P.S. I'm Divorced

Yeah, I'm officially single and have been for over 2 months.


Apparently the court dudes don't call you or mail you a letter to let you know when your divorce is final. They just expect you to check in with them.


WTF?

I Can't Handle So Much Frickin Awesomeness, It Must Stop. (But Not Really Ok?)

Thank you to everyone for your concern and your frickin awesomeness! I'm serious, I should have posted about this a long time ago. It really helps just to know somebody out there cares, just a little.


Seriously. You are all fricken awesome. If I could, I would buy you all this frickin awesome shirt:





Now I didn't post about my divorce for a long time because, well, I don't really know exactly who is reading this blog. That boy I kissed in kindergarten may be reading, or that girl who I cut her hair, dunked her head in the toilet and then taped her to the flag pole with her underwear over her head could be reading. (Not a true story, I didn't cut her hair, that's just MEAN.)


When I first started blogging, I thought it was crazy how honest people were and how much information they revealed about themselves! Hell, I'm a blog stalker, I know you can find anybody who has a public blog.


(Yep, I'm stalking YOU!)


But seriously, with a public blog you never know who's reading. But now,I've known that and have accepted that fact and I no longer care. Blogging is fun and I've met so many amazing people (you) and have reconnected with so many amazing people (you) so I am comfortable with anybody reading. The more people that know how stupid and clutzy I am, the better.


The world has been warned.


Of course there are a lot of things that I don't post about, things that affect other people who I know do not want the world knowing about, and DEFINITELY nothing about my job, so this isn't a tell-all blog.


Which brings me to a question for you.


Is your blog a tell-all? How do you feel about the fact that ANYBODY could be reading your private thoughts? Have you ever been dooced?


(Yep, I did just blog about blogging, it was time)

Hangin In

Okay here's the deal, my life has taken a very big unexpected dump in the toilet. I mean a huge fat stinky turd right there in the pot.


I think it's about time I write about it because this blog is going to be changing and I might as well spill the beans and explain what's been going on. For respect of others I can't really go into any details but I don't have any ill feelings toward anybody.


Gosh, I'm trying to write this so matter of factual and it's not working. I just need to write it as a story, it just feels better to me that way.


A few months ago, Alex and I were talking and he revealed to me that he no longer wants to have children.


Like ever.


We've been married 8 years and have always planned on having children from the start. He had never said a word about not wanting them until now and of course I have wanted children all my life! It was never a question for me, you grow up, get married & pop out the kids. So when I first learned of the news,


I was completely shocked.


Completely devastated.


Completely confused.


And extremely sad.


We didn't know what to do. In that one second, everything in our lives changed. Just like that. Thoughts were racing through my head a mile a minute. What does this mean? This isn't happening. This is a dream, a joke, it couldn't possibly be real.


So over the past few months we've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of talking and a lot of crying. Long story short I know that I can never be happy unless I become a mother. That is and has always been my ultimate goal. It's just such a powerful feeling to want a child so badly, I can't ignore that.


He has been trying and hoping that he would get the desire to have children but that feeling has never come and he has realized that it never will. Just as strongly as I want a child, Alex does not.


Where's the compromise in something like that?


Ultimately there is no compromise. We have decided the only way for both of us to have a chance at happiness is to separate. We are getting a divorce.


Divorce.


That's such an ugly word. That word has so many horrible assumptions associated with it. Bitterness, anger, regret, jealousy, hate.


But we feel none of these. We still love and care for each other very much. Sometimes I wish I could just hate him, that maybe it would make things a little easier for me. But I can't. All I feel is an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness.


I never realized that when you go through a divorce, you not only loose your spouse, but you lose your whole life. It feels like you have to divorce everything and everyone associated with him.


It's the most painful thing I have ever gone through.


Ok, I'm probably saying way to much now and I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, I just needed you to know what was going on with me.


Now the future?


Well, two weeks ago I moved into a town home that is close to my work. Alex will be moving out of state in August to go to law school so it's just me and the kitties.


Yes, I am the Cat Lady.


But I have enrolled in school to get my masters in accounting so I'm currently taking classes (only one more week of summer semester!). I don't know why I thought I needed to start school right away, my house is still in boxes because I only have time for homework right now. Soon I hope to get my life put back together but in the mean time I am so lucky to have such a wonderful supportive family & friends who have helped me through this.


I wouldn't be able to survive this without them.


I'm also so lucky to have so many big strong men in my family to move my piano! (Thanks guys!)


So that's about it, I'm still working and just living one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I have no idea what the future holds for me and honestly, I can't really think about that right now.


As my grandma always said:


"I'm hangin in."

Pooba

I’m a 29 year old recently divorced, career woman, aunt, and wannabe mother. I was married to my former spouse for eight years before we divorced but we've managed to stay really good friends. To read more about that click here.


I graduated in 2005 with a bachelor’s degree in Accounting from the University of Utah and now I am a Senior Accountant and recently turned supervisor for a gold mining company. I love my job. I decided to go back to school to get my master's degree in accounting. I'm loving school and hating the homework :o)


I got my lovely nickname from the former spouse, he calls me Grand Pooba (among other things) which is where the name of my blog derived. I recently moved into a townhouse in Salt Lake City with my two cats. Yep, I am officially the cat lady.


Who am I? I am a very sarcastic, laid back blonde who loves to eat cereal and take naps. I get excited over the little things and think worrying is a waste of time. I hate shopping, I’d rather gouge my eyes out then step foot in a mall. I am way too trusting in people, yes I'm a sucker. For everything.


I'm a recovering Mormon. I grew up in an LDS home and was completely devoted to my religion, that is until I finally started thinking for myself and realized I didn't believe in the foundation of the church and it's beliefs. I have my own opinions and beliefs and by removing my name from the church's records I found "ME" in the process. Most of my family is still Mormon and I'm sure they think I'm going to hell, but they love me anyway!


Interests of mine are reading, baking, playing the piano, ballet, dancing, wine, and I'm a huge fan of movies. I occasionally go snow skiing, I love boating and wake boarding whenever I get the opportunity, and my favorite thing to do, besides sleeping, is laying out in the sun and reading a book. I’m a big kid when it comes to having fun and as I start this new chapter in my life I've decided to make the best of it and just enjoy being single and living on my own.


Okay, it's past midnight and I'm starving. Cake for a midnight snack is pretty healthy right? I mean, we all need a few carbs to keep our energy up. Plus I'm sure there's some protein and dairy in there somewhere.


Okay, peace out.