knows the only reason I get visitors is because of my candy dish. It's actually pretty funny how people feel like they need an excuse to come into my office when their sole purpose is to satisfy their nagging sweet tooth.

"Um hey, so, uh...doooo you know where Matt is?" A coworker stammers, making the words up on the spot.

"Why no, I don't know where Matt is but hey! While you're here, why don't you have some candy?" I reply, not taking my eyes off of my computer screen.

"Well, since you asked..." He grins as he partakes.

Dude, why would I know where Matt is? Wait, who the hell is Matt? Does a Matt even work here?

And then there's the people that come and steal handfuls of candy at a time and say the same joke every time they do so.

"You are in so much trouble. Darnit, you're doin it again, you're just trying to make us all fat!" A coworker says while filling his pockets with chocolate.

"Ha ha ha. Yep, you got me. That's my evil plan." I reply. For the hundredth time.

And then there's the big boss dude. You know, the boss of your bosses boss? He comes to browse through my selection but never takes anything. For the life of me I can't figure out what kind of candy this man likes! My ultimate goal is to please him.

Seriously, every time I buy candy I stand in the grocery isle staring at the array of bright colored bags of sugar thinking...hmmmm...what would big boss dude like?

I have yet to figure this out and every time I ask him what he would prefer, all he says is "Oh I like anything!"

No. Obviously you don't, because you never take anything. Come on big boss dude, I feel like a failure here!

Oh, and if I am absent for a day from work?

Forget about it.

The candy is gone when I come back the next day. It's amazing how fast the candy can go when there's nobody in the office to notice that you've already taken 10 handfuls.

It just makes me laugh. I really don't care how much candy you take, that's what the candy is there for! Oh people, they always feel like they need to justify themselves.

And then there's me.

I make absolutely sure that nobody is anywhere near the proximity of my office before I snag a piece of candy FROM MY OWN STASH.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Native Honey: Helping You to NOT Suck

Ok, I have some fabulous news.

Remember when I was bragging about this bag?

And how cool I am because I own it and how everyone else who doesn't have one pretty much sucks?

Well, now YOU have a chance to not suck!

Janae, co-founder of Native Honey, is having a giveaway over on her blog, Pink Moss!

You've got until 9 pm Eastern on Monday, March 8th to enter. This is her very first giveaway so your chances of winning are VERY good. She is also planning to give away one Native Honey bag each month so if you don't win this time, make sure you go back next month!

Go HERE to enter.

And thank God for Native Honey, helping women and children all around the world to NOT suck.

Monday, February 22, 2010

If it Wasn't For Her, I'd be That Crazy Cat Lady With a Human to Cat Ratio of 1:152

I just went to lunch with my bestest!

I NEVER get to see her! Like ever. She lives 4 hours away, so imagine my surprise when she calls me up and says she's in town and wants to go to lunch!


Me love her.

De has taught me many things throughout our 16 year friendship and I'd like to share a few with you.

I learned...

1. That the most delicious snack is toast with peanut butter, cinnamon and sugar.

2. How to get grounded for months at a time.

3. That it is not a sin if a guy touches your stomach...phew.

4. How to do the centipede.

5. The lyrics to "Shoop" by Salt-N-Pepa, and how to properly sing it gangsta style.


6. How to kick a soccer ball into the air and not let it touch the ground.

7. How to play cards in an elevator in Wendover and not get kidnapped.

8. How to make No Bake Cookies, Egg & Tortilla, Breakfast Cake, and Homemade Tortillas.


9. To be 1% Mexican.

10. That kissing boys with tongue is not gross.

11. The proper way to tan on your roof.

12. How to be a good mom. You know, if by chance I ever become one.


13. How to fake cry while singing "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men.

14. How to shave down there.

15. How to flirt with a boy without pooping myself.


16. How to keep a secret.

17. How to be a friend.


Love you De!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Dear Pricilla. With love, Dozer.

My dog is in love with a goat.

Ok, let me explain.

It all started when I won another contest. Yes, ANOTHER contest. I'm sorry, it just happens.

Anyway, this certain contest was hosted by Broken Teepee, who is also known as "the publicist" over at her goat Pricilla's blog.

Yes, her blog has a goat.

Wow, did I really just write that? I thought you could only transpose words like that when you were talking. Anyway, what I meant to write was,

Yes, her goat has a blog.

So, when I got the package in the mail the other day, there was a cute picture on the outside. Dozer was a little curious.

Like always.

In my little prize package, the publisher's goat was kind enough to include a card.

Awwww, how sweet! After I read the card, I put it aside while I dug into my prize, which was the OraMoist and Canker Cover.

You're jealous, I know.

The publisher included a little surprise!

Her homemade Happy Goat soap! How cool is that?

While I was admiring my prizes, I realized something wasn't right, something was missing. Then I realized that Dozer's big nose wasn't in my face snotting all over my prizes.

Yep, something definitely wasn't right. So I went looking for him.

And this is how I found him.

Holding the picture of the goat in his arms.

Staring at her longingly.

My dog is in love with Pricilla the goat.

I tried to take her away from him but he wasn't having that!

I explained to him that Pricilla was a goat and that it really isn't kosher for a dog to be in love with a goat. I'm not sure if that's even legal, but I also explained that she's like a million miles away and everyone knows that long distance relationships never work.

He took the news hard.

He's been depressed ever since.

It's okay guys, he'll get over it. My dad just got a tea cup poodle.

Now go check out the other giveaways at Broken Teepee:

Simple Green Naturals Cleaning Products - ends 2/21

Corked, A Memoir/5 Winners - ends 2/26

The Mayo Clinic Diet Book and Journal - ends 2/27

BeautiControl Products - ends 3/1

Countess of Scandal/5 Winners - ends 3/2

Try Darkness - ends 3/5

Cafe Collection Coffees from Melitta - ends 3/7

And the giveaways over at A Nut In A Nutshell:

String Ring - 2/20

Nowali Moccasins - ends 2/24

Horizon Organic Chocolate Milk - ends 2/25

Walmart $50 Gift Card - ends 2/26

LuShae Jewerly - ends 3/2

Carolina Pad - ends 3/3

Soda Stream Machine - ends 3/5

And the giveaways at the Penny Pinching Mama.

Price Pfister Faucet - ends 2/25

Baby's first phone call - ends 2/25

On Tray - ends 2/25

Rainbow Brite Activity CD - ends 3/3

Giant Pegboard from Discovery Toys - ends 3/3

Smart Potty by BabyBjorn - ends 3/3

Nelle & Lizzy jewerly - ends 3/6

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Reason For My Ever Expanding Waistline

My mom-in-law, sis-in-laws and I have been taking cooking classes together for over a year now. We do it for our monthly or biweekly girls night. Gotta love the GNO. We are very lucky to take them from Margaruite Henderson and we absolutely love it!

The classes are set up in an intimate atmosphere at Marguerite's home, she plans the menu in advance and gives us all a copy of the recipes to refer to as she cooks. We arrive to beautifully arranged appettizers displayed with gorgeous dishes and serving utensils. Rivaling such dexterity and finnesse of my precious Bree Van de Kamp.

Someone usally brings wine, which is a big plus, and then we sit back and relax while she cooks up a storm.

She is, without exception, the best chef ever. And the cutest.

We have learned so much from her, not only does she teach us how to cook the recipes given, but she also shares her insider chef secrets like how to know when a certain fruit is ripe, the most sufficient way to extract the juice from a lemon, the finest cutting techniques and the best cookware to use.

And my favorite part of the class?

Eating the food.

Of course everything she makes is to die for. The classes are 3 hours long and she makes anywhere from 5 to 7 dishes so you want to arrive hungry. Pacing yourself is the key, which is hard to do when every single dish implores you to have seconds and thrids. (And fourths)

By the time the class is over we've all split our pants and Marguerite has to roll us out the door. Seriously, you leave VERY satisfied, plus you get to take the leftovers home to the hubster.

The last class that we attended was called,

Fabulous February Fromage:

Cheese Fantastico! Big flavors in Puff Pastry Pizzas, Panini with Comte and Ham, Creamy Pasta with Four Cheeses, Beehive Cheddar Biscotti with Walnuts and a lemon blueberry torte!

Oh man. A class all about cheese? It was meant for me, I just know it.

Here we all are pre-pant splitting condition. From left to right: McKell, Rachael, Sharon, Cris & Me.

Marguerite persisted to take 5 pictures of us because she said Cris kept turning out too dark in each one. So we'd try to scoot Cris forward into the light and I would try to scoot back.

Um, no Margaurite, she just looks extremely dark because she IS extremely dark. And of course it doesn't help that she's sitting next to the pearly albino.

Nope, still dark.

I'm pathetic.

Monday, February 15, 2010


There's nothing like a fresh loaf of bread. Straight out of the oven, glistening with butter, it's enough to make me swoon.

Homemade bread was my first love you know. I used to make bread all the time growing up but sadly, I haven't even attempted it since I've been married. I love baking.

(And not just for the excuse to wear an apron).

I've been thinking about bread a lot lately and the relationship we once had and last Sunday I thought it was about time I rekindle our flame!

I baked bread.

Everything was going well. The apron, the ingredients, the Kitchen Aid.

Oh yeah,

the Kitchen Aid.

I've never made bread with a Kitchen Aid before. I guess it's not made to hold 9 cups of flour.

That became apparent only after the sheet of flour erupted, covering everything within 2 feet of it's premises.

Just a small set back, but this scene is not unfamiliar to me. My husband knows that when I'm baking in the kitchen it's always best to stay out until I'm finished.

It gets messy.

Real messy.

So I ended up kneading the dough by hand and everything was fine.

After the dough raised, and after Al just HAD to punch it down eleven times, it was time to roll it out.

I divided the dough in two, one for a plain loaf and one for my personal favorite, a cinnamon loaf!

You've always got to make at least one cinnamon loaf.


For the cinnamon goodness, you brush the dough with butter.

And cover it with cinnamon and sugar.

A ton of cinnamon and sugar. The more the better.

Then, you roll it up and throw it in a loaf pan.

Doesn't that look perfect? Wow, I didn't realize I still had it in me but, as you can see, that is one perfect rolled pile of dough!

I was excited, everything was going great. In the oven it went and filled my house with the smell of warm cinnamon and sugar.


And then out of the oven came the most perfect loaf:


Okay okay, that's not how mine turned out at all.

More like this lumpy pile if crap:

(As you can see, I'm a little rusty at the whole rolling up and pinching shut thing.)

Oh bread. Why must our love be a one way street? I love you so much yet you still find it necessary to embarrass me.

So now I feel the need to redeem myself. I want to make the most perfect loaf of bread ever, but I need the perfect bread recipe. One that is tried and true.

Tried. And. True.

I know you've got the recipe I'm looking for so com'on,


Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Miracle Boy

I can't believe this! Bronson is now home from the hospital and is even walking! You must go here and watch his video.

What an amazing story!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Flat Is Phat

Oh man. Can I just tell you how much I love this woman?

This picture is from I Heart Faces, where she was featured in their Blissdom collage.

Karin Katherine felt so bad that Lindee and I couldn't make it to Blissdom that she offered to take our flat selves along with her!

Let me introduce you to Flat Lindee and Flat Pooba.

We were ecstatic. We got to hang out with the big girls!

Luckily we fit right in her bag so we didn't have to pay for airfare.

She even tucked us into bed when we arrived at the hotel, we were exhausted. We got our own bed all to ourselves. We originally thought we would be sleeping in a drawer or the bathroom sink but not Pooba and Lindee!

We're too good for that.


Yes, Lindee snored every single night, but I only punched her in the nose once.

And twice in the arm.

Here we are checkin out the scenery and taking time to smell the flowers.

You should always take time to smell the flowers.

Now at the conference, I got the best spot of all, right next to the candy bowl.

Where I belong.

Ok so Lindee HAD to have her diet coke. We all know she has ADHD and wouldn't be able to sit through a whole conference without running around the room making chicken noises, so we brought along Captain Morgan.

You know, so she wouldn't get bored. I heard rum and coke goes well with blogging conventions and apparently it's true because Lindee passed out in the first 15 minutes.

She thoroughly enjoyed the conference.

We had a blast, to say the least!

Thank you again Karen for taking us along. You are THE best!

(My apologies for using the word phat in the title. It rhymed okay?)