Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hungry is to Food as This Post is to Intelligence

Ok, remember when I told you about my flower beds and how the hubster totally ruined them by planting the tall flowers in the front and the short flowers in the back?

Well, you all told me not to worry, that once all the flowers started filling in that nobody would even notice my awkward flower beds.

Well thanks guys but you were wrong.

My flower beds still suck. Not only are the tall flowers awkwardly towering over the short flowers in the back, but they are growing sideways!



Sideways!


Seriously, I had a fabulous plan for these flowers to be planted in the back, all bunched together to avoid the lonely one plant awkwardness as shown below.




When turning into my driveway every day and seeing these hideous inept creatures I can't help but think how fitting it is for Al & I to have these flower beds in our yard.



Just like these flowers look out of place among the other flowers, Al & I are totally out of place in our neighborhood. Most of our neighbors just avoid us, they try not to look at us as we are driving through the neighborhood. Of course there are a few nice ones like our neighbors to the left of us, but for the most part nobody talks to us.


Our very next door neighbor especially goes out of his way to avoid us. When we were in-active members of the prominent religion in the neighborhood this neighbor was assigned to visit us every month. Instead of actually coming inside, he would just leave brownies on our doorstep (which were always disgusting), but that was fine by us. I think the day that he found out he no longer had to visit us was a huge relief for him, now he has no obligation to like us.


Then there's the dog hater neighbor who calls the cops on every single dog in the neighborhood. When we first moved in we thought it was just our dog that he was targeting but no, we found out that he is well known as the dog-hater dude.


He's retired and stays at home all day with nothing else to do but leave notes on our door and spy on our dogs. When Bain was alive he would call me and tell me exactly what dog was misbehaving and what their individual bark sounded like. I swear he would sit in his yard with binoculars and watch our dogs all day long.


Get a hobby dude.


Oh, and yelling at your wife is not a hobby. I swear they've got to be the two most miserable people. I have to fight the urge to take Dozer over to poop on his lawn.


And I'm not even going to get into the neighbor that came to visit us one day to tell us we were basically throwing our lives away and going to Hell. After Al had his say to this guy, he has never come back.


Thank God.


Living in our neighborhood reminds me of those stupid analogy questions on the SATs.


TALL AWKWARD EVIL FLOWERS are to THE FLOWER BED as POOBA & ALBERT are to THE NEIGHBORHOOD


But we've lived here seven years now and are pretty happy people so it must work for us.


Maybe those tall flowers aren't too bad after all.

34 comments:

Suzi said...

Aren't neighbors just a bundle of laughs? We have some neighbors that have called the county on us several times. Gotta love em.

Kristina P. said...

I think you need some flamingos and one of those huge plastic Santa Snowglobes too.

blueviolet said...

I love your label of I'm a sinner.

I think your flowers actually look really pretty! I have stupid sandy soil. Yours looks rich and sinful like you.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

We've had some neighbor changes recently. So far only one I don't really like. He's not too friendly and I'm still pissed at him for calling me "child" when I was talking to him lol.

survivinglifedaily said...

Well at least those flowers gave you a nice analogy of how you fit in the neighborhood! LOL!

Eliza welch said...

Wow. Some neighbors!

I'm loving your blog!

I just started one and I've love to have you stop by.
Eliza’s blog

Pricilla said...

Unless you are living in "Leave it to Beaver" land (and boy did I date myself, neighbors can be a pain in the tail.

Can you imagine what mine think since we moved into a riverfront area and then proceeded to get goats?

heh heh

oh, and chickens.

heh heh again.

Cairo Typ0 said...

I do actually remember that post. LOL We have cool neighbours now but that's the exception rather than teh rule for us. Just think of all the people who will come to the party if you announce you're moving out? :p *ducks and runs for cover*

Justine said...

First, of all, I don't believe I told you the flowers would be fine like that. I probably said something like, "Al is an asshole."

As for the neighbors, why do they shun you so? My poor poo!
Justine :o )

Rebecca Jo said...

I started reading - remember the HORROR of your husband planting the flowers - & thought, Oh, I bet dear Pooba is happy... when I saw "You all were wrong" - I nearly spit out my Diet Coke!!!! too funny!!!

And such a shame Friends isnt still on - where they had fat, naked man as a neighbor - you could send in an idea for weird, dog stalker neighbor to them to write in the story line!

St. Jeor Family said...

Neighbors are the BEST!!! We are the black sheep in our neighborhood too and hardly anyone talks to us now since one of my neighbors gave the bishopric my cell phone # and I had to let her have it and their kids can't play with mine cause we are a "bad" influence on them. Utah neighborhoods are the BEST!!!

WhisperingWriter said...

You have some scary neighbors.

Mine are okay. But one is obsessed with Twilight and that irritates me to no end. I don't need to hear all about Edward, thanks. I'm an adult..

Hernandez Family said...

Thats what I hate about Utah mormons! Why can't they practice what they preach! Love thy neighbor as thy self!! You should move into my neighborhood. In fact the people behind me suck (up to 4:00 in the morning with their loud lame music) so, you should move into their house. :)

Stesha said...

Sideways flowers are very popular in Spain. I think. That's a total lie. I made that up.

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

confused homemaker said...

I like sideways flowers. But I am sad to learn yelling is not a hobby, I almost have that perfected.

foxy said...

i think your flowers look really great! now, i'm not saying they're not awkwardly towering over the shorties, but that doesn't mean they don't look great. because they do.

and i really can't stand crotchety old neighbors... sorry you have to deal with that. i had a HORRIBLE neighbor in my last abode and i know how sucky it can be. carry on with your happiness, though, because that sticks it to 'em like nothing else!! :)

Tremayne and Dellany Higby said...

Oh poob, we have so much in common. We are the exact same way. We have two neighbors, yes TWO, that will talk to us. The rest of them were kinda nice to us when they thought we were interested in going to church, but when we told them we were totally over it, all our so called friends vanished LOL. We were heart broken (haha yeah right) We got some great advice on how to get the home teachers to stay away, you can use it if you'd like, next time they come over place a playboy on your coffee table HAHA. (we never would but still, freaking brilliant) If only we lived in the same 'hood we could take our dogs on walks and let them poop in all the peeps yards we don't like!

Chief said...

Being a part of the prominent religion you speak of in the state you are speaking of...I think you need to move in to the house next door. Your yard would look awesome next to mine and I make way better brownies.

dani said...

Come and live by me. I don't make anybody brownies. I promise!

Yaya said...

Aw look at your "special" garden. ;)

Annie Harper said...

You would hate me if I lived in your neighborhood. I'm the LEAST neighborly person ALIVE. I literally avoid people who are out and immediately pull into my garage and shut the door. I don't do Christmas neighbor gifts, and I don't like having home teachers come over....

Yeah.

I'm cheerful.

Megan said...

LOL Poor awkward flowers!

And aren't annoying neighbors just peachy? I've got some of my own, too. ;0P

Stephanie Faris said...

Someone gave me a long, detailed explanation of why flowers do that...something about the root ball blah blah blah blah blah. I don't have a green thumb! I did work somewhere once where a plant started growing in the direction of one of the women. They ended up naming the plant "Amy" after her because they said it was growing toward her because it liked her!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

UGH! Your neighbors suck! Let's come up with a plan to get rid of them...lol!

LadyStyx said...

It's a real shame that neighborhoods have gotten that way.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Awwwww...the flowers still look good!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Your flowers have personality. Personality is a good thing.

Your neighbors sound like they need new personalities - maybe they need to grow some sideways flowers to get with the program. You could start a revolution of sideways flowers. I think next spring I'll plant some in your honor.

:)

Synergy Girl said...

Awww man...I wanna come move into your neighborhood so that you can feel normal again...I will go and drop bags of fire-y poop on the dog hater...nevermind, I will just make a point to walk slowly by his house with our giant mastiff, and maybe even let him do his "goods"...oh, and I got ya covered in landscape department to. We spent money to put rock in..you know for the "look". For the last three years...that is all the look has been...curbing and rock....not a plant in sight...and as for the molly mormons...don't worry...you aren't going to hell, so sit back, relax, and laugh at all the little hauty things the uptight neighbors do...

Heath'e' said...

Just think Kel, soon your awkward flowers will be covered with snow! :) And then they will die and you can start over. Just like someday your neighbors will move or die and you can start over with them. was that too morbid? OR better story you can move to my neighborhood and hang with me! :) I miss you kid! (btw did you know Christmas is coming? that means I get to see you!!)

Rebecca said...

Ahhh neighbors - we had a widow who lived next door to us and rather than use the spare bedroom that faced the whole street (which was a cul-de-sac) as a bedroom, she had it set up as a TV room, with her chair looking straight out the window instead of at the TV - ha!

I think tall, awkward flowers are lovely :)!

Debbi said...

Um, Poobs,
remember where I live now? I live in Canada's Utah. BlAHHGHAHGAH. Kill me.

I am that neighbour, JUST like you and Al. But I'm ALSO wife #3. (well, *THAT* could be taken WAYYYYY wrong! LOL) You should SEE how many dirty looks and 'walk on the other side of the sidewalks' I'm sure I have gotten. Seriously. Plague.

meh. Sorry the flower beds suck. Someday you'll miss Al's gardening. maybe.

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Poor Pooba, I'm sorry you have ucky neighbors. I hear you. Our neighbors are cordial, but not especially friendly and I can't help but think it has something to do with us being in the "minority" religion, although I really go out of my way to be friendly and respectful of their beliefs.

I guess I can take it when it's all adults, but my kids get the cold shoulder too. For the last two summers, not ONE kid has knocked on our door to play with my son. And I think that stinks.

Sara said...

Your flowers do look a little lonely. I would never have noticed until you pointed it out. Flowers are not my passion. I would be like Al, planting them willy-nilly. Your neighbors sound fun!!!

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Oh ugh. That's one of the many reasons I will never ever ever live in a subdivision. I had enough of whacko neighbors when I lived in apartments.