Showing posts with label Party. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Party. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

STDs Are Contagious. Practice Safe Facebook!

***Click HERE to enter the $50 Target Gift Card Giveaway!***



So the other night, Mike and I accompanied Lin and Lance to some cowboy bar to celebrate some chick's birthday. I have no idea who's birthday it was and I'm pretty sure Lindee didn't either, I think she just wanted free cake.





Mmmmm....Cake.


What? Oh yeah, the cowboy bar. So when we were taking a break from the bull riding, Lindee started passing her phone around to show everyone some pictures that she had taken and eventually the phone was passed to Mike and I.





Little did Lindee know the danger in letting her phone leave her possession, especially with Mike around!


Mike, Mr. Practical Joker, took it upon himself to update Lin's facebook status:


"Ass warts again?! Really!!!???"


Oh yeah, that just happened. She immediately started getting comments on her status, it was hilarious. She didn't notice it until a couple hours later when she noticed she was getting a lot of facebook notifications.


Bahahaha! I'm still laughing...


And of course since it was on her phone, she wasn't able to delete the status update.


Bahahaha! I'm still laughing...


Fast forward a week to when my family all got together to celebrate Lindee's birthday. Mike and I put together a special present for our dear ass wart ridden Lindee.


First was 40 bucks for ass wart use only, as you can see by the picture, the money is specifically designated to be used for her ass wart problem:





And, because Mike and I care about her well being, we got her some ass wart ointment to get her started on her recovery.





Yeah, it was pretty much her favorite birthday present ever.


(But wait, that's not the end of the facebook drama....stay tuned)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I'm Totally Plagiarizing This Shit

Today, because I'm lazy and don't want to tell this hilarious story myself, my crazy lil sis is going to do it for me! You can read it on her blog HERE but since I know most of you are as lazy as me and can't fathom clicking the mouse button ONE. MORE. TIME. I went ahead and pasted it below.


You're welcome.



"Night Out On The Town"
By My lil slut sis






My sister took me to her work Christmas party because, well, everyone at her works loves/hates me. You see, during the summer I went with Pooba to Elko where one of the actual Gold mines for my sisters company is. While there, her work threw a party for everyone with unlimited drinks and food. This made for a very fun night, they also had a live band and we dance the night away. When it came time to go home, my sisters boss (who'd I'd gotten to know on the trip), was a bit to tipsy and passed out cold on the bus. When opportunity arises, I must take advantage. I borrowed some lip liner from a girl and hopped on over to his seat and drew a giant penis on his face.






Yes, it was a good decision and very mature of me despite what you think.






Not only is he my sisters boss, come to find out, he is over all the accountants at this giant company. I didn't realize who I was messing with I guess.






The next morning he sent out an email about business, accounts recievable, due dates blah blah blah, and at the end he included:



"It appears someone last night took advantage of my inebriated state last night, I will find you."






and then






"Just kidding, I know it was Lindee."






Tee hee.






Ok, so back to the christmas party, here is me and Pooba getting all dolled up:





I was a little nervous to go but Curtis had saved us a seat and was very nice to me!


I kept hearing this weird sound throughout the night and kept asking Pooba what it was. There was an older lady behind us who we determined had a squeeky chair, or was letting them loose all night.





Near the end of the evening, when the CEO is giving his speech. Me and Pooba hear it again, but much louder, a very distinguishing fart sound. Our whole table busts up laughing as silently as they could, I look at Curtis and he is bright red so I think it's him. Then it happens again and it finally clicks.



Everyone is looking at me.



I didn't even hestitate, I reached under my chair and felt the hard plastic of a fart machine. I ripped it off and chucked it at Curtis. He had gotten his revenge after 5 months of waiting.



Needless to say the night was memorable and totally fun, me and Curtis are buddy's now but I'm still trying to come up with ways to pay him back... any ideas???

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Drunken Happy Thanksgiving Christmas

So I have no pics from Christmas. And maybe like 2 from New Years but hey, I've got plenty of pics from Thanksgiving! So lets all play make-believe and pretend these pics are from Christmas. What a great idea!


My second Thanksgiving Christmas was with my crazy fam. It's always a good time.


See all the happy faces?











Yeah, my siblings get pretty excited over the Holidays. I mean look at baby sis and her boyfriend:






Don't let that picture fool you, this is what they looked like just 2 seconds before I forced them to pretend that they liked each other:





Yeah, someone needed a drink!





Yeah right. Turns out my baby sis thinks that everyone who drinks is an idiot. So this champagne, of which millions of people drink for the holidays all over the world, is some sort of magic idiot potion.


I don't know how our world has survived with so many idiots running the country. Just think about all the corporate executives, presidents, religious leaders, and toddlers who run around drunk all the time!


What has this world come to?


Case in point, check out these idiots:






It's okay, even though my baby sis thinks I'm an idiot, I still love her.


I think.





However I'm not so sure 'bout Lindee...








She was obviously drunk in that picture...


So other than all the drunken idiots at our little Thanksgiving Christmas party, it was pretty fun. Everyone was there, even my long lost niece and nephew!





Aren't they cute? (Pay no attention to the huge Ram head hanging on the wall in the background. After Gary moved in all these dead animals started showing up all over the walls and the floor!


Interesting...





Well, dead and alive animals...some bigger than others...





Oh, and the newly weds were there of course. I finally have their wedding pics ready so I will be posting those soon! It's only like 4 months late. Whatever.





Isn't this the cutest pic ever??





Here's a pic of all the girls! My sis-in-law, me, baby sis & lil sis.





Now trying to get a nice pic of me and my dad was a little difficult with drunken Lindee jumping in the picture all the time! (Because we're all drunken idiots remember?)








Speaking of drinking...





And check out Brolan, he's runnin off with the wine bottles! Like father like son right? God I sure hope not.








(I'm not bitter at all about my family's view that alcohol is evil and everyone who consumes just a tiny drop is a drunken idiot. Not bitter at all.)


It was a great Thanksgiving Christmas!

Monday, January 3, 2011

I'm Not Even Gonna Put Thanksgiving In The Title Of This Post Because It Is Way Too Late To Be Posting About Thanksgiving.

Yeah, I'm writing about Thanksgiving so what? It was only last year.


Whatever.


I got to have two Thanksgivings this year so now I'm twice as fat and will have to double the amount of excersize I do. Which is zero so I guess that doesn't really change. Thank God zero plus zero is zero.


No wonder I love math!


So Thanksgiving number one was at a friends house in Park City. Well, it was actually at a hotel and we didn't actually start eating dinner until midnight so technically it wasn't Thanksgiving Day. But it was hella fun!


This is Jake and his girlfriend who put on the whole Thanksgiving Shindig. Yes, they are wearing some sort of furry pajamas over their swimsuits. Had I known it was going to be a pajama party I would have worn my onsie!





Waiting for Thanksgiving dinner we had plenty of entertainment! Everyone had gone swimming earlier which is why they are all wet and ugly. Ok, just wet, not ugly.


At least most of them...






Don't ask....











We actually ate the dinner in one of the conference rooms in the hotel. We felt like we were in Alice in Wonderland with the Mad Hatter's chair at the head of the table.


Bad ass right?











We even went around the table and each of us told what we were thankful for. Yep, like a real thanksgiving, we don't eff around folks.


What was I thankful for?




WINE!





(Oh, and friends and family too. Pretty sure I included those. )





And finally, proof that dinner was a success:





zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

I went to my friends house in Park City for a little Halloween get together. We hung out at his house for a bit and then a bunch of us headed to main street to partake in the Halloween festivities.


Here's a picture of us before we left, if you can't tell, he is a midget on stilts and I am little red riding hood. Sorry the picture is so fuzzy my cell phone sucks and I forgot my camera.




So M (the dude in the pic) was hilarious. Wherever we went, he had everyone laughing with that midget costume. He even won $100 for the best fricken costume ever.


Yeah, he's kind of a big deal (His shirt even says so).


Oh, and here I am with my severed wolf head. I carried him around in my little basket as a warning to others.





If ya couldn't tell, I'm a pretty bad ass little red riding hood.


Don't eff with me.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Little Red Riding Slut

So my last minute costume for Halloween is going to be Little Red Riding Hood. This is the first time in 10 years that I've dressed up for Halloween and I'm way excited. When I saw this costume I knew I just had to have it. It is perfect don't ya think?





I mean, it is exactly what Little Red Riding Hood looked like in the story books. Isn't that awesome!!!


Yeah, I'm going to a Halloween party tomorrow night in Park City, well it's a "house crawl" party which is like a bar crawl except you go from house to house instead of bar to bar. So it's a good thing my costume has a hood to keep my head warm when walking outside!


Yeah if you can't tell, I'm pretty stoked.


Okay, seriously guys, you really think I would wear that? Yeah, you're right, I totally would. Shopping for a girl's Halloween costume is a joke! Everything is slutty this and slutty that. Trying to find a costume that didn't show my ass was quite the challenge. The most non-slutty costume I found was the Little Red Riding Hood costume. Not the one above, mine looks like this:





Except I have a severed wolf head to put in my basket! And of course I have my red Mary Jane's, a wig and false eyelashes. I'm thinking about splattering the costume with blood, you know because I just chopped the wolf's head off. I want to be a scary Little Red Riding Hood, I don't know, what do you think?


What are YOU going to be for Halloween?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Drawing a Penis On Your Bosses Face Can Only Lead to One Thing...

Can I just tell you that when you hang out with this chick, you never know what's going to happen?





I had to go out of town for a couple days for work and decided to drag my lil sis along to keep me company. She's always good for that at least.



So we arrive to some small remote town in Nevada on Thursday night. Now because I have to wake up early the next morning to go to work, we decided the only logical thing to do would be stay out until 3 in the morning. That's what any responsible employee would do right?


So we met up with Lindee's friend and explored this little town and found ourselves at a karaoke bar. Apparently Thursday nights are the BIG nights for Karaoke, the place was hoppin. Well, hoppin for Elko.





So we are enjoying ourselves, having a good time. Lindee's friend owed us some drinks for a bet he lost earlier so we took advantage of that deal right away.


More often then not when Lindee and I go out together we always get at least one person asking if we are twins. That night was no exception however it went a bit further, apparently we became known as the tall blonde mormon twins. People kept coming up to us saying they wanted to meet the tall mormon twins. Which of course was funny being that we were at a Karaoke BAR.





But whatev.


After a horrible attempt at karaoke, we decided to save ourselves any more embarrassment and go try out another club (you know the only other club in Eko? LOL). Funny thing, there were people there from the karaoke bar.


Did I mention it was a really small town? Haha!


But we had fun because there was a dance floor here and whenever Lin and I can get our feet on the dance floor we tend to lose track of time. Plus nobody ever told us to go home so we just stayed and burned off the grilled cheese we had earlier.





But we did finally make it back to the hotel and I got to sleep for about an hour and a half before I had to go to work.


It was awesome. Let me tell you I was lookin really good that morning.







Fast forward to Friday night, we went to a party that my work was throwing. My company throws the best parties (maybe the fact that they have an open bar every time has something to do with it). They're always a good time.


Little did I know Lindee would have a little TOO much fun at this one.


This was our dinner. It's basque food which includes cow tongue.





Cow tongue! I had warned Lindee about the tongue earlier but apparently she didn't care because she piled it right on top her plate next to the meatballs (I don't even want to know what kind of meatballs those were.)





And yes, she did eat it. Some of it anyway. And I dry heaved. And dry heaved again. Then puked all over the table.


Ok, no I didn't puke but I almost did! Later on in the evening after everyone was done with dinner and the band was playing, and the old people were dancing, my sister was dragged to the dance floor by my boss's boss.


This can't be good I thought.


Lindee had already told everyone a lot of embarrassing stories about me and there were plenty more to choose from! She already told my whole office about the magnet incident, the midget incident, both of which received quite the reaction from my coworkers.


I was loving it. Yeah, it was awesome. Thanks lil sis.


So later I find out that my boss was asking what we did the night before because I came into work looking like shit.


When Lindee told me that I had to laugh because it was so true, I barely had my eyes open that day at work! You know you've got an amazing boss if he can tell you when you look like shit.


The rest of the party was so fun and we were sad to see it end but the company loaded us all onto the bus to take us back to our hotel. This is us on the bus:





This was right before Lindee decided to take advantage of my inebriated boss. Not like THAT you sickos. The boss was passed out on the bus, his wife sitting next to him, when Lindee decides it would be a brilliant idea to go write on his face with mascara.


Yes, this is my boss's boss by the way.


So she draws a smiley face on his cheek while I'm yelling at her to sit down before I get fired! His wife thought it was hilarious, as did everyone else on the bus.


Apparently Lindee sucks at drawing on faces with mascara and the smiley face turned out to look more like a penis.


Yes, my little sister drew a penis on my bosses face. A penis people! Luckily his wife thought it was the funniest thing ever!


The next morning me and a few others in the office get an angry email from my boss asking who drew on his face. I'm like, oh shit, I'm dead. Good bye job. If I would have scrolled down a bit further in the email I would have read the part where he said he knew it was Lindee and he thought it was hilarious too.


But I didn't. So this whole time I'm thinking he is pissed and I'm gonna get it when I show up to work on Monday. What a relief to walk into his office and have him start laughing!


Phew!


Luckily I didn't have to murder my sister after all.





The moral of the story?

Come on, there is NOTHING moral about that story!