Friday, January 29, 2010

I Am SO Dead

As I mentioned in my last post, I have to pay Albert in order to post this story. That's right, my husband threatened to sue me. No joke. It's that lawyer slowly creeping out from inside of him. Oh why God? Why Law School?


This story was just too good not to post so I agreed to his terms, although we are still in negotiation. I won't even tell you the ridiculous amount he is charging for this story.


Of course I'm going to tell you the ridiculous amount. He wants $2,500 just for this one story! I told him that his whole life story isn't worth that much. I demanded that if I did pay him anything close to that amount, that I would get to post naked pictures of him on the Internet too.

I haven't received his counter offer and I'm not about to wait for one.


************************************************

Some of you know the Hubster has been going to a personal trainer with his friend, Kevin, for a few months now. This trainer is a chick and has been kicking their asses every time they have a session with her. People have started noticing her working with them and how hard she pushes them, so they've become "gym popular".


The training has really been paying off both for Al and Kevin, they seriously are transforming right before my eyes! It's magic really. So it isn't uncommon for people to stare at them while they work out with her. I mean, hello? Two hot guys sweating and pumping iron (gross!) who wouldn't stare right?


So one day they are doing their routine with the trainer when she says to Alex,


"So did you know you have a secret admirer?"


"Yeah right!" He scoffs.


"No, I'm serious!" She replies.


Albert looks at her and she has this little smirk on her face, so he knows something is up.


"It's a dude isn't it?" Alex looks at her skeptically.



She starts laughing and shaking her head. Unfortunately his secret admirer wasn't at the gym at that time so he didn't find out who it was.


After his work out that day he came home and told me of his so-called secret admirer and I immediately started thinking of how I could perfect my ultimate punch to take this Mother Effer girl out.


I ended up going to my quiet place to do my punch dance.




After that physical and mental work out, I was ready for anything.




So back at the gym a few days later, the trainer decides to reveal who the secret admirer is.


And yes, it was a dude.


Alex was so embarrassed (to say the least) and of course Kevin thought it was hilarious! Their trainer then told them what Al's admirer said about him, besides all the "he's hot" crap, my favorite thing his crusher said was...
















wait for it...



















"I want to get lost in his eyes."



Bahahahaha! Oh you should hear Al tell this story, it is the funniest thing ever.


"He wants to get lost in my eyes!"


Face palm.




Double face palm.




I don't know why he's so embarrassed, it's a compliment for Chrissake.


Of course I can't blame the guy for crushing on Al. Yes, the guy knew that Al is straight and very married but come on, this is Utah. You never know how many gay guys out there are married and supposedly straight. This state is full of em!


So I said "More power to you admirer!" Plus, he's got good taste so I had no hard feelings toward him and didn't have to use my ultimate punch after all. Which was kind of a disappointment for me but was for the best in the end.



For the record, no, Alex is not gay.

I repeat, Alex is not gay.

(I am so dead.)



And now the icing on the cake:

Al and I went to dinner the other weekend at Asian Star. At the end of the meal Al picked up his fortune cookie and read what was inside. He sat there for a few seconds just staring blankly at it. Finally he said,


"I think this was meant for you."


I grabbed it and beheld the most appropriate fortune I have ever read in my life:




An admirer is concealing his affection for you.







No Al, that was definitely meant for you.


40 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Oh, poor Al. Haha. He is a hottie!

Tiffany said...

Bwwwwaaaahhaaaahhhaaaaa!!!

Also, Andy Samberg punch-dance is possibly the best 2 minutes of film EVER. I took my 13 year old son to see Hot Rod and then had to explain to him WHY I was sitting there crying and convulsing. And then rent Footloose... and he still didn't really get it. Total parental fail! Damn kids these days!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Looks like Mr. Gay Dude was listening to too much Debbie Gibson.....lol!

St. Jeor Family said...

Thats Awesome!!!!

Melissa said...

I'm dying over here!! HAHAHAHA!

Bethany said...

NOOOOOOO! That is awesome. I love it. I'm going to tell my husband that yours has gay admirer and maybe he'll step up with workouts. Every man secretly wants a gay admirer they just won't admit it.

The Red Headed Mama said...

Best story I've read in a long time. It would be a crime not to share this with the internet, seriously.

Pricilla said...

Irony is a beautiful thing....

Megan said...

Oh my! That is frickin HILARIOUS!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Rebecca Jo said...

You need to let your husband know - that is the compliment above ALL compliments... if a gay guy thinks your hot at the gym, then you must be pretty stinking hot!

Tell him to stand strong in his manhood & flex for this guy at the gym... its almost like a "Paying it forward' Thing... it helps the world be a better place! :)

survivinglifedaily said...

Bahahha I shouldn't have read this during lunch!

Sara said...

LMBO! Al should be paying you! Great story and love how the fortune came true. LOVE IT!

Kim said...

Priceless!

Shell said...

Aw, he's a hottie!

Nothing for him to be embarrassed about at all. I'm sure you have a more embarrassing story that you're dying to tell...

Aunt of 14 said...

That is so freaking perfect!!! No, you cannot blame the gay guy... Al definitely is a hottie, so it definitely was a compliment.

I have a friend who is VERY straight, and very married, but guys seem to get so attracted to him for some reason. Especially gay guys. And Darius's response to these are "Oh well, I'm just that cute, what can I do about it?!"

Very secure in his masculinity!!

blueviolet said...

Now you know that this just completely changed my outlook on the day! Oh Alex, you're so hot that you cross gender lines....I love it!

Call Me Cate said...

Tell him what I tell Joe - you don't like, get your own blog!!!

Hilarious though. Poor poor husband of yours.

Courtney said...

Hilarious! I think I peed a little I was laughing so hard!

Brian Miller said...

omg. my wife would be dead. lol.

Suzi said...

Bwahaha! Nice. Well, at least he knows he's hot! Both men and women are admiring his hot bod.

Mindy, Tyler, and Kids said...

Nice!! Although, Tyler wouldn't be asking monetary payment!! His bill never gets paid though! ;)

otin said...

I went to a gay bar in Atlantic City, having no idea that it was a gay bar. I found out when the two guys a few bar stools down started making out! LOL

Julia said...

Oh my oh my oh my.... What can I say.

I totally had the paw in face reaction.

My question is: Do you think Al would not have shared a story about a secret girl admirer who was stalking you???

OF COURSE HE WOULD!!!

Christy said...

That. Was. Hilarious! I don't care how much it's costing - it was well worth sharing!

Robyn said...

Ok, you SO owe him! But... I'm officially crying I'm laughing so hard.

You've gotta frame that fortune. You just gotta!!!

KK said...

That. Is. Awesome!

kanishk said...

Thats Awesome!!!

Work from home India

Alexis AKA MOM said...

OMGosh!! LOVE it hey I was always flattered when I heard a girl had a crush on me ... LOL Yup I'm so giving out the vibe :).

Topper my college teacher even asked me on a date, but darn it why oh why couldn't I get a lipstick lesbian to like me.

Then I so could rub it in Ricks face boohyaa yup she's into me not you ... LOL!

WhisperingWriter said...

This is hilarious. My husband keeps asking me what's so funny.

Rachel said...

Bahahahahaha!!! I am trying so hard to keep my laughing quiet so I don't wake up the hubby. The fortune was really the icing on the cake!!!! That is great!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just about spit my coffee out. Instead I just choked on it. ;)

That story wasn't worth $2500 - because it's priceless... ;)

lynne said...

hahahaha. HILARIOUS! My husband would have been MORTIFIED! love it. love it.

Princess Andy said...

*this* is the kind of shit that happens when you hang with the good lookin' people.

i'd say he's pretty peachy to look at, but i'm fairly sure you could kick my ass.

so i won't.

<3 andrea

AmyLK said...

Hillarious! Poor Al!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

That is hilarious! Congratulate him for me on his popularity.

You are SO right about the gays in Utah thing. I used to work with a team of 7 people. In time, we found out the four of them (more than 50% were gay!) It's a strange little world we live in.

Jon and Steph said...

Bahahaha that's awesome! I can't believe this dude actually said "I want to get lost in his eyes" holy night that's hilarious. Thanks for sharing the story!

And I love the clip of Andy Samberg...

Janalyn and Rob said...

OK, that is hilarious! Al is a hottie though. ☺

ChicagoLady said...

If I were a gay guy, I'd totally crush on Al! Does Al have a secret history of leaving broken hearts wherever he goes? LOL

LadyStyx said...

*attempts to stifle a laugh and fails miserably*

*snortlez*

*grabs some tissues to wipe the tears from my eyes*

omg... *laffin* truly priceless!

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it