What's Worse?

I'm not sure what's worse, living with kids that spill on the floor and write on the walls or living with animals that constantly shed, track in dirt, slobber on the couches, and puke on the carpet. Not to mention cats who like to carry their poop around the house and stash it under the refrigerator!

Our cute little dog Dozer is guilty of all of the above. Instead of coloring on the walls, he's flipping slobber on the walls, instead of spilling on the floor, he chews his bones leaving nasty crusted remnants that stick to the carpet fibers, and instead of leaving his toys all over the house, he leaves his toys all over the house.

No matter how many times I tell him to put his toys in his basket when he's done playing with them, he just won't do it.

Keeping this dog clean is a never ending challenge. When Al & I got back from vacation, our house was taken over by our furry children. A week's worth of hair, slobber, dirt and who knows what covered the house!


First thing we do, vacuum the dog.




Al was on brushing duty and I had vacuum duty. After an hour of this process, you can imagine all the hair we collected! I will spare you the pictures of the hair in the trash can, it is too gross and pretty embarrassing for Dozer!

Dozer was okay with the brushing, but like most dogs, he is deathly afraid of vacuums so he wasn't too happy with that process.




You can see Smokey (the cat) lying in the background laughing to himself, secretly enjoying the torture going on in front of him. Dozer hated being humiliated in front of his superiors, our cats run our household after all.




But this weekend, I awarded Dozer with this sweet new collar!




Isn't he adorable?




Alex is not too happy about my color choice. I don't know why, pink is in for guys these days isn't it? But Al had to tell Dozer how gay and feminine he looked and Dozer did not take too kindly to that, he is a sensitive dog after all.




I had to explain to Dozer that Al and I don't care what sort of life style he chooses, we not only have human family members with an alternate lifestyle, but our own two kitties are gay and proudly display their love and affection for each other openly in front of us everyday.

After our little talk, Dozer decided that he is secure in his masculinity and will hold his head high and proudly display his new pink collar. So no matter what Al says, the collar is staying! He looks too adorable don't ya think?


Now back to the subject at hand, I want your opinions. Especially opinions of those mothers who have both children and furry children.


What's worse, the messes your animals make, or the messes your kids make?

My Apologies to Costa Rica

As promised, the last night of our trip was the best time I've ever had. As Suzi so gently put it, I prayed to the porcelain gods.



But listen how sweet my hubster is. He was up with me rubbing my back while I was puking. He brought in all the bedding from the bedroom so I could sleep on the bathroom floor. When he had to use the bathroom at 4 in the morning, he walked all the way outside and downstairs to use the public restroom, almost getting eaten by a giant lizard on his way!


So here I am, puking but warm and comfy with all the pillows and blankets while Albert is in the next room shivering. I thought he at least had a sheet, at least that's what he told me, but no, he stayed up all night checking on me and taking care of me.




Don't let his big bad ass exterior fool ya, he's just a big teddy bear! He packed all our things for me in the morning and let me sleep in.



Now when I pack for a trip, I make a list of everything and label our ziplock bags so I know what goes in each bag. Well Alex was smart enough to keep one of the empty ziplock bags in case I had to puke in it. This bag was labeled FACE. So the next morning we have to take a 2 hour bus ride to the airport in San Jose.




A 2 HOUR BUS RIDE THROUGH THIS:




No smooth highways here! Just bumping Up & down and winding around. (I'm a poet) So there we are on the bus with 50 other people. Five minutes into the ride I was going to puke. I stand up and turn around and this woman has her legs up resting on the seat across the aisle from her blocking my way. I gagged and 'bout threw up in her lap. She looked up at my white face and bulging eyeballs and lucky for her, she moved her legs just in time!


So I ran to the back of the bus and threw up in my "FACE" labeled ziplock bag. Alex of course came back to help me through the rest of the bus ride. After I had nothing left to throw up, I zipped up the bag of throw up (It was all water people, I hadn't eaten anything that morning) and set it on the floor below me so I could throw it away at the airport.


When torture was over and we arrived at the airport, I reached down to pick up my "FACE" bag and realized that it had a hole in it and it had spilled out all over the floor. Alex and I looked at eachother, grabbed the rest of our stuff and ran off the bus. Yep, we left the puky "FACE" bag on the floor of the bus.





So here is my apology to whoever in Costa Rica had to clean up my puke. I'm SORRY! I was dilusional and my husband had no sleep, we didn't know what we were doing!

Our Busy Hooker

I'd like to share just a few more highlights of our trip to Costa Rica. If you are bored already with our trip, too bad cuz I got more to show you!




We went into "town" to Jaco a couple times to shop and go to the beach. I thought the town was really cool and I enjoyed going from shop to shop to see all the authentic lookin suff (or junk, in Al's words). Jaco is a beach town so the people all seem pretty relaxed and very casual, most of the attire there were flip flops, shorts, & tanks. The first time we went into town I chose the wrong outfit to wear.




I was wearing these heals which was a bad idea considering their sidewalks (in the places there were sidewalks) were bumpy, full of rocks and these little holes that would grab the heel of your shoe so when you walk over them, your shoe stays stuck in the ground while the rest of you bout falls on your face.


If that wasn't embarrasing enough everyone was staring becuase they've never seen such a tall monster in their town before, so I learned my lesson and the next time I wore flip flops and fit right in. Here is one of the anklets I bought from a guy for a buck!





Funny, I'm not sure why they have these trash basket thingy's on their sidewalks because they seem to throw their trash everywhere BUT here. I guess their not really known for their basketball players.




So back at the marina, Al and I weren't expecting to fall in love. Yes we are in love with eachother, but we weren't expecting to fall in love with a boat. Oh how we knew this boat was meant for us the minute we set eyes on it. It truly was love at first sight:






That's right, The Busy Hooker. Unfortunately the boat was too heavy to check at the airport and we already had too many carry ons so sadly we had to leave our love behind. One day, we'll be back...one day.

To help ease the pain of our loss, later that night I was pretending to be in our hooker boat joyfully rowing away, a girl can dream right?




So after we enjoyed some yummy frozen mochas, we went back to our hotel. The pathway to the Marina was beautiful. There was a really long ivy tunnel lookin thingy (don't know what they call it) that we walked through everday.






Isn't this the most adorable thing you've ever seen? That's my Big Al!




So the last night of our trip was great. The group we went with had a farewell dinner with great food and an interesting band. I say interesting because one of the band members seemed to be playing with himself, not his instrument. (Well, I guess it was "his" own instrument)




Here's some pics of the party:








You see this food below? Looks wonderful don't ya think?




Well little did I know that food would be the end of me. This was the last picture of our trip. Why? Because I spent the rest of the night puking my guts out in the toilet of our hotel room. Alex thought I got food poisening, but whatever you wanna call it was pure torture. And I'm going to spare you the details for now, but your not getting off that easy. I'll be sharing the funnest part of the trip with you tomorrow.

The part where I almost puke on a woman's lap.

I know, you can't wait right?

"Ahem"

I've never done this thing before but being the daring and adventurous person that I am.

*cough*cough*

I thought I'd try it! It's such a cool idea! It's basically a gift swap! You send a package of all your favorite things to another blogger and someone sends one to you in return. Simple as that no?



Go check out Mamarazzi to sign up! But only if you're serious, If you sign up but don't send a gift and keep the one that some kind hearted intelligent really cool blogger [ahem, like me, ahem] sent you then I am going to be pissed off.

You don't want to see this blond pissed, you thought I had a potty mouth in my last post, well you have NO idea!

I might even break out the H E double hockey sticks people.

I'm Fo Sho Going To Hell. Who's With Me?

Holy Crap, this was the hardest post I've ever done. I've never posted videos before so I hope they work!


And back to the Costa Rica:


We decided we should probably take a break from taken it easy and go on the crocodile safari adventure, ya know, just to change things up a bit, which is where the swearing in front of innocent children occurred, and not just any one's children, Dan the Laptop Man's children! So we woke up early, put on our flip flops, grabbed the camera, and were off. (Yep, wearin nothin but flip flops baby)




Al and I are crocodile-safari-virgins so we had no idea what to expect. I thought we'd probably see a bunch of birds and maybe a small croc or two if we were lucky. Well, let me tell you, we were plenty lucky...I think. But first, I'll start with the weak sauce, the birds:




Now don't get me wrong, the birds were beautiful, they just weren't the exciting part of the safari. Our tour guide was actually pretty funny, he told us about a little lizard that they liked to call the Jesus Christ lizard. I wasn't able to get a picture of the fast little bugger but I did get a picture of our tour guide.




He was chuck full of jokes and he said the reason they call this lizard the Jesus Christ lizard is because 1) He walks on water (which he really does, it's crazy!) and 2) When people see him walk on water they shout "Jesus Christ!" Speaking of lizards...Costa Rica is full of Iguanas, they were everywhere, but this one was probably the prettiest one we saw(if you can call them pretty):




Woops, sorry, that's Dan the Laptop Man.

Phonebook to the Head!



If you're not from Utah you probably have no idea who Dan the Laptop Man is so I suggest you go here for a second to watch his crazy cheesy commercials where he acts like he is high on crack and professes his love to you, that's right you! I always wondered what this guy was like in person, was he as wacked out and weird as he is in his commercials, and if so, could he get me a good deal on crack? (I'm kidding mom!) I got my answer on our Crocodile tour:




Not so much. Or maybe he was just going through withdrawls. Anyway, besides the sleepy Dan the Laptop Man, we saw this iguana as well which had to be a female, no male could possibly make an ugly lizard look this pretty:




Ok,now comes the fun part, the crocodiles! We came across these lazy ass turds first:



Which was scary and exciting in itself but then our boat driver dude parked the boat and decided he would feed the crocodiles! Everything started making sense to me at this point, the boat driver dude must have stolen poor Dan's crack! So here is a very short video clip of that feeding and pay no attention to the strange bright blue creature in the sunglasses:



We thought that was pretty friggin crazy, that is until we came across this mother effer!





The boat driver dude parked our boat right next to this thing! Now this little video clip is where my potty mouth got me in trouble. I said the "G" word, which in Utah is the worst swear word ever, and then I said the "S" word. Now I come from a family that doesn't swear, unless we're playing an intense game of Nertz in which case any form of potty mouth restraint gets thrown out the window, so I'm sorry to dissapoint everybody but could you blame me after watching this clip?




Instead of throwing a child overboard to distract the croc, the boat driver dude was smacking the dirt so that the mother effer would walk toward the sound allowing boat driver dude back on the boat. It took Forever! Throwing a child over board would have been much quicker, but what can ya do? So after I apologized to the children and their mother, we were able to finish the tour without anyone getting eaten or beaten.





However I don't think Dan the Laptop man truly forgave me. On the trip home I was sitting alone after my dear hubster abondoned me for an exit row seat. (He's a BIG dude, I forgave him) Dan came over and saw he was assigned to sit next to me and with a look of utter disgust on his face, he started to barter his seat to anyone who would trade places with him.

I checked my pits and they smelt like rose petals so I knew it couldn't have been my stench that drove him away, but he ended up taking a seat on the other side of the plane anyway. I was so dissapointed,

I was looking forward to snorting my smarties with him.

Oh well.