Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hangin In

Okay here's the deal, my life has taken a very big unexpected dump in the toilet. I mean a huge fat stinky turd right there in the pot.

I think it's about time I write about it because this blog is going to be changing and I might as well spill the beans and explain what's been going on. For respect of others I can't really go into any details but I don't have any ill feelings toward anybody.

Gosh, I'm trying to write this so matter of factual and it's not working. I just need to write it as a story, it just feels better to me that way.

A few months ago, Alex and I were talking and he revealed to me that he no longer wants to have children.

Like ever.

We've been married 8 years and have always planned on having children from the start. He had never said a word about not wanting them until now and of course I have wanted children all my life! It was never a question for me, you grow up, get married & pop out the kids. So when I first learned of the news,

I was completely shocked.

Completely devastated.

Completely confused.

And extremely sad.

We didn't know what to do. In that one second, everything in our lives changed. Just like that. Thoughts were racing through my head a mile a minute. What does this mean? This isn't happening. This is a dream, a joke, it couldn't possibly be real.

So over the past few months we've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of talking and a lot of crying. Long story short I know that I can never be happy unless I become a mother. That is and has always been my ultimate goal. It's just such a powerful feeling to want a child so badly, I can't ignore that.

He has been trying and hoping that he would get the desire to have children but that feeling has never come and he has realized that it never will. Just as strongly as I want a child, Alex does not.

Where's the compromise in something like that?

Ultimately there is no compromise. We have decided the only way for both of us to have a chance at happiness is to separate. We are getting a divorce.


That's such an ugly word. That word has so many horrible assumptions associated with it. Bitterness, anger, regret, jealousy, hate.

But we feel none of these. We still love and care for each other very much. Sometimes I wish I could just hate him, that maybe it would make things a little easier for me. But I can't. All I feel is an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness.

I never realized that when you go through a divorce, you not only loose your spouse, but you lose your whole life. It feels like you have to divorce everything and everyone associated with him.

It's the most painful thing I have ever gone through.

Ok, I'm probably saying way to much now and I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, I just needed you to know what was going on with me.

Now the future?

Well, two weeks ago I moved into a town home that is close to my work. Alex will be moving out of state in August to go to law school so it's just me and the kitties.

Yes, I am the Cat Lady.

But I have enrolled in school to get my masters in accounting so I'm currently taking classes (only one more week of summer semester!). I don't know why I thought I needed to start school right away, my house is still in boxes because I only have time for homework right now. Soon I hope to get my life put back together but in the mean time I am so lucky to have such a wonderful supportive family & friends who have helped me through this.

I wouldn't be able to survive this without them.

I'm also so lucky to have so many big strong men in my family to move my piano! (Thanks guys!)

So that's about it, I'm still working and just living one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I have no idea what the future holds for me and honestly, I can't really think about that right now.

As my grandma always said:

"I'm hangin in."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Llama Face!

Queenie Jeannie. What can I say? She is amazing and I feel just terrible that I am not blogging about this until now.

Weeks ago, I received a cute little box in the mail.

"Curious." I thought to myself. Yes, I really did.

"Curiouser & curiouser." I said to myself with a British accent. (Ok, not really)

Isn't that beautiful? She made it herself, I've never seen anything like it. And of course I bawled.


But what else is new right? So thank you thank you thank you Big sis!

On another note, remember this post? The one where I admit that I am a recycling virgin? The one where I express my fear of recycling? Well Blue Violet has cured my recycling phobia! I won 4 portable recycling bins from her giveaways!

Now you can use these for barbeque's because they are portable, they pop up, and when you're done, you can just throw the whole thing away.

However....I am using the recycling container in my house! That's right Nana! No more old magazines for you, they are goin in my very own green mean recycling machine.

That was stupid. Sorry.

I've also been winning over at Broken Teepee. I'm tellin ya, entering giveaways is addicting! Here are my most recent wins:

Okay, I won the first season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and now I am hooked! Seriously. Anybody else watch this show?

I'm not the only one that benefits if I win a contest. I think the cats get more excited than I do, they always take over the boxes. Doesn't matter what size of box, Boomhower will try to squeeze his fat butt in it!

Stupid Kittays.

If ya wanna test your luck, here are some more giveaways happening RIGHT. NOW.

At A Nut In A Nutshell:
Enstrom's Toffee
The Brag Company Bra Bag and Panty Pak
UgLee Pen 3-Pack
The Pleated Poppy Shop
SurfSweets Candy
Sarah McLachlan - Laws of Illusion
PF Chang's Home Menu
Karen Neuburger Lounge Socks
Surfshelf Laptop Tray
ChefTools Gift Card

At Broken Teepee:
Touch'd Bath Butter
Beauty Scoop
Fabulous Hair Argan Oil
Dali Decals Gift Card

Peace out,

Sticker Face!
*said in David Spade Kuzco voice*

Ok, peace out for real,

Monday, June 21, 2010

It's Official. Kinda. Sorta. Well, Maybe.

Someone's engaged!!!!

Well kinda. She has a ring but no official proposal....

After two years, she'll take what she can get.

So the mom came and visited me last night on her way home from the boyfriend's house. She finally has an engagement ring! Although they are not officially engaged since he hasn't proposed yet and they don't have an official date, but hey, a ring is a pretty good sign that they're actually going to do it don't ya think?

So I had my mom show off her ring but she was more interested in showing off her boobs.

Mom, seriously, nobody cares about your double D's! Sheesh.

Now Mom's gonna kill me but I just have to post about it. The other week I get a call from my mom. Her and Bob had been debating for a while about this engagement ring. What were they debating over? Well, when I answered the phone, this is what my mom asked.

"So, um, when you are engaged, do you wear the ring on your right hand or your left?"

Seriously mom? Maybe it's a good thing you have those double D's after all.

Love you!


Friday, June 18, 2010

Are You Really Talking About The Weather?

It has been raining.

A lot.

Rain is so annoying, I mean you spend a good hour fixing your hair and makeup just right and then it's totally ruined the second you step outside. I guess that's what umbrellas were invented for huh?

Are umbrellas in or out? In Utah, it seems that if you use an umbrella it means that you are either a very high maintanance conceited person or an 80 year old grandma.

Or a very high maintanance conceited 80 year old grandma.

Maybe this is all in my head, I don't know. I'd like to use one but I really feel silly walking around with an umbrella. I'm paranoid about it. I know everyone who looks my way is all laughing at me inside their heads. Everyone is having such a good time at my expense I just know it. After I walk by they all buckle over in laughter and give each other high fives.

Then when you get inside, what the hell do you do with thing? It's this soaking wet mess so you can't just stuff it in your purse. Now you look even more ridiculous carrying around a dripping wet canopy in doors. This is when it stops being funny and people are just annoyed with you. You get "the eye" and if you stay really quiet, you can actually hear the cuss words under their breath.

Seriously, is it okay to have an umbrella or is it a fashion no-no? Am I really a high maintenance conceited 80 year old grandma for wanting to stay dry? And what type is better? I've seen grown women with hello kitty umbrella's, is that tacky?

You see? Why do I even worry about these things? Because I'm a high maintenance conceited 80 year old grandma.

Are you?

(There is, however, one kind of umbrella that I really don't mind):

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Free Shit

Hey all! So I know I owe you like a million posts, and they are coming I promise. I will fill everyone in on what's been going on but right now, let's talk about more important things....

Free shit.

I want it.

Here are a few giveaways going on right now:

At Broken Teepee

Knight of Passion

Beachcomber Hair Styling Product

Desire Me

Auromere Hair Care Plus Samples

101 Things I learned in Culinary School

Wanchai Ferry Gift Pack

FlowerDuet DIY Flower Arranging DVD

Get Serious! Pet Odor Extractor

250 Custom Stickers from UPrinting

At A Nut In A Nuthshell

Nutella Hazelnut Spread

Sex and the City 2 Soundtrack CD

Aquafina Flavor Splash

Mayfair Lane Gift Pack

Venetia Kelly's Traveling Show

Good Goes.org Pedometer

Bake Me A Wish Cake

Oprah Tshirt/Hat

Personalized Lunch Tote from Partease

Amazon Gift Card

Mary's Gone Crackers

Picture Me Cooking Cookbook

Betty Crocker Delicious Dessert Gift Pack

Wild Creations EcoAquarium

Bellybuds Bellyphones

Family Dollar Gift Card

PartyLite Margarita Set

At Running Away? I'll Help You Pack

Good Vibrations Giveaway

Strap Doctor Giveaway

Cafe Press T-Shirt Giveaway

(Please do not click on any of the links above for it reduces my chances of winning free shit. Thank you.)

And because it's father's day this weekend, here is proof that my dad really did have hair!