Monday, November 23, 2009

Team Eerie Nipple Guy? Palease.

I did it.


I saw New Moon. As I'm sure everyone else in the world did, and I'm going to blog about it. As I'm sure everyone else in the world is too.


I'm a follower, not a leader and I'm okay with that.


Now excuse me while I get my "Kate Gosselin" on and conduct my own interview by answering my own questions.


1. Did I like it? Yes.

2. Did I like it better than Twilight? Yes.

3. Do I think Edward has weird nipples? Yes.

4. Do I think Jacob has weird nipples? Hell No.

5. Did I like Jacob's wig? No.

6. Do I think that Jacob is beautiful and should be added to my "To Do" list? Yes.

7. Do I think that Jacob has a secret crush on me and is totally going to blow off Bella to come take me away to a secret house on the beach to spend many romantic nights staring into the sunset while professing his undying love for me? Hell Yes.

8. Do I think the hubster is okay with that? Of course.


Ok, raise your hand if you DID NOT switch to team Jacob after seeing that movie? You better not have your hand up.


Put your hand down DeAnna!


Edward is creepy, did you see his nipples? One is totally bigger than the other, how can you be pro eerie nipples?



If you had a choice between that and this:



Would you really choose eerie nipple guy? Didn't think so.


Still not convinced?! Okay lets compare.




















And...



















Okay, now that we are all on the same team, let's continue.


Bella was not so annoying in New Moon as she was in Twilight. There was far less tourettish blinking and twitching, however I'm pretty sick of seeing her lazy eye. I bet out of the 2 hour film, 1 1/2 hours were spent pausing 2 inches away from her face. I wanted to tape her eyelid to her eyebrow so it would open all the way.


I can't stand it when things aren't even. (Hence my nipple issue.)


After Edward left I don't think the movie portrayed her depression accurately. She just looked tired, that's all. And filming her in a chair staring out the window while the camera rotates around her to indicate the changing of seasons does not sit well with me.


And actually counting down the months on screen, October, November, December...come on people, you could come up with something better than that to show the passage of time.


Just sayin.


Bella's dad? LOVE HIM. I think they got his character right on.


Buggin:
Vampire eyes, can we please choose a little more subtle contact lens next time? That combined with the awful vampire makeup was over the top.


Don't you know the humans are not supposed to realize that the Cullins are vampires? Either the humans in this movie were just blind or they're all dumb asses not to realize they are surrounded by undead blood sucking vampires.


F'real.


And I'm not sure why Dakota Fanning was even in this movie.


That is all.


















Word.

62 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Can I be team, Want to Poke My Eyes Out?

And seriously, get Edward some bronzer already!

The Rambler said...

Oh snap. Were you in my head?

Me and some of my staff watched it last night and the FIRST thing we talked about was the friggin nipple. It was like a record screeched to a halt.

Oh...and the cheesy running through the forest with Edward to show she was a vampire....IDK...we actually looked at each other and mouthed WTF?

Awesome review. Oh and can I borrow Jacob when you need a break? :)

Nana said...

Sorry I forgot to where my infared? night vision goggles to the movie. I didn't notice the nipple thing.

Jake? really? I mean I wouldn't go for eerie nipple dude either.

They both look like they are 12 yrs. old to me. Especially Jake. Are you a pervert?

Maybe I am just old.

No, that isn't it.

Your a pervert. Yep.

WORD.

Jason, as himself said...

I'd take either one.

And BTW? Jacob was in my daughter's English class last year.

Tremayne and Dellany Higby said...

L O L. Good thing you gave me half of my material for when me and the hubs go to mock, ahem I mean, watch the movie. hehe

Ms. Wanda said...

Well, now since I spent all of last week moving into a new house I missed the movie premier!
Thanks for your review Pooba, and I love the eye candy, you made my Monday:)

Tara said...

i went i loved it! I could go to jail for wanting a 17 year old so so so badly! No but seriously he worked it! Edward was gross, however part of me still loves him minus the nipples! JAKE is hot!

blueviolet said...

I find both of them equally repulsive! I'm sorry.

Yaya said...

Lol! Lovin' your review! Hahaha!!
I'm waiting til Jacob (taylor) turns 18 in February before I officially swoon. ;)

Rebecca Jo said...

My jaw literally dropped at Jacob standing in the rain... I've NEVER seen a hotter 17 yr old in my life!!!

Yeah - I had been warned about the nipple, so my eyes went straight to it! Distracting. I dont think its the nipple as much as hair around the one... eww... doesnt matter - I was too distracted wanting to see more of the jail bait boy!

And I kinda like how they did the seasons - only because in the book - its three pages with nothing on them but October, November, December... so I thought that was cool how they incorporated that.

Have you read Eclipse???? Oh my... I'm waiting to see the HOT sexy side of Jacob even more in that one... bring it on Mr. Abs!!!

Hernandez Family said...

So, now you realize that Jacob is like half your age?! Not saying your old just saying he is young. They have a name for people who fantise about kids. Just saying!

I was wondering how they would protray the passing of time in the movie. Sounds like they could have done a better job.

Hernandez Family said...

So, now you realize that Jacob is like half your age?! Not saying your old just saying he is young. They have a name for people who fantise about kids. Just saying!

I was wondering how they would protray the passing of time in the movie. Sounds like they could have done a better job.

Courtney said...

I agree with the vampire makeup issue! Did you notice when Edward and Bella were kissing in the Volturri hallway that the makeup was coming off on her hand? WTF?

Sara said...

I've always been Team Jacob. Glad people are seeing the light. ;) He's gorgeous! It was less hokey than Twilight and I can deal with it. Now on to Eclipse!

Frau said...

Haven't seen it yet but I think I'm Team Jacob I'm a lover of killer abs and those hippy things...

Jill said...

I agree with you 100%... although, however bad the makeup was in this movie, it was MUCH better than in Twilight. I remember watching it thinking "How in the world are people not looking at them and thinking 'my goodness! Those are DEAD PEOPLE!'"

Pricilla said...

Sorry don't know nothin' about this whole Twilight thing.

Don't hate me.

I'm a goat.

Jen said...

Interesting.

That is all.

Staci said...

i would just like to note that you are officially going to jail considering jacobs character is 16AND the dude who plays him in real life IS ONLY 17.....please think it through before you turn into mary kay leturno (spelling)?? i would hate to see you married, injail, with child....im just sayin ;)

Missy said...

Jake is what we refer to in our house as the "minor leagues" He can be on your future "to do" list.

In the books I'm team Edwards all the way but in the movies team Jake. Good Lord, he's yummy.

Intense Guy said...

I wish my nipples looked as good as either of the three of 'em (two matched, two unmatched... makes 3...)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

You know I live vicariously threw you right? I love hearing about the movie since it won't be coming to my house until after the DVD is released. This mamma sadly never gets out!

Hmmm strong arrangements then you add in pictures I mean really! Yummy!! Now let's tell Mario Lopez to stop trying to be part of the wolf pack and I'll be all good. Have you seen him ... LOL he is so shameless last two shows he's had to go shirtless to prove he can fit in ... UGH

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I'm like the last one on earth that hasn't read and seen Twilight! Seriously thinking it's about time to give in ;o)

I feel like a pedofile looking at Jacob since he was in Shark Boy & Lava Girl and like 12.

Wehrle said...

Ha!! I totally saw the nipple!!! No one else I was with saw it but ...HELLO how could you miss it!!!! eeeewwww!!
I am soooo team jacob, in the movie, but as far as the books I am going to have to stick with Edward because he sooo does not look like that in my head!!

Amy said...

I couldn't have said it any better!

Marsdinis said...

I had to laugh when I saw your post title. His nipple was very freaky and I was wondering if I missed it in the first one. Glad I"m not alone in wondering what was going on!

Suzi said...

When it comes to reading, I am all about Team Edward. Seeing the movie? ALL about Team Jacob. He. Is. Hot!

Heather@WHMB said...

Haha, I saw this on Saturday and agree with everything you said.

My only thing to add is to the theaters showing this film. They need one theater for those of us out of our teens, and one for the screaming, squealing, won't shut the hell up teens. Well, I guess there were people of all ages doing that. So yeah, seperate theater for the squealer/clappers, then us normals.

Shandal said...

I'm Team Edward when they have their shirts on, and Team Jacob when they have them off!

FrancoB. said...

Ok, so I'm not a twilight far nor predominantly gay, but I would choose Jacob.
don't tell anyone.

Elizabeth said...

Good lord. I don't even know anything about all this Team...stuff. But I am totally Team Jacob now.

otin said...

Gee, that was thrilling for me! :(( LOL!!!

Queenie Jeannie said...

OHMYGAWD!!!!! I totally said to my friend Rachel: EWWW!!! He's got a screwy nipple! YUCKY!!!!!

You are so brave lil Sis!! I wouldn't have balls to do this post, but you make me proud, lol!

Is it wrong to lust after a boy younger than my son???? Probably. Oh.Well.

TEAM JACOB!!!!!!!!! Rwoar!!

Rebecca said...

So, I've not read any of the Twilight books or seen the movies, but I can say from this post, I am for sure Team Jacob (whatever that means).

Frogs in my formula said...

Sorry, I like pasty guys.

jennster said...

i watched it! i blogged about it! and you're a crazy person. the end. lol

African American Mom said...

I have seriously got to pick up one of these books and see wha tall the hype is about.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I haven't been sucked into the whole Twilight saga yet.

But based on your thoughts and the comparison pictures I'd be Team Jacob all the way.

Will you share? ;)

Lee said...

The vampire eyes are SUPPOSED to be super buggin' bright.
So SHUT UP. *hisses*

You realize Jacob's 17... right?
*cough* cougar.

You know I love you. Hahah.

WhisperingWriter said...

I saw the movie today. I'll be blogging about it tomorrow.

I hadn't noticed the weird nipple. *Shudders*

Cairo Typ0 said...

"Do I think that Jacob is beautiful and should be added to my "To Do" list? Yes."

You are responsible for me literally spitting Coke Zero all over my new laptop. OMG that was too funny!!!

Rachel said...

I LOVE your review and interview with yourself. All of which, I could have said. My own review, not so well written except for the fact that I thought this movie was pretty fantastic! But yes, it had it's faults. But far less faults than Twilight did though.

And nipples, yes I noticed that too. Actually I didn't until my friend leaned over and said "his nippples look funny!" but I refused to continue to stare, I do love my Edward. However, is he more pale this time around? At this rate, by the time Breaking Dawn comes around he is just going to dissapear.

And Bella, sweet Bella, she didn't annoy me as much this time either. Her heavy breathing and sighs are always what get me. Like she has to sigh and pause her way through every word. But what did bother me... those nightmare scenes. What was that??!! Her screaming into her pillow every night was enough to make me want to throw popcorn at the screen if it wasn't so delicious.

And yes, Team Jacob I did turn. He is H-O-T!! But, when Edward returns so did my loyalty to Team Edward. Weird nipples and all!

Justine said...

Nope, gotta totally disagree with you here, even though I haven't seen the movie yet. I think Jacob is kinda fugly. His eyes are super squinty and the shape of his nose totally grosses me out. His bod IS hot, but I'd still take Edward over him any day. Even looking at the pictures I can't see the nipple discrepancy.

Justine :o )

CLUFF FAMILY said...

LOL I find too many faults in both of them on screen. So yes I am still for Edward in the book. Why didn't you mention how screwy Jacob's face is? Everyone is so focused on his body, they are overlooking his NOSE and the way his face is proportioned. Also, there was no mention of Edward's hairy chest. Gross, it isn't super hairy, but I think vampires should be hairless there. Come on Kel!

foxy said...

Okay, I may have switched teams for like half a second there. I mean, she does make a better match with Jacob. And I, on the other hand, make a better match with Edward.

ANYWAY. Yes, the contacts and the makeup were overdone. Waaaaaay too white with red lips. WTF? Can you be any more obvious?!

BUT, i have to say... i really liked how they showed the passage of months. I wanted to see the words in print - because they had such an emotional impact in the book - and i was glad they did it that way.

survivinglifedaily said...

I have to say I am still Team Edward, Jacob wasn't meant for Bella which I know now because I read the last book, but I have to admit Jacob is a fine specimen of man meat!

SJB said...

I haven't seen the movie yet (haven't had time), but have read all the books, and watched the first movie. I have been Team Jacob from the get-go! I just fell for him right away. He is definitely waaaaaay better eye-candy than Edward, fo sho! My twin sister and I are planning to go see it this weekend. Her husband is actually a cousin to Jacob, aka Taylor Lautner. Waaaaay Rad!! Taylor grew up here in Northern MI close to us. I myself have never met him, but dang - it's just cool to say that! Great review - now I'm even more anxious to go see it! I'll watch out for the eerie nipples too - thanks for the warning.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

sorry I still choose team pale and weird nippled. Something about his nerdy brooding quality. I think I'll never get over the jacob wig. Also he's 16. Edward is like 190.

Janalyn and Rob said...

I didn't notice the uneven nips at first, but after reading this and seeing it again (loser, I know!) it was the first thing I noticed when the shirt came off!

jennster said...

dude... please go save my marriage on my blog by telling boyfriend that i am NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO WANTS TO DO BAD THINGS TO JACOB. thanks. lol

Marissa said...

OMG! I totally agree! I never liked their selection for Edward in the movies, and especially disagreed with Bella. Although I can't really say WHO I would have liked to see instead...Oh well. I am 1 million percent team Edward when I read the books. Maybe I'll just forego the movie and read the books again a hundred times instead. I'll tell my husband he can go alone to the movie ;o)

LadyStyx said...

Man, a gal would need sunglasses to look at the one...with all that stinkin glare bouncin off his body. The only good thing about hangin with him is the fact that I'd actually look TAN.

glitterbygrammie said...

Wait until Jacob turns 18 and then he is fair game for all of us. Wooo Hooo
I am not impressed with Edward at all. In the movies or out of the movies. I have watched him on talk shows and he is kinda dumb. But hey Jacob is awesome. I think I am team Jacob also.
To funny post loved it.

nicole said...

I agree with most, I'm team Edward in the books, but team Jacob in the movie. I just don't agree with the Edward in the movie, he did not look like that in my head!!! And thanks for posting the pictures Kel, nothing like lusting over a 17 year old ;)

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Well you made me drool over a guy and then I find out he's not even an adult. I feel dirty. And I blame you. ;)

I haven't seen the movie (or read the books). Did see Twilight movie, not impressed. I'm afraid to pick up the books - obsessive fiction for mommy is not Monsoon's friend.

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Yeah Team Jacob! I loved the movie - way better than Twilight. I never noticed the nipple issue, but I just don't care for Rob Pat. Same thing w/Dakota Fanning, that was such a powerful character in the book and I just didn't get her. Have you seen the daughter on Castle? Now that's some good vampire material!

Jamie said...

Totally Team Jacob! I hadn't heard about the nipple thing but I heard that they had to PAINT on Edwards abs! Maybe he should take some lessons from Jacob and start hitting the gym!

Controlling My Chaos said...

I agree. Jacob is waaaaaay cuter.

Laura said...

I'm thinking team cougar for you except you might be too young to be one. What do you think :D

Mayhem and Moxie said...

I haven't jumped onto the Twilight wagon. I am sorry. Love me through it.

Because you are the Best Fri- to my -End.

And of course you like everything symmetrical...even nipples. Didn't everyone read the flower bed post?

People need to be using your archives more and commit your posts to memory, like I do. Otherwise, they can see themselves out of the BFF Club.

Synergy Girl said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ugh...what can I say...di-TTO??? I mean, I hate to admit that Edward will hold a place in my heart because of the books...but DAMN Jake...!!! When I saw it with my husband, he was laughing at me becuase I had already warned him of my lust for Jacob, and grabbed him in a silent squeal when he appeared on screen for the first time...again...!! HAHAHA...stupid Bella...couldn't she squeeze out ONE tear for her lover?? She bugs me...

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