Thursday, July 8, 2010

Douche Bags

So let's talk douche bags. It wasn't too long ago when I thought douche was pronounced dew-shay instead of doosh.


A dew-shay bag, if you will.


I don't remember where I had read about a douche bag, but in my head I was pronouncing it dew-shay.


Because I'm awesome like that.


So....one fine evening Alex and I went out to eat with a bunch of friends and someone called someone else a douche bag. Of course, being the mature adults we were, everyone busted up laughing. During the laughter I thought to myself, what is a douche bag anyway? And of course, since I never think before I speak, I blurted the question out loud to the group.


"What is a douche bag anyway?"


And of course, that made the group laugh even louder. Because, well, we are mature adults.


"You don't know what a douche bag is?"


"Um. No?" I immediately regretted opening my mouth and I started scolding myself in my head. Bad Pooba! Bad! No soup for you!


And so someone finally took pity on me and explained, right there at the restaurant mind you, exactly what a douche bag was. After I heard this, something clicked in my head and before I could stop my mouth, I said:


"Oh! You mean a dew-shay bag!"


That's when everyone got quite and stared at me with confused faces.


"Yeah, that's a dew-shay bag right?" I said again.


More blank stares. And then something clicked again in my head and I said:


"It's pronounced doosh isn't it? Doosh and dew-shay are one and the same aren't they?......I'm retarded."


And boy did everyone have a good laugh over that one. Will someone please teach me how to think before I speak?


Idiot.


36 comments:

Tiffany said...

LOL! I used to think taut and taunt were the same thing. So I would tell someone to pull the rope really taunt. It was YEARS before someone corrected me. Did I mention I was a straight A honor student? Uhm, yeah.

Love the Seinfeld reference!

Tiffany said...

BTW, I will, from here on out, pronounce it dew-shay bag.

foxy said...

Dew-shay like touche... I totally get it. I am sorry you said it in front of a group though.

Just to make you feel better: the other day I said poignant, but I pronounced it pwog-nant instead of poin-yunt, and my husband about died from laughing so hard. I only said it in front of him, but you can bet your ass that he's told that story a time or two by now. It's just how we learn, baby!

Justine said...

Holy crap, only you Poo, only you!!!

As you said, "No soup for you!"

Dumbass.

Justine :o )

Sara said...

Like touche, huh? It's okay, we all do it sometimes.

Jason, as himself said...

They're never gonna let you forget that one, I'm sure! If I were there, I certainly wouldn't!

You're such a dew-shay bag.

Kristina P. said...

Isn't this the second post from you about your pronunciation, and how we get to laugh at you?

Sarah said...

Bahaha! So funny!
I tend to say dumb things in crowds too.

Suzi said...

We all have blond moments.

Megan said...

LOL You're the comedy act for all of your friends and us, that's it, right? ;0)

Rachel said...

Hahahaha! That is great. I took a blog Vacation, came back and boy have I missed your posts!

Stephanie Faris said...

I think it's a product of being a reader from a young age, personally. I mispronounced a lot of words, like gazebo and hors d'eouvres, mostly because I'd read them that way for YEARS and just made up the pronunciation in my head. I even say mandarin incorrectly, still to this day. (Man-Darren.) But, truth be told, I was reading these words when I was 7 or 8 in "big people" books. I was reading Stephen King and Danielle Steel from the time I was 10. These words wouldn't normally have been introduced to me until much later, otherwise. (Well, except for maybe 'mandarin.' I don't have an excuse for that one!)

singedwingangel said...

Ok my hubby for years kept calling talking when we were driving about something in the meedane. I was trying so hard to figure out wth he was talking about. Finally one day his mom was with us and we were on the interstate. She pointed to a truck that had crashed in the grassy strip between the 2 side of the highway and said" OH look that truck hit the meedane"
I was dumbstruck. I said "so YOUR the reason I can't figure him out.. the word is MEDIAN.. not MEEDANE.. "

Debbi said...

Oh, Poob-ay, that's why I love you so darned much!

Shmonae said...

Absolutely Perfect! :) Nuff said! * and that was nuff, not muff*

Controlling My Chaos said...

Oh man, I do that sort of thing ALL THE TIME. It's like I lack a certain filter that everyone else seems to have.

Call Me Cate said...

I just this week learned that CHallah bread is pronounced hallah. No Ch.

I feel your pain.

Pricilla said...

My hubby pronounces queue (quay) I keep telling him that the quay is down by the dock and queue for the quay is going be about 10 minutes.

He just looks at me...

blueviolet said...

You're so cute. That is all.

Michelle said...

Douchebag is hands-down my favorite word. It's even more fun to pronounce it doo-shay. I think I'll try it...

Brian Miller said...

oh i needed that chuckle today pooba...smiles.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

And that is why I love you so.

:)

CLUFF FAMILY said...

three words "I LOVE YOU!"

Kitten said...

That was a great story. I've been known to do things like that from time to time. :)

angie said...

My 13 year old neice called my son a douche bag the other day. He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it wasn't good. :)

Life with Kaishon said...

I just hate when people say that. I mean it is SO disgusting. I love your funny story though : )

Glad your mature friends could explain it so nicely!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I do the same I'm so bad at blurting things out then want to do the mental head slap. I'm calling a do over please ;)

Chief said...

LMAO

I have a friend who uses Douche before many descriptive words for people she dislikes

Douche Canoe
Douche Bucket
Douche Loaf
Douche Muffin

do I need to continue

no say all those with the pronunciation DoShay

love it

LBDDiaries said...

I was in college & some guy kept calling me that - I was clueless too - so finally one of my roomies pulled me to the side to explain. THAT was fun. I was sort of "You put that WHERE?" but I didn't say THAT out loud! Did I mention I was a weeee bit naive in my freshman year? This brought back those... ummm... fond memories? Ho - you're not the only one!

otin said...

I remember one time when I was a kid that I thought that it was a hot water bottle!

Brandon Ashton said...

You are hilarious!!!! You made my wife cry she was laughing so hard.

KK said...

You're so funny!

KK said...

You're so funny!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

That's almost as embarrassing as when my son used that particular word, in front of his 6th grade teacher! Apparently some of the older Scouts had been calling the new recruits that and he had picked it up. He was HORRIFIED when I explained to him what it really meant. Haven't heard him use it since.

Hope you're doing well in your new digs.

heathersister said...

ROTFLM f*cking AO

Nana said...

Tew shay... dew shay ha ha ha.
I had the same experience (with another crued saying just last night)