Monday, November 8, 2010

Practice Safe Text

Ok confession. I have been dating. I didn't want to start dating so soon but found that it's a pretty good distraction and can be very entertaining. So I decided to date purely for the entertainment factor of it all. I know that makes me sound shallow but come on, I don't want anything right now and have found dating has helped my self esteem since it's been in the gutter as of late.


Dating has changed a lot in 10 years, it's more hi-tech. Instead of calling, it's texting and apparently responding back via text on a timely basis is VERY important.

One thing I've learned is that I am too laid back to be dating. Good God I didn't know guys could be so much drama! Seriously. I thought it was girls who were supposed to freak out if they don't hear back from the person they are dating. I thought it was girls that would prefer spending every minute of every day with the person they are dating.

Naw, not girls, it's men in their 30s. They are like little whiny high school girls. No joke.

Case in point.

I had been dating a guy, we will call him Pube, just because I think it's funny. I had gone on about 8 dates with Pube and he was pretty nice, funny, and most importantly, not annoying. Or so I thought.

Well, he totally started ruining the whole hanging out/dating thing for me by telling me that I'm the first girl that he's thought about family and kids with.

Sigh. Why can't guys just hang out without wanting a relationship? I thought that's what guys were into, but apparently not.

....So one Friday night I was hanging out in Park City and went on a midnight hike. I knew my phone wouldn't work in the mountains so I just left it back at my friend's house. While I was phoneless, Pube had sent me a text asking what I was doing that weekend.

Of course I didn't get that text until the next day because I was in the mountains all night. So I write him back the next day. Here is our text conversation:

Friday 9:22 pm
Pube: What are you doing this weekend?

Friday 10:18 pm
Pube: Or don't respond. That always works.

Saturday 12:14 pm
Me: Sorry! Yes, I am headed to lay town tomorrow. It's my bro's bday, yay cake!

(Yes, I'm retarded)

Saturday 3:41 pm
Pube: That's the 3rd time you've said sorry in less then a week. Not good.

(WTF? Did he seriously just say that? That came out of nowhere. I'm a little pissed so I write back...)

Saturday 3:56 pm
Me: Well I went camping last night so I didn't get your text till today.

And then I didn't hear back from him that night. Which is really strange because he usually responds within the hour. He obviously is trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Problem with that is I don't really care so it doesn't really work.

So I forgot all about Pube and his needy-ass texts until Sunday night when I was awoken at 3 in the morning by my phone beeping. What the hell? I thought. So I check my phone and this is what I get:

Monday 3:04 am
Pube: You are kind of f**king up, so what do you think? I like you, but I think I should find 1 of those "needy utah girls". They might call too much, but they have your back . . . But what I want is you. Point is you need to tell me wtf you want.

Monday 3:15 am
Pube: And those "utah girls" don't go camping past oct 15th when its 27 degrees outside. It must have been chilly.

W T F ????

Yeah, I read that and was pretty shocked, he basically just accused me of lying. This guy is like a sweetheart in person, what the hell is going on? So I go back to sleep and decide to deal with it in the morning.

Dude. Who does that?

I decide it's time to get rid of this needy dude and because I'm really classy and have no problem with confrontation, I break it off with him in an email.

At least it wasn't a text.


I guess some people take it pretty seriously.


blueviolet said...

You did the right thing. He'd be the kind who'd want to know where you were all the time, who you were with, and all that drama. The curb was the move.

Rebecca Jo said...


Pube sounds kinda like a weirdo....

Insecure much?

Good thinking dropping him quickly... before he was standing outside your window with a boombox! :)
(Ahh - no offense to Lloyd Dobbler)

Kasey Hunt said...

Weirdo!!!!!!!! Glad you kicked him to the curb!

Brian Miller said...

way too needy...ack....(listening to my voice to see if i whine)

Pricilla said...

I am sorry but you could not pay me to have to date right now.

Kristina P. said...

Wow, he sure jumped on the cookoo train fast, didn't he!!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

WOW!!! I usually don't start showing my crazy until a few months into a relationship!

Dari said...

Wow, this is pure hilarity. He was really worked up over you! I'm sure glad you saw his true colors before wasting anymore time on him ha ha What a sucker!

Anthony aka Aunt Fernie said...

Sorry you're not closer to Pennsyltucky, Jason, I would love to date you....or something. If you're ever in the area (yeah, right), give me a holler.

Anthony aka Aunt Fernie

Tiffany said...

Thank you for re-affirming my decision not to date. Of course, being 40, having 5 kids (and two ex-husbands) pretty much makes that a moot decision anyway.

Now I can live vicariously through you! Bwwaaa haaa haaaaaa!!!

Stacy Uncorked said...

You SO don't need a needy nelly - or in this case Pube. You deserve SO much better! Good move movin' on! :)

angie said...

Goody! I have been waiting for the crazy dating stories!

Eve said...

Oh my gosh!!

I don't like him, glad you threw him back
... let's keep looking. ;)

Karin Katherine said...

WOW---I'm so glad I haven't been on a date in over a decade.

Excluding date nights with my husband which are really just "leaving the house without the kids nights".

That is CRAZY.

But what is CRAZIER is the fact you didn't include what you wrote him in the email!!!! I want to know!

Suzi said...

OMG, sounds a bit intense. Not sure I could hack the dating scene....ever.

Jason, as himself said...

Good thing! Pube (I LOVE that name!) sounds like psycho.

I'm glad you're dating. I think it's a healthy thing to do!

Zusje said...

That's a pretty funny story.Personally I don't think Pube sounds like a psycho,just someone who might have been messed with a lot in the past so now he's more to the point,but deff needy and I wouldn't be able to deal with that much insecurity either(got enough of my own,don't need to have a guy's too!).Good luck finding mr Right (now).

Princess Andy said...


and i thought that your text about "yay cake!" was so hilarious.

any man that cannot find humour in that needs to watch less porn.

what a pervert.


Dolly said...

Guys are so full of drama (ask me-I have six brothers and four sons). My daughter and I just look at each other and roll our eye-balls!

*She knows drama too...middle-school.

Mindy, Tyler, and Kids said...

But he "wants" you Pooba! Can you really blame him? Way too many weirdos out there.

Shandal said...

Holy hell what a lame-o! Maybe he had a tampon stuck in his butt or something. Gag me! I would'e dropped him like a bad habit too!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

HOLY snikes dude you really have some issues that need some deep therapy to be resolved!!

Shell said...

Yikes. Definitely good to get rid of him.

I never thought about how texting and social media would change dating now. No anticipation any more- it's all instant communication.

Queenie Jeannie said...

"one of those needy Utah girls"??? What the heck??? Loser! Well dumped lil Sis, well dumped.

No class gets you no ass!

(Who said that???)

Marissa said...

Oh Kel, you are NOT helping me get excited about re-joining the dating world. Especially when I hear about those 30 somethings behind total nut jobs. And I guess you can't find many early 20 somethings that want to go out with us either :-( We're not quite old enough to be the cool cougars

University of Iowa Meg said...

WOAH. Just read this after I commented above. Drop this guy like a bad habit. Needy much? And way to read into EVERYTHING...and he is just a d-bag. Just sayin'

Closer to Lucy said...

I just got your break up text.. LMAO!

What a Pube!

Synergy Girl said...

Oh EM GEE...I swear I just heard his balls retreat up into his breasts...

Red Stethoscope said...

DUDE...Pube sounds like a PUBE! Why is he up all night sending you these drama-filled, passive-aggressive text messages?

I called off a wedding around the same time as your divorce and I love the word "distraction" to describe dating. It is a good distraction indeed :) Looking forward to reading more of your blog!