I'm Fo Sho Going To Hell. Who's With Me?

Holy Crap, this was the hardest post I've ever done. I've never posted videos before so I hope they work!


And back to the Costa Rica:


We decided we should probably take a break from taken it easy and go on the crocodile safari adventure, ya know, just to change things up a bit, which is where the swearing in front of innocent children occurred, and not just any one's children, Dan the Laptop Man's children! So we woke up early, put on our flip flops, grabbed the camera, and were off. (Yep, wearin nothin but flip flops baby)




Al and I are crocodile-safari-virgins so we had no idea what to expect. I thought we'd probably see a bunch of birds and maybe a small croc or two if we were lucky. Well, let me tell you, we were plenty lucky...I think. But first, I'll start with the weak sauce, the birds:




Now don't get me wrong, the birds were beautiful, they just weren't the exciting part of the safari. Our tour guide was actually pretty funny, he told us about a little lizard that they liked to call the Jesus Christ lizard. I wasn't able to get a picture of the fast little bugger but I did get a picture of our tour guide.




He was chuck full of jokes and he said the reason they call this lizard the Jesus Christ lizard is because 1) He walks on water (which he really does, it's crazy!) and 2) When people see him walk on water they shout "Jesus Christ!" Speaking of lizards...Costa Rica is full of Iguanas, they were everywhere, but this one was probably the prettiest one we saw(if you can call them pretty):




Woops, sorry, that's Dan the Laptop Man.

Phonebook to the Head!



If you're not from Utah you probably have no idea who Dan the Laptop Man is so I suggest you go here for a second to watch his crazy cheesy commercials where he acts like he is high on crack and professes his love to you, that's right you! I always wondered what this guy was like in person, was he as wacked out and weird as he is in his commercials, and if so, could he get me a good deal on crack? (I'm kidding mom!) I got my answer on our Crocodile tour:




Not so much. Or maybe he was just going through withdrawls. Anyway, besides the sleepy Dan the Laptop Man, we saw this iguana as well which had to be a female, no male could possibly make an ugly lizard look this pretty:




Ok,now comes the fun part, the crocodiles! We came across these lazy ass turds first:



Which was scary and exciting in itself but then our boat driver dude parked the boat and decided he would feed the crocodiles! Everything started making sense to me at this point, the boat driver dude must have stolen poor Dan's crack! So here is a very short video clip of that feeding and pay no attention to the strange bright blue creature in the sunglasses:



We thought that was pretty friggin crazy, that is until we came across this mother effer!





The boat driver dude parked our boat right next to this thing! Now this little video clip is where my potty mouth got me in trouble. I said the "G" word, which in Utah is the worst swear word ever, and then I said the "S" word. Now I come from a family that doesn't swear, unless we're playing an intense game of Nertz in which case any form of potty mouth restraint gets thrown out the window, so I'm sorry to dissapoint everybody but could you blame me after watching this clip?




Instead of throwing a child overboard to distract the croc, the boat driver dude was smacking the dirt so that the mother effer would walk toward the sound allowing boat driver dude back on the boat. It took Forever! Throwing a child over board would have been much quicker, but what can ya do? So after I apologized to the children and their mother, we were able to finish the tour without anyone getting eaten or beaten.





However I don't think Dan the Laptop man truly forgave me. On the trip home I was sitting alone after my dear hubster abondoned me for an exit row seat. (He's a BIG dude, I forgave him) Dan came over and saw he was assigned to sit next to me and with a look of utter disgust on his face, he started to barter his seat to anyone who would trade places with him.

I checked my pits and they smelt like rose petals so I knew it couldn't have been my stench that drove him away, but he ended up taking a seat on the other side of the plane anyway. I was so dissapointed,

I was looking forward to snorting my smarties with him.

Oh well.