Team Eerie Nipple Guy? Palease.

I did it.


I saw New Moon. As I'm sure everyone else in the world did, and I'm going to blog about it. As I'm sure everyone else in the world is too.


I'm a follower, not a leader and I'm okay with that.


Now excuse me while I get my "Kate Gosselin" on and conduct my own interview by answering my own questions.


1. Did I like it? Yes.

2. Did I like it better than Twilight? Yes.

3. Do I think Edward has weird nipples? Yes.

4. Do I think Jacob has weird nipples? Hell No.

5. Did I like Jacob's wig? No.

6. Do I think that Jacob is beautiful and should be added to my "To Do" list? Yes.

7. Do I think that Jacob has a secret crush on me and is totally going to blow off Bella to come take me away to a secret house on the beach to spend many romantic nights staring into the sunset while professing his undying love for me? Hell Yes.

8. Do I think the hubster is okay with that? Of course.


Ok, raise your hand if you DID NOT switch to team Jacob after seeing that movie? You better not have your hand up.


Put your hand down DeAnna!


Edward is creepy, did you see his nipples? One is totally bigger than the other, how can you be pro eerie nipples?



If you had a choice between that and this:



Would you really choose eerie nipple guy? Didn't think so.


Still not convinced?! Okay lets compare.




















And...



















Okay, now that we are all on the same team, let's continue.


Bella was not so annoying in New Moon as she was in Twilight. There was far less tourettish blinking and twitching, however I'm pretty sick of seeing her lazy eye. I bet out of the 2 hour film, 1 1/2 hours were spent pausing 2 inches away from her face. I wanted to tape her eyelid to her eyebrow so it would open all the way.


I can't stand it when things aren't even. (Hence my nipple issue.)


After Edward left I don't think the movie portrayed her depression accurately. She just looked tired, that's all. And filming her in a chair staring out the window while the camera rotates around her to indicate the changing of seasons does not sit well with me.


And actually counting down the months on screen, October, November, December...come on people, you could come up with something better than that to show the passage of time.


Just sayin.


Bella's dad? LOVE HIM. I think they got his character right on.


Buggin:
Vampire eyes, can we please choose a little more subtle contact lens next time? That combined with the awful vampire makeup was over the top.


Don't you know the humans are not supposed to realize that the Cullins are vampires? Either the humans in this movie were just blind or they're all dumb asses not to realize they are surrounded by undead blood sucking vampires.


F'real.


And I'm not sure why Dakota Fanning was even in this movie.


That is all.


















Word.

Dear Rob, Jesus Hates You

Rob, I thought you were better then this. Seriously, was this a joke?


Because I didn't find it very funny. The only reason I rented this movie was because YOU were in it. I thought, Hey look, he's even pale in this movie too so it'll be just like watching Edward so it's gotta be good right?


Oh Rob, can't you see that this movie was just amateur-ish (word) and so bad that it was funny? I had to stifle my laugh to avoid hurting your precious feelings. I'm for real. I was covering my mouth and my face was so red that Dozer thought I was dying. You almost gave my dog a heart attack.


WTF?


Whoever made this movie should be spanked. No, they should be shot.


Shot and killed.


Seriously, what were you thinking? I know this was made almost 5 years ago so it technically was pre-twilight, but for us here in the United States, where we actually prefer our actors to ACT in their movies, it was just released this year so we expected magic. But no, now I'm scarred Rob,


SCARRED.


Now how do you expect me to watch New Moon this Friday and still take you seriously? I don't know if I can do it. Luckily for you your character is absent for the majority of the film, or at least should be according to the book.


I'm sorry but I think this means it's over between us.


I am SO team Jacob now and Edward can thank YOU for that.





Even Jesus is mad at you.


Repent Rob, REPENT!

Blood Suckin Sweetness

I figured there aren't enough Twilight posts out there so I thought I'd help everyone out and add my own.


I saw Twilight on Friday with the two hottest chicks around, Andrea & Talicia, and I was way too excited for the mature, grown woman that I am. But I wasn't the only one so I didn't care!



LOVED IT.

What a relief!

Edward was not this pale, skinny, zombie looking creature. After seeing this magazine cover, I was worried that Edward was going to suck (Ha! I really did just write suck without even thinking) I mean look at that picture! They couldn't have taken a worse photo, what were they thinking?! He looks possessed!


But in the movie, he looked like a totally different person, a sexy steamy bad ass blood suckin hunk of a man! For example, the hottest kissing scene ever:


That's right, this is a pic you're gonna wanna click on to get a closer look. Soak it up ladies, soak it up!



Now, here are the parts that these vampire movie makers did not give the Twilight book justice. If you haven't seen it, maybe you should stop reading here so that you aren't biased when you do.

1. Edward's shirt sleeve was rolled up higher on his left arm then on his right. Is there anything more annoying than that?

2. Rosalie was blah. In the book she is supposed to be the most beautiful vampire, in the movie...not so much!

3. Jasper looks constipated the whole time.

4. When Edward puts Bella on his back and takes off running, he sticks his arm out above his head and looks like fricken Peter Pan. Come on!

5. After the baseball scene the Cullens just look silly when they hiss at the vampires in James' Coven. Just silly.



But overall I thought it was good, so good that I am now reading the first Twilight book.

Again.

But who hasn't read it more than once?