Two Halves Do Not Make A Whole

I was able to leave work yesterday for just a little bit to go see De at the hospital. When I got there JayDee was already in surgery to remove his appendix.





The doctors said that his appendix was in two pieces!


For those of you who are not familiar with the appendix, it is supposed to be in one piece, not two.



And for those of you who have trouble with fractions (which statistically is 5/4ths of the population) that means that his appendix split in half!


That's bad.


Really bad.


They estimated that it had probably ruptured 2-3 weeks ago! Can you believe that?


Crazy.


He is doing okay now after surgery, unfortunately they have to postpone his brain surgery yet again. The poor guy was so exhausted he fell asleep while playing with his Lego's:





Thank you to everyone who went to give some bloggy love to her and her family! To send more love or for more details on how he's doin, you can go here.

Enough is Enough! ! !

My best friend just sent me a text that she is speechless.


I too am speechless right now.


If you remember, her little boy is supposed to go back for surgery tommorrow. Well there have been more complications. Just this week he got sick again and went to the hospital last Saturday with tonsilitis and a sinus infection and a fever that kept spiking and they could not keep it down.





De was just beside herself to see her boy in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. To make matters worse they did another spinal tap and it turns out he has menengitis again.


Again!


Yesterday JayDee had been having pain in his stomach for almost 24 hours and was in agony all day. He didn't eat anything all day and was throwing up and had blood in his stool so they were life flighted again to Primary Children's Hospital last night.


At that point you think that nothing could get worse for this sweet boy! This sweet boy who doesn't understand why all this is happening to him again and why his mom can't make it all better. Or why the nurses have to hurt him with shots and medicine every day.


Well things could get worse and did get worse.


Right now he is going into surgery because his appendix burst! They are going in right now to remove his appendix so the original surgery that was scheduled for tomorrow will probably be postponed. You know, the BRAIN SURGERY he was supposed to have?!


I just am beside myself and don't know what I can do for her. I can't imagine how scared and helpless she must feel right now. She really needs some words of encouragement so I thought maybe if you guys could go give her some bloggy love, that could at least lift her spirits.


Even if just a little.


You can go leave her some encouraging comments on her blog here.





Thanks everyone!!

My Bestest is Stronger than the Restest

My best friend recently made a trip up to my part of town, which of course is nice for me, however the circumstances in which she came were not so great.


Her 7 year old son has had some health problems and has had surgery in the past.


Brain surgery to be exact. He was 3.


I know, a 3 year old having brain surgery? Heart breaking.


Here's a little history.....in 2007 JD had a lot of ear issues so he had been going to the doctor which is how the doctors found something they thought was a brain tumor. After further investigation, they found out that it wasn't a tumor at all, it was actually JDs brain growing out of his skull. His skull hadn't closed all the way during development and his brain grew right through the hole in his skull into his ear which damaged some bone and nerves around his ear and caused other complications.


He had surgery to remove the brain tissue that was growing out of his skull and to repair the hole in his skull. His surgery was successful although the doctor had to remove his eardrum so he will never be able to hear out of that ear. There were complications with his spinal fluid leaking so the doctors had to put in a shunt to drain all the spinal fluid from his head to his stomach.











That was when he was three, he is now 7 and has been doing great! Until about a week ago when he started complaining that his neck was hurting. De tells the story in much more detail here. Basically he had some spinal fluid leaking which they think caused him to get bacterial menangitis!





Which can be deadly.


So he was life flighted up here in Salt Lake to Primary Children's Hospital. He was a bit of a mystery for the doctors for quite some time, they had several specialists trying to figure out exactly what was wrong and what had caused the problem. They determined that he will need to have surgery, the same surgery he had when he was 3.


JD is home now after the menigitas got better but he will be coming back up for surgery next month. I don't know how De does it! She seriously is a stronger person than I, you should really read about JD's experiences on her blog here.






Here is De and I at Primary Children's a couple weeks ago when JD was in the hospital. She has two other children, Jordan & Taylor, who as you can see, are adorable!!!









The following pictures are just hanging out at the hospital while JD was sleeping in his room.







I'm not sure who the dude is in the blue & red spandex, but it is NOT De's husband.





I repeat, NOT De's husband.








Who are these beautiful girls? These are De's sister's kids, Tamarah. I don't know why I didn't get a picture of Tamarah!











Next month, when they come up again for JDs surgery, I will be able to give you an update. This cute family is so strong!

I Can't Handle So Much Frickin Awesomeness, It Must Stop. (But Not Really Ok?)

Thank you to everyone for your concern and your frickin awesomeness! I'm serious, I should have posted about this a long time ago. It really helps just to know somebody out there cares, just a little.


Seriously. You are all fricken awesome. If I could, I would buy you all this frickin awesome shirt:





Now I didn't post about my divorce for a long time because, well, I don't really know exactly who is reading this blog. That boy I kissed in kindergarten may be reading, or that girl who I cut her hair, dunked her head in the toilet and then taped her to the flag pole with her underwear over her head could be reading. (Not a true story, I didn't cut her hair, that's just MEAN.)


When I first started blogging, I thought it was crazy how honest people were and how much information they revealed about themselves! Hell, I'm a blog stalker, I know you can find anybody who has a public blog.


(Yep, I'm stalking YOU!)


But seriously, with a public blog you never know who's reading. But now,I've known that and have accepted that fact and I no longer care. Blogging is fun and I've met so many amazing people (you) and have reconnected with so many amazing people (you) so I am comfortable with anybody reading. The more people that know how stupid and clutzy I am, the better.


The world has been warned.


Of course there are a lot of things that I don't post about, things that affect other people who I know do not want the world knowing about, and DEFINITELY nothing about my job, so this isn't a tell-all blog.


Which brings me to a question for you.


Is your blog a tell-all? How do you feel about the fact that ANYBODY could be reading your private thoughts? Have you ever been dooced?


(Yep, I did just blog about blogging, it was time)

Gaurdian Angel Effusion

Oh my God.


I got home the other night to a cute little package sitting on my doorstep. If you're like me, getting a package in the mail is the most exciting thing ever. Well, not quite as exciting as reconciling my bank account but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who likes to do that.


Little did I know that this package would make me burst into tears. One of my absolute favorite bloggy sisters, Stacy (You know, The Random Chick) was so thoughtful and sent me this:





Here is a closer look,





It is a bottle of her famous Liquor del Cafe with a custom made label with my two angels displayed on front. I had no idea she was doing this, she did this all on her own! She designed the label and everything. I am going to keep that bottle forever. (Empty of course, nobody can resist her homemade Kaluha!)


Stacy, like many of you, knows what it feels like to lose a furry child. She lost her best friend, Elvis about 3 years ago. He was with her for 13 years and saw her through many rough times.


Stacy, you have no idea how much that meant to me! I really can't thank you enough. I also want to thank all of you for your kind words and emails about Dozer, it helps just to know that there are others who understand.


Justine, who just lost her darling Stinky, Julia who lost her Schmobie not long ago, Blue Violet who is the most kindhearted person I know, Karin Katherine who truly lives up to her name, KK who I know is always there to talk to, Dellany who is the biggest pet lover I know, Queenie Jeannie and The Bella who always make me smile, my two sister-in-laws who sent me flowers, and the countless others who have shared their stories with me.


Thank you De for the card and the converstions, you are the bestest friend ever!


Thank you Andrea for all the much needed girl's nights and for letting me spill it all in your "counseling chair".


And a big thank you to my lil sis and little Logan who have become my life line.


After Dozer died, we had a paw print made to remember him by. We did the same thing a couple years ago after Bain died. Well, I got the paw print just yesterday, look at this cute paw!





It's funny how you can tell who's paw is who's. Dozer was tall and skinny:







And Bain was just huge all around:






I'm so glad Alex had these made for us to remember our big boys by.


Okay, okay, you're probably sick of hearing about my fricken cute dogs, this is that last time you'll have to read about them.


But I'm not making any promises.

We're All Mad Here. Seriously.

Well.


Friday night was...interesting.


The plan was that after work, I would pick up Andrea and we'd go eat sushi at Blue Fish for dinner and then see Alice In Wonderland.





That was the plan.


Work that day was a little stressfull. Okay a lot stressful, but not enough to prevent me from dreaming of my favorite sushi roll, The Hungry Roll, at Blue Fish. It is SOOOOO delicious, any roll topped with lobster has to be good right?


Why it took me 25 years to try sushi I will never know, but it is food of the Gods.


I think the Sushi Gods were conspiring against me for my lack of sushi interest for so many years because complication after complication developed at work that day. As 5:00 rolled around, I started getting nervous, I couldn't leave work until I met my deadline, which, at the time, was NOW!


I was supposed to pick Andrea up at 6:00, and as I watched the clock tick away on my computer while progress continued to slow, my dreams of sushi began to diminish.


6:00 came and 6:00 went.


Damn you Sushi Gods.


Finally I was able to leave at 7:00. SEVEN! The movie started at 7:45 so I was racing the clock driving straight from work to Andrea's house, about twenty minutes.


I was a mess at this point. My hair was all frizzy from trying to pull it out all day, my makeup had pretty much worn off, and my heart was pounding out of my chest.


Shit. I don't know how to get to her house from the freeway! So she tries to explain directions to me over the phone. This proved to be very difficult for her to do, being that she DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES! How many years have you lived there now Annie?


Serioiusly, the directions I got went something like this:


"So you turn at the light, then there's a church and then a few streets down from that there's a street sign that kind of sticks out a little bit more then the others and you turn there. Oh, but when I said turn at the light, I meant the second light, not the first. Okay, so then the road winds around and you turn at a creepy looking house. Then there are big houses and you make another turn and keep driving around until you get to my house."


Huh.


I only took two wrong turns out of three and only went in one full circle before I reached her house. Do you realize how many spooky houses there are in that neighborhood? Sheesh.


I honk as I'm pulling into the driveway.


Wait.


Wait.


Okay, I think, maybe she didn't hear me. So I leave the car running as I hop out and go knock on the door. Halelujah she answers the door!


Sigh, relief!






While she puts her dog away I run back out to the car. In my haste, I grab the handle to my car door and pull extra hard expecting it to open. But no, I almost rip my shoulder out of it's socket.


The door doesn't budget. I tug again.


Nothin.


I look closer and noticed that the door wasn't shut all the way so I thought if I could just pull a little bit harder....


Nope. Oh, I know! I'll push it all the way shut and then it will open.


Nada.


We are officially locked out of my car.


My car is running.


I'm hitting my car door.


Andrea is trying not to laugh.


Like my keys, my phone and purse are locked in the car so I borrow Andrea's phone and try to call Al. Of course she has to have one of those fancy touch phones that I have no idea how to use.


I try dialing three times.


"You must dial the area code when dialing this number..."


Damn you operator!


"Andrea! How do you hang this up?!"


This goes on until finally I'm able to get through to Al.


Al was not happy.


But he comes, and brings my keys. Andrea and I were waiting inside the house when we hear a knock on the door.


Yay! Finally, every thing's going to be okay. I think.


Oh no. My car keys aren't actually real keys, they are just car remotes that you stick straight into your ignition. Because my other remote was already in the ignition, the spare remote couldn't override it.


So the doors wouldn't unlock. The trunk wouldn't pop open. The spare remote was useless.


And the car was still running.


Then, my predominate brilliance takes control and a light bulb appears above my head. There's an emergency key in the remote! Take the key out, take the key out!





Others were doubtful.


I knew it would work.


What d'ya know, the brilliant blonde saves the day. (The day that she totally ruined)


With no time for goodbyes, Andrea and I hop in the car and as soon as the doors are shut I try to put my seat belt on but, like the car door, it wouldn't budge. I let it go and try again.


Stuck.


Third time, stuck.


Andrea busts up.


I bust up.


We made it just in time for the previews.



Was it worth it? Yes.


Why?


Because after the movie we walked into Blue Fish 5 minutes before they closed and ate to our hearts' content.


The Sushi God's were very pleased.

If it Wasn't For Her, I'd be That Crazy Cat Lady With a Human to Cat Ratio of 1:152

I just went to lunch with my bestest!


I NEVER get to see her! Like ever. She lives 4 hours away, so imagine my surprise when she calls me up and says she's in town and wants to go to lunch!


2010


Me love her.


De has taught me many things throughout our 16 year friendship and I'd like to share a few with you.



I learned...


1. That the most delicious snack is toast with peanut butter, cinnamon and sugar.


2. How to get grounded for months at a time.


3. That it is not a sin if a guy touches your stomach...phew.


4. How to do the centipede.


5. The lyrics to "Shoop" by Salt-N-Pepa, and how to properly sing it gangsta style.


1999


6. How to kick a soccer ball into the air and not let it touch the ground.


7. How to play cards in an elevator in Wendover and not get kidnapped.


8. How to make No Bake Cookies, Egg & Tortilla, Breakfast Cake, and Homemade Tortillas.


1999


9. To be 1% Mexican.


10. That kissing boys with tongue is not gross.


11. The proper way to tan on your roof.


12. How to be a good mom. You know, if by chance I ever become one.


2008


13. How to fake cry while singing "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men.


14. How to shave down there.


15. How to flirt with a boy without pooping myself.


2000


16. How to keep a secret.


17. How to be a friend.


1999


Love you De!

Stacy Rocks! Like A lot. No Really, Stacy Is The Shizzle. That's Right, I Said Shizzle.

Okay People It's Christmas Eve and I got the best surprise evah! One of my favorite people, Random Stacy, wrote a tribute to me on her blog!



Yall know I love Stacy, her Princess Nagger, her wine making skills, her recipes, her giveaways (and not just because I've won one!), and her decorating talent (among her many other talents)! But seriously she is as crazy and as blonde as me and I love her to death. Her blog always brings a smile to my long horse-shaped face!




So thanks Stacy, I heart you!


Like a lot.

My Name Is Pooba And I Am A Digi-Scrapaholic

A little piece of me died last week, a little piece that appeared 4 weeks ago and has been growing at a rapid pace ever since. This growth was the digital scrap booking class that my mom and I have been taking from Tara and last week was our final class.


Sad!


I met Tara through blogging (isn't blogging great?) and she mentioned she was going to teach a couple digi-scrap classes so of course I jumped at the opportunity and signed up.


The result? Tara and I are now real life friends, and I am a digi-scrapin pro. Digi-scrapin genius is more like it. I am officially addicted. And my mom? Well, let's just say she was the special student of the class, but she made it through.


Barely!


(Me, Tara, & my mom. Absent from this picture: Nana)


You probably know Tara, not only from her TMI blog, but she started the Kidz blog as well. Kidz is a blog dedicated to children with special needs, it's an uplifting sight for everyone to connect and learn from their children.


Not only is she tall, beautiful, smart, and plain awesome, but she also allowed me to join her daughter Chloe's fan club. I could go on and on about how amazing Tara is, but I'll just refer you to her websites to see for yourself. (That and I'm lazy)


Too Much Information
kidz
Scrappity {Doo-Dah!}


Not only did I get to meet Tara, but I got to meet her mother in law Nanna! I have been a fan of Nanna's blog for quite some time now and she never fails to entertain. She is just hilarious, I especially love the comments she leaves on my blog because she is just as sarcastic as me.


At least I'm hoping all those comments were sarcastic, otherwise I really am an idiot. But either way, I still like her.


The digi-scrap classes were held at Nana's house (which is beautiful by the way) so my mom and I got to meet some of the family too. I'm surprised Nana didn't kick us out because when my mom and I get together we are pretty loud and annoying.


Mostly annoying, but I think 99% of that annoyance resonates from my mom. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm a pretty pleasant person and not annoying at all. Okay 100% comes from her. *enter sarcasm*


Thank you Tara for putting up with my mom and her old brain full of dusty spider webs and dead moths. I thought she had cleaned those out but apparently she missed a few webs here and there.


(Love you mom!)


Here are a few highlights from the class...

• Meeting Chloe. Of course.

• Meeting Two Dot, the family's adorable dog with an adorable name.

• Taking 3 wrong turns on the first night of class and arriving 30 fashionable minutes late.

• Busting up after my mom asked me if I preferred "two balls" in front of the class. Good thing we were in like company who's minds totally went there too.

• Learning all of my digi-scrap best friends like “Ctrl Z” and “Page 7” of the class book. They’re the best friends I've ever had. (except for you DeAnna!)

• Arriving to the last class early and being greeted by an adorable kindergartner with "The class just started, you're the first ones here." (Obviously the class just started BECAUSE we were the first ones there.) Oh he made me laugh!

• Getting 2 Cd's full of scrapbookin songs that Tara burned for us all. (How cute is that?)

• Sitting at the craft table and wondering if I had peed myself because every time I stood up there were stains left on the chair. (Which were there before I sat down. I didn't pee. I know because I checked.)


So thanks again Tara, you are an awesome teacher! And Nana, don't be surprised if I show up at your house each week with my laptop (and possibly a grocery bag full of magazines) ready to scrap it up!


I'll be expecting your famous sugar cookies of course.

Beet Digger Wannabe

I was hesitant to write about my experience as a Beet Digger because I know it will resonate a lot of jealous and resentful feelings directed towards me and I would hate to be the source of such sinful thoughts and emotions.


Oh who am I kidding? Resent away!


I was honored to be accepted, if only for one night, as a part of the Jordan High School (home of the Beet Diggers) Popular Girl crowd. And not popular girls like in the movie Mean Girls popular, but popular girls as in the coolest chicks you'll ever meet kind of popular.


My friends Andrea & Talisia are part of this group of like 13 or 14 girls from Jordan High who are all good friends and every month they take turns hosting a get together. This month was Tara's turn and she wanted to go see Thriller! (Which I've been dying to see since poo poo head Andrea saw it without me.)


And they let me tag along.


Thriller totally rocked! For anyone that doesn't know what Thriller is, it's an annual dance production put on by The Odyssey Dance Theatre every year for Halloween. It's scary, it's creepy and it's amazing! The dancing is incredible!















I already knew Tara and Dellany who are awesome bloggers and even awesomer real life friends, and I met the other girls for the first time that night at dinner.


At first I felt like that new kid in school with the glasses and braces who is ugly and awkward before she's befriended by the popular girls who then give her a makeover so by the end of the school year she gets asked out by the hottest guy at the school and they go out on a date but he's a jerk and just wants to have sex with her so she slaps him and then realizes that she's been in love with her nerdy best guy friend who she ditched to hang out with the popular girls and after she apologizes for her stupid ways he takes her back and they live happily ever after.


It was like that but minus the braces, and after we sat down and all got to talking, I realized they were all quirky like me so I felt right at home.


Thanks Dell for ordering nachos with me for dinner and for teaching me things that I didn't even know existed, like almond milk and, what did you call them? Vegetables? Yeah, that was pretty awesome.


And thanks Sara for freaking out about everyone having babies all the time and doing stupid stuff like getting married. Oh, and thanks for being so concerned about the audience at Thriller who were all coughing and choking to death from smoke inhalation.


As far as you know I didn't cough once. Shut up Andrea.


And thanks Tara for buying the tickets and letting me write you out a check like those annoying check writers in the grocery check out lines that take FOREVER! Good God people, ever heard of a debit card? Checks or SO 20th century. Oh and thanks for liking the ruffles on my shirt, they like you too.


And thanks Talisia for not having your baby right there on the steps in front of Kingsbury Hall. I thought for sure he'd pop out after that zombie girl snuck up on you and I would have to jump forward and catch him before he hit the cement and then we'd all have to take you to the hospital and miss the show all together. So yeah, thanks for not doing that.


And for not peeing.


And thanks Andrea...for something. I'm sure you did something I should be thankful for soooo...thanks...er whatever.


And lastly, I'd like to thank the Academy. It was hella fun!

The Art of Crotch Watching

Albert and I enjoyed dinner and a movie with our friends Kevin & Andrea over the weekend. After eating delicious sushi, we had about an hour to kill before the movie started so the boys reverted back to their 10 year old selves and played video games while Annie and I participated in some high-quality people watching.


There's nothing more entertaining then people watching, well except for that time Lance made fun of Lindee because she thought Pilgrims and Pioneers were one and the same and that Thanksgiving originated in Utah. That was pretty entertaining, but people watching is a close second.


So we sat on a bench studying the passers by and attempted to guess what kind of people they were and the types of relationships they had with those accompanying them. It didn't take long before our observations reverted to what people were wearing. Annie taught me a lot about fashion, specifically the art of wearing boots over your jeans.


I learned that this is bad:



Now the sweater, belt, and horrific sexy face aside, do you see the jeans bunching up over the top of the boots? That is bad, especially with those hooker boots.


I also learned that this is good:



Boots over skinny jeans is very respectable, especially cute slouchy boots with buckles as shown here.


Now back to our public surveillance, our attention turned to one girl in particular who, as I was taught, was a horrible example of the boot to jean fashion. Annie began to describe why her jeans were not the right jeans and why her boots were not the right boots but I wasn't listening, I was too preoccupied looking at her crotch.


I had never before seen such a large crotch in my life!


I began to feel jealous of this girl, bad boots or not, so I pointed out her crotch to Annie who in turn was a little bewildered by my comment. She looked at the girl and looked back at me until she finally asked me how I could tell she had a big crotch.


Well, let me try to explain. Someone is considered to have a big crotch when they have a lot of space between their legs so you can distinctively see a separation between the first thigh, the crotch, and the second thigh.


It's hard to describe without using my hand gestures that I used to explain this to Andrea but I'll try. You know those skinny bitches whose thighs don't touch? They have big crotches!


Let me just show you.


Big crotches:






Small crotches:





And the crotch size does not necessarily depend on how skinny the thighs are. Some people can have the extremely thin thighs but their legs are built so close together that a space between them is just not viable.


Or you could be built like me with mammoth thighs and colossal saddle bags that, if placed directly in front of the sun, could black out the entire Western hemisphere. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying small crotches a necessarily a bad thing, I just happen to be a small crotched person who would prefer a larger crotch.


Because we all want what we can't have right?