Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pooba's My Porn Star Name



I work in downtown Salt Lake.

Before the whole demolition, er....I mean...."Downtown Rising" thing started, I would head over to the malls for my lunch break. Now, sadly, there are just huge holes where the malls once were....but that's a 'hole' different story. (Sorry, bad pun!) On many occasions I would be confronted by a homeless person (or a person pretending to be a homeless person) asking for change. I usually would just give them spare change if I had any, although one time I did give a bag of candy to a man with no teeth, I don't care what you think, I know HE appreciated it!



Oh, and another time after I gave a man a handful of pennies, he tried to give me his coat because I wasn't wearing one. Of course I declined. Not because it smelled of urine and was covered in dirt, sweat, and had 3 visible holes in it, but because I knew he needed it more than me.


I'm a very compassionate person you know.


So these little confrontations became a part of my daily routine, but one such occasion comes to mind that I will never forget, and I'll tell you it was the weirdest confrontation I've ever had.


Well, one of the weirdest.



So it was a typical warm and sunny day in downtown Salt Lake, I again was headed across the street to the mall to pick up lunch. I was by myself, I was was wearing my business skirt and top, and I was wearing my high heels. Normally I am about 5'10 & 1/2" but when wearing heals, I am a giant 6'2''!



I know....very scery!




So anyway I thought I looked pretty professional ya know? But apparently I was an easy target to a 3 foot man holding a video camera. I was in the middle of the cross walk and saw him out of the corner of my eye walking the opposite direction. We passed and I didn't think anything of it until I heard someone say,


"Hey miss, excuse me, miss?"


I turned around and nobody was there! Creepy I thought, and turned around to continue into the mall.


"Excuse me, um, down here!"


I turned around again and looked down and there he was. Standing 3 feet tall, he looked to be in his mid to late 20's, dressed casually but adorned with bling galore, and he was looking up at me with a little smirk on his face.


"Oh, um, yes?" I said to him. He sat there for a second and put his video camera in his bag and flat out asked,


"Will you be in a party video that me and my friends are filming?"


What? I just sat there and was trying to understand what he was asking me. So he stared at me with that same little smirk on his face while I stood there with my jaw sinking into the floor and my face turning a nice bright crimson color while flashes of those Girls Gone Wild commercials spun inside my head.


"You know, it's one of those "party" movies. Wanna be in it?" As I heaved my jaw from off the ground and stuffed it back into my head, I stammered,


"Um....no thank you."


Then I turned and ran like hell outta there! I didn't want to even think about what kind of video he could be making that involved a 6'2'' tall woman and a 3' tall man!

What did you think I would do, say yes?

Sorry to disappoint but what would you do?

19 comments:

i'm black betty said...

bow chicka bow wow. ;)

okay, funny story. a few months after hubby and i were married, i came home after my night class and a nice dinner was prepared. we ate and then sat on the couch. hubby thought it would be cool to rent a porno movie. at first i was like "ugh", but i sat there and decided to grin and bare it. :)

ummm...he thought it would be HYSTERICAL to make me think he was into midget porn. the movie was BRIDGET THE MIDGET. the first ten minutes i was disgusted, then we started laughing so hard that we almost peed ourselves. it was a comedy movie by the end of the night.

anywho...you could have been in one of those, purdy lady...if you had said yes!!! LOL!!!!

Glamorous Life of a House Wife said...

Ga-ROSS!!! That is disgusting!

Utah is BEAUTIFUL! Those mountains!!

Jennifer Lee said...

Kelly, that is sooo funny! Of course you said no. I'm just glad you are not naive or gullible! Do you still work downtown? Whereabouts?

Karin Katherine said...

Oh my. I cannot even comment. I just think I'm scared to come to Utah now. I confess I pictured it very wholesome, full of nature folks, and lots of fab scrapbook stores. Now I think of midgets asking to make "party" movies. Thanks for that visual! ROFL

angie said...

Gross! But I wonder how much he would have paid!

Megan said...

LOL Oh man! That's kinda funny / kinda creepy. You said he had a video camera and you were wearing a skirt. Know what my mind was thinking? Yeah, that would've creeped me the hell out! *shiver*

Rebecca Jo said...

OMG!!!! That is hilarious! I just hope he didnt have that video camera shooting up your skirt while you were standing there!!

What an odd little man!!!

That's something I bet you wont ever forget!

Silkman's said...

That is so funny!!! I love your posts they are hilarious. I can't wait to go to dancing with the stars and BTW I won't mind if you dance in the aisle.

Yaya said...

Hahahahahaha! OMG! Too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

TMI said...

I'm still recovering from the candy and penny stories....!

OK I'm gaining composure. I feel a bit as though we're soul sisters of some sort because I too am 5'10" and can often be found in a high hell, making me a bit of a sasquatch. But hey, even tall girls feel sexy in heels. Am I right?

Also I used to work downtown and have been approached (not by any 3-foot-tall men, but...) by people to be in party videos or to be paid to come to a party.

Hello, is there any other answer besides "Um.... no!" Well, I guess you could say, "HELL no!"

Good decision girl. And thanks for the laughs.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Um... I guess you could be flattered that he asked... right?

Blog Buddy said...

I'm laughing out-loud!! That story is pretty much how I picture Salt Lake...a mixture of all kinds of folks. We even get a few special film-makers down here in Southern Utah! Thankfully, none on my street.

Pamela said...

Oh my gosh that was hilarious! I don't think I would servive in the big city! LOL!

Tulsi said...

Thanks for stopping by!! That would seriously be creepy. I think I could make my stilleto's high tail it out of there, too!!

Jess said...

Okay... Salt lake must be one crazy place!!
He probably did pick you for height though - no other reason. At least you can breathe easy about that!
This is all very funny! xx

Orr's said...

HA HA oh my gosh that is hilarious! You should have asked if there was going to be a donkey involved and if he said no say,"Sorry I only to donkeys not midgets." What a wonderful world we live in.

Janalyn and Rob said...

That is hilarious! Stuff like that is what makes it fun/interesting to work in the city, right? :)

Annie Harper said...

What, you DIDN'T do it?

I know a good opportunity when I see one. And THAT was one of them. Now how are you going to get your big beak into "the industry"?

At least he got some good undies shots (let's be honest)

Oh how I love you...

Wendy said...

gross!