Heaven Called and They Want Their Rolls Back

Imagine waking up Saturday morning to the sweet aroma of fresh from the oven cinnamon rolls.






That right there is heaven to me. Well, it could be hell if I couldn't actually EAT those cinnamon rolls, but I pray to God that will never happen. And God loves me so I think I'm safe.



I don't know what's been wrong with me lately but I've been baking up a storm of bread, cookies, bagels, cakes, and cinnamon rolls. I just can't stop myself. Ok, I haven't really tried to stop myself but I'm sure I couldn't if I tried, I'm pretty stubborn that way.



And this has not made Albert happy either. He can't eat anything I cook so basically that hell situation I explained above is his reality.



Albert: "Why can't you be obsessed with cooking something I can actually eat like chicken and potatoes?"



Me: "Um, because that is boring and gross and you can't snack on that while you're baking it! There's no spatula or bowl covered in sweet batter waiting to be licked afterwards. Sheesh."



So my coworkers have received most of the benefits of my baking obsession, and sadly, the hubster has not.



Okay so are you still staring at those cinnamon rolls above wondering how the hell you can get them from your screen into your watering mouth? Well wipe off your chin and put on your apron because I've got the recipe to share with you!



I promise I'm not trying to make all of you fat.



Just most of you.



And as I've told you before, I'm a pretty messy cook!





This time I managed to keep myself clean but Dozer wasn't so lucky.





Oops. He wasn't too happy with me.

Okay so here's the recipe for all you fatties!




DAMN GOOD CINNAMON ROLLS


*I only made half the recipe which made 25 rolls. The full recipe makes 50! I'm not a big fan of maple frosting, so I also made a regular glaze frosting too which was delish. A cream cheese frosting would be excellent as well!


Recipe is from The Pioneer Woman Cooks.
Pictures are, well, mine.


Dough
1 Quart whole milk
1 Cup vegetable oil
1 C sugar
2 Packages (4 ½ t) active dry yeast
9 Cups flour
1 Heaping teaspoon baking powder
1 Scant teaspoon baking soda
1 Tablespoon salt








Filling
2 C Melted butter, plus more as needed
¼ C Ground cinnamon for sprinkling
2 Cups Sugar









Maple Icing
2 lbs Powdered sugar
½ C Whole milk
6 Tablespoon (3/4 stick) Butter, melted
¼ C Strongly brewed coffee
Dash of salt
1 Tablespoon maple flavoring or maple extract






1. For the dough, heat milk, vegetable oil and sugar in a medium saucepan over medium heat; do not allow the mixture to boil. Set aside and cool to lukewarm






2. Sprinkle the yeast on top and let it sit on the milk for 1 minute.






3. Add 8 cups of the flour. Stir until just combined, cover with a clean kitchen towel, and set aside in a relatively warm place for 1 hour.






4. Remove the towel and add the baking powder, baking soda, salt, and the remaining 1 C flour, Stir thoroughly to combine. Use the dough right away, or place in a mixing bowl and refrigerate for up to 3 days, punching down the dough if it rises to the top of the bowl.






5. To assemble the rolls, remove half the dough from the pan. On a floured baking surface, roll the dough into a large rectangle, about 30x10 inches






6. To make the filling, pour 1 cup of the melted butter over the surface of the dough. Use your fingers to spread the butter evenly.






7. Generously sprinkle half of the ground cinnamon and 1 cup of the sugar over the butter. Don’t be afraid to drizzle on more butter or more sugar!






8. Now, beginning at the end farthest from you, roll the rectangle tightly toward you. Use both hands and work slowly, being careful to keep the roll tight.






9. When you reach the end, pinch the seam together. When you’re finished, you’ll wind up with one long buttery, cinnamony, sugary, gooey log.






10. Transfer to a cutting board and with a sharp knife, make 1 ½ inch slices. One log will produce 20 to 25 rolls. (I use a peace of thread so that the rolls don't get smashed!)






11. Pour a couple of tablespoons of melted butter into to the desired pie pans or baking dishes and swirl to coat. I used two 13x9 inch pans for half of the recipe which made 25 rolls! The full recipe will make 50! Place the sliced rolls in the pans, being careful not to over crowd






12. Repeat the rolling/sugar/butter process with the other half of the dough and more pans. Preheat oven to 375 degrees cover the pans with a kitchen towel and set aside to rise on the counter top for at a least 20 min before baking.






13. Remove the towel and bake for 13 to 17 min, until golden brown. Don’t allow rolls to become overly brown.







Maple Frosting:

14. In a large bowl, whisk together the powdered sugar, milk, butter, coffee and salt.


15. Splash in the maple flavoring


16. Whisk until very smooth. Taste and add in more maple, sugar, butter or other ingredients. As needed until the icing reaches the desired consistency. The icing should be thick but still pourable.




17. While the rolls are still warm, generously drizzle icing over the top. Be sure to get it all around the edges and over the top. Now I'm not a big fan of maple so I made half of the cinnamon rolls with a powdered sugar/milk/butter/vanilla frosting.






18. As they sit, the rolls will absorb some of the icing’s moisture and flavor.


Eat em while their hot!

D'oh!

There's nothing like a fresh loaf of bread. Straight out of the oven, glistening with butter, it's enough to make me swoon.


Homemade bread was my first love you know. I used to make bread all the time growing up but sadly, I haven't even attempted it since I've been married. I love baking.


(And not just for the excuse to wear an apron).


I've been thinking about bread a lot lately and the relationship we once had and last Sunday I thought it was about time I rekindle our flame!


I baked bread.


Everything was going well. The apron, the ingredients, the Kitchen Aid.




Oh yeah,

the Kitchen Aid.


I've never made bread with a Kitchen Aid before. I guess it's not made to hold 9 cups of flour.


That became apparent only after the sheet of flour erupted, covering everything within 2 feet of it's premises.







Just a small set back, but this scene is not unfamiliar to me. My husband knows that when I'm baking in the kitchen it's always best to stay out until I'm finished.


It gets messy.


Real messy.


So I ended up kneading the dough by hand and everything was fine.




After the dough raised, and after Al just HAD to punch it down eleven times, it was time to roll it out.





I divided the dough in two, one for a plain loaf and one for my personal favorite, a cinnamon loaf!


You've always got to make at least one cinnamon loaf.


Always.


For the cinnamon goodness, you brush the dough with butter.





And cover it with cinnamon and sugar.


A ton of cinnamon and sugar. The more the better.




Then, you roll it up and throw it in a loaf pan.




Doesn't that look perfect? Wow, I didn't realize I still had it in me but, as you can see, that is one perfect rolled pile of dough!


I was excited, everything was going great. In the oven it went and filled my house with the smell of warm cinnamon and sugar.


Mmmmmm...


And then out of the oven came the most perfect loaf:






Mwwaaahh!






Okay okay, that's not how mine turned out at all.


More like this lumpy pile if crap:




(As you can see, I'm a little rusty at the whole rolling up and pinching shut thing.)





Oh bread. Why must our love be a one way street? I love you so much yet you still find it necessary to embarrass me.


So now I feel the need to redeem myself. I want to make the most perfect loaf of bread ever, but I need the perfect bread recipe. One that is tried and true.


Tried. And. True.


I know you've got the recipe I'm looking for so com'on,


SPILL IT.

OOWA: Overly Obsessed With Acronyms

The following post was written Sunday Morning at 8:30 AM.

So this morning as I'm trying to enjoy my MMM (Mocha Movie Morning) I set my latte down on the side table in the living room and walk away to go to the bathroom (TMI? whatev).

As I'm in the bathroom I hear a loud lapping sound.

"DOZER NO!"

I wash my hands and hurry out to the living room to see that my worst nightmare has come true.(Ok, maybe not my WORST nightmare, after all, the world has not run out of milk, cereal and chocolate, but a close second.)

Someone drank my latte!

And not just anyone, but a furry, slobbery four legged one! Which means not only is my latte totally gone, which in itself is a horrible tragedy, but is now splattered all over the table, couch and floor.

The bastard.



So after throwing Dozer out the window (Totally kidding, you think I could really pick that dog up?) I clean up the mess.

So now I've missed half of my movie, and no longer have a mocha. This morning is turning into a MMMM (Messy Missed Movie Morning) instead of a MMM. So I decided that I deserve something better than a MMM, yes, I deserve a DHPSLMMSD! (Delicious Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte Movie Morning Sans Dog)

Oh yeah, I made my own Pumpkin Spice Latte and am enjoying it right now as I watch my movie.



My DHPSLMMSD.

Now you can have a DHPSLMMSD too! And here's how:


Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte

2 cups milk
1 cup very strong coffee
2 T canned pumpkin
2 T white sugar
2 T vanilla
1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
Whipped Cream

Over medium heat, combine coffee and milk in a saucepan. After the mixture is warm, not boiling, whisk in the pumpkin, sugar, vanilla & pumpkin spice. Continue to heat to desired temperature. If you want a foamy latte, continue whisking as it heats.

Pour into large coffee cups and garnish with whipped cream and sprinkle with extra pumpkin pie spice. Makes 3 servings (1 cup each).

I like to keep mine low fat so I used skim milk and Cool Whip Free.

It was delicious!



Now just add your favorite movie (this time of year I suggest Elf) and you've got your very own DHPSLMMSD!

Just make sure you send your dog outside first.

My Fantasy Footballs

That hubster of mine is one of those fantasy football players. He's the Bud Light Real Men of Genius Fantasy Football Manager Guy.


I'm so proud.


Anyway, Albert and his other really tough & brawny fantasy football buddies got together last Saturday night to spend 4 hours sitting on their asses bidding on players for their fake football teams. It's what they like to call The Draft. Sounds fun, really.

The Draft is a huge event that Albert starts planning a year in advance so I wanted to contribute this year so I decided to make some football shaped sugar cookies. Score points for me on my Bree Van De Kamp journey!

I have been looking for the best sugar cookie recipe, the kind that are nice and soft and the kind that DO NOT have that gross lemon flavor to them. Well, I found it. These things are deadly; you will eat the whole batch if you're not careful. This is the best sugar cookie recipe I have found and lucky for you, I'm here to share it!

(Warning, my footballs turned out horrid and ugly but they tasted delicious! I suck at footballs. And life.)



First thing you do is pick out your baking music, I have kept a selection of goodies here for you to choose from. For this occasion, I chose The Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. Great CD!









Second, you will need to get out all this crap:

In a large bowl, cream together shortening, sugar, eggs, and vanilla.

Like dis:

Next, add the dry ingredients. I like to mix the dry ingredients together first in a separate bowl so all the salt and soda get to know the flour first. Or whatever.



Then I add those dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix.




The dough should look like dis:




Now add the sour cream (Oooooh, secret ingredient!!!)




Stir the dough until is starts pulling away from the sides of the bowl like dis:




Cover and chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes.


On a floured surface, roll out dough to about 1/8 inch thickness. You can make them a little thicker if you like bigger cookies.




Use desired cookie cutter, mine of course was a football.



Place cookies on an ungreased baking sheet and bake in a 375 degree oven for 8 minutes.



Now this is the important part because you don't want to over cook them. When you pull them from the oven they will not quite look done. THIS IS OKAY, do not leave them in the oven any longer than 8 minutes. They should look like dis:




Cool cookies completely before frosting.



Okay now I also found this great frosting recipe, you can either use this or just buy some cream cheese frosting already made. Whichever you prefer.

To make good frosting, you've GOT to cream the butter first.




And then add the remaining ingredients, milk, powdered sugar & vanilla. Just check out this frosting, it's so yummy!




Now here is where I began my downfall. I needed to turn this white frosting into brown frosting for my footballs. Seems easy enough right? Just add red and green food coloring and you'll get brown right? Easy.




Well, not so much. I used the rest of my red and green food coloring and this is as brown as it got:




Not quite what I was going for but I was determined NOT to use chocolate frosting on these cookies so I had to make do. And here is where they turn really ugly, frosting the cookies.




Yes I am aware it looks like puke or poop, but I promise they taste delicious! When frosting these things you really want to use a bit more frosting then usual. Trust me, there's no such thing as too much frosting on a sugar cookie the last thing you want is for them to be dry.

Then I had to add my 3 little white stripy things to make them look like footballs. I can't even do that right. Straight lines? Not possible with my shaky hands. So here is the final result:






Not the prettiest things but they were so fricken delicious; I think I ate a dozen by myself. So be careful!

And here are both recipes written out in full for you to copy:


The Best Sugar Cookie Recipe Ever

1 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
½ tsp. vanilla
3 cups flour
½ tsp. soda
½ tsp. salt
1 tsp baking powder
½ cup sour cream (you can use yogurt or buttermilk also)


Cream shortening, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Add dry ingredients and sour cream. Mix well. Cover bowl and chill dough at least 30 minutes. On floured surface, roll out to 1/8 inch thickness. Cut into desired shapes. Place on ungreased cookie sheets. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 8 minutes. Do not over bake!

Makes 4-5 dozen



Sugar Cookie Frosting:

4 cups confectioners' sugar
½ cup shortening (or butter)
5 tablespoons milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
food coloring

In a large bowl, cream shortening until smooth. Add the confectioners' sugar and mix again until smooth. Gradually mix in the milk and vanilla with an electric mixer until smooth and stiff, about 5 minutes. Color with food coloring if desired.


Don't forget your aprons! I was sporting this one:



With nothing underneath of course.