Friday, March 12, 2010

I Cannot Brain Today, I Have The Dumb




Thought:
I propose a new law for the color black. Only one shade of the color black should be allowed, no variations. That way, you can buy black pants at one store and a black jacket at another store and they are guaranteed to match. There will be a test that every black color has to take and if the color does not pass, it cannot be called black.

Brilliant, I know.




Thought:
Facebook needs to have a "dislike" button, not just the "like" button.




Thought:
Why are there scuff marks on the toilet seats where I work?





Fact:
When I was little, my favorite thing to do was to press my palms against my eyes and hold them there until I could see crazy moving designs and colors in the back of my eyelids. I probably damaged my eye sight a great deal doing that.

And my brain.




Thought:
Why must people come into my office, fart, and then leave pretending like they didn't just leave a huge stink bomb hovering over my head?







Fact:
I always thought that in Prince's song "Little Red Corvette" it said "livin on up" instead of "little red corvette" in the chorus. I just found this out last year.


Listen Here.



Thought:
I hate it when people pronounce the word "our" as "are".




Thought:
I hate that dried crusty milk on top of the milk jug. Especially when it falls into my cereal.




Fact:
No matter what emotion I am feeling, it always brings tears to my eyes.


Happy? Tears.
Sad? Tears.
Mad? Tears.
Excited? Tears.







Will someone please tell my tear ducts to shut the hell up?

33 comments:

Christine Macdonald said...

Fact. You are awesome.

Melissa said...

You damaged your tear ducts by pressing your palms to your eyes when you were little!

Jen said...

I love your thoughts.

MJW said...

Loved this post! :)

blueviolet said...

We should compare notes on things we did as children that most likely caused permanent brain damage. I guarantee I'll give you a run for your money.

I'm fine with our and are but I'm not ok with pronouncing huge like youge!

mommyinreallife said...

LMAO - you are seriously too funny.

And total agree on the whole black thing... wait... that doesn't sound very PC...

DISLIKE!

Pricilla said...

It's all the gas from all those farts...

Pricilla said...

...or you are pregnant

singedwingangel said...

EEEk sneak attacks on the farting.. haveyou been to my testosterone laden house?? I live in that daily.. the GREEN WALL will eat you.. EVen MIchael Duncan Clark from the Green Mile fears the GREEN WALL

Lee said...

HOLY CRAP I HATE THE CRUSTY MILK STUFF TOO!!

I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!

It tortures me when I accidentally get some in my glass.

I always imagine my milk tastes bad because of it.

Rebecca Jo said...

I like you dumb... you funny! :)

Justine said...

Aw, Poo, don't cry over crusty milk.

Scuff marks on the potty. Hmmm.. don't really wanna contemplate that.

I farted in Target tonight and it smelled so bad that it followed me for about 5 aisles.

Justine :o )

Brian Miller said...

skids marks on the toilet...that would make me cry as well...

Kasey Hunt said...

your thoughts make me laugh!! I'm wondering why the bachelor show hasn't casted a different race other than white for the bachelor/ bachelorette??? We are a very diversed country, add some flavor to the show!!!

Life with Kaishon said...

I love your new black idea. Can we talk to the fashion industry and see if we can get this into place ASAP? : )

And the dislike button! Brilliant!

Queenie Jeannie said...

I love you Lil Sis!!! Be a good girl and cheer up and I'll invite you to my villa in Italy....

otin said...

We have some of the same things when it comes to eyes. I used to rub mine so that I could see the spots! LOL! I can also tear up at happy or sad.

KK said...

Oh my gosh, so true! Oh and are for our is my biggest pet peeve. I stopped watching that show about the gosselins because she said it that way and it freaked me out!

Julie said...

My tear ducts do the same thing. Some sort of defect from birth I think.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I have the same sort of reaction with my tear ducts, too. ;)

When my parents would promise us a Happy Meal if we sit still and be quiet during church, I would try to keep my eyes from blinking as I stared at the pastor until he had this hazy glow around him. That won me a Happy Meal every time! ;)

Princess Andy said...

i did the "eye thing" also...perhaps this is why i needed laser surgery. interesting...yet pointless to worry about now.

and everything that i own is black...various shades of fading. it works, i'm beyond trying to be too fashionably impressive;)

<3 andrea

Robyn said...

I'm in total agreement! With all of it!

Sara said...

The man laughs are killing me at the office. Not sure if I'd prefer stink bombs. Actually I might, cause I could just spray freshener, whereas the man laughs involves stuffing a sock in three men's mouths and I'm pretty sure that we have a no contact policy. damn.

You were born with your bladder too close to your eyes. Great visual, huh?

yulz said...

would love to see that DISLIKE button soon =)

Bethany said...

I like to cry at everything as well. I enjoy the looks of pity it gets me.

Nana said...

I have the same tear thing going on. Especially when someone farts in my face.

Back in the day when Papa and I were dirt poor we cleaned offices at night. Lawer offices I might add. Of course the bathrooms were included. One stall in the men's room always had big dried bugers smeared on it EVERY time I went in there to clean. (Yes I cleaned it!)

(I have to finish gagging before I can go on.)

I can't go on that's it.

Jason, as himself said...

I totally did that same thing with my eyes when I was little! It was like my own little fireworks show in my head!

Wifey said...

Ok, the toilet seat has me stumped.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Synergy Girl said...

That was so random...I love!! I SOOO used to do that with mine eyes too...it would make crazy lights, and seiiously mad patterns that would put the likes of Fantasia to shame...never understood that movie...

JennyMac said...

HAHAHAH..you are hysterical. And the dislike button is genius.

scuff marks on the toilet seat? Ick.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh Rick always makes so much fun of me with the crying I can't help it no matter what show I usually cry!

Oh farting I was at the gym next to a person that did it like 5 times, well I gave up count after that, I mean really go potty!!!

Suzi said...

Dear Pooba's Tear Ducts~
Shut the hell up!

I agree with the dislike button. Where is that thing anyway?

Anonymous said...

You can stop yourself from crying by using your tongue to tickle the roof of your mouth.