Wait, Who's Giving Birth?

Over the weekend Mike and I went to visit his fam for a little Birthday celebration. His mom arranged to have a chef come to her house and give us a cooking lesson and fix us a gourmet meal.





So those who wanted to cook, cooked. And those who pretended they wanted to cook, drank. Maybe you can tell which team everyone was on...

Team Drunk








Or Team Cook






And this is the man of the night, Chef Mike! I'm still not sure which team he was on...




(Yes there were three Mike's in the kitchen that night. I had a hard time telling them apart.)





The extremely tall dude in the pic above is Mike's brother in law. He's only 9 foot 10. No big deal. And that cutey standing next to him is Mike's sister.


She is not 9 foot 10. (Ok he's not really 9 foot 10, more like 6 foot huge.)


After dinner Mike's bro-in-law leaned back in his chair and rubbing his belly said,


"I'm so full I feel like I could give birth!"


Everyone laughed at the joke, everyone except his wife. Apparently it was an inside joke that Mike and I were not included in. We weren't let in on the little joke until later that night when Mike's sis blurted out


"Sooooo, how does Uncle Michael sound?" (Yes, you have to call Mike "Michael" when his family is present. Sounds so weird to me!)


Michael's (ie. Mike's) face went white as the fact that his sister was pregnant sunk in. He was seriously in shock. He didn't think they were actually going to have kids. They have chickens, that's pretty much the same thing right?


Except I'm pretty sure kids don't lay eggs. But I could be wrong.


After he snapped back to the present he said his congratulations and everyone was all happy and shit. If you didn't know, Mike LOVES kids.


In fact my neph Logan was talking to his mom the other day and said,


"I have two favorite aunts, aunt Pooba and aunt Mike!"


Yeah, Mike's already a favorite aunt, and now he is going to be a favorite uncle! The news is especially exciting as this is the first grandchild in their family. Here are the two proud grandparents to be:




(Shut up I know the pic is blurry but my cell phone bites! And also takes blurry pics.)


Apparently when Mike's sis and bro-in-law told her mom the news earlier that day, her first words were:


"Bout time! Thanks for knockin up my daughter!!"


So good luck to them, they are going to have 10 foot 9 babies! I mean, did you see this dude?





The dude in yellow, the other dude is mine. Mike is holding a cross bow he made out of skis and a bunch of other shit he found layin round the house. He's crazy creative like that.


Love his guts!

Nuts

The wait is finally over, if you haven't guessed yet, my sister is the one who is preggers!

And we finally found out on Saturday that she is having two balls and a penis!!

I guess there's a head and arms and all that other shit too.


I'm so excited to get another one of these:

Thank God for reproductive siblings.

I Sure Hope Having Babies on the Freeway Doesn't Run in the Family!

My cousin just gave birth on the Freeway!!


GO HERE TO READ STORY


What??


Why am I still in Canada right now???

Somebody's Been Gettin It On...

Bow-Chika-Bow-Wow!

Hint:

Nursing Is Not Just For Mommies

Facebook is awesome!

I recently was able to reconnect with my good friend Melanie on facebook, she's my best ballet buddy. We did a lot of crap together. We carpooled to ballet two to three times a week...

(I'm always the tallest (imagine that?) and Mel's always the second tallest)



...we shared clothes, we went to school together and we had tons of sleepovers.

(Mel & I on the very right, cute De & I on the left and middle)


Obviously we were very cool. All three of us.



We choreographed our own dances together, we were in the Nutcracker together...








...and we were on the high school drill team together!








That's a whole lotta togetherness! Here is her lovely face today.




And here is her lovely belly today.




That's right, she has a baby, no, she has a Human. Being. In. Her. Belly. (Pregnancy is so alienish!)


She and her charming husband are having a baby boy, little baby Ivan. Mel went against her best judgment and invited me to her baby shower to help celebrate this lil guy waiting to spring forth into this world. She really had no idea the risk she was taking in extending an invite to a klutz such as me; of course I didn't tell her I was a baby smasher.


I'm not stupid.


So here is Mel & the guy who helped make the baby:




The baby shower was thrown by Mel's mother in law and it was just beautiful! Complete with brunch and Mimosas!






And showing up fashionably late (because it is fashionable to be late to a baby shower) were two other friends from our high school drill team. It was so awesome to see them and they are still as funny as they were in high school, and just as pretty!

This is Kristie and she has 2 kids of her own, a boy and a girl.




I was lucky enough to meet her littlest cutie Preslie, and even luckier to snap this shot:



(Don't worry, I didn't smash her)


This is Shirley Ann and yes, she too has a Human. Being. In. Her. Belly. She is pregnant with her first child, a baby girl.




Kristie had to teach the two future mothers how to change a blow-out poopy diaper, or as Tori Spelling would call a PUTP (Poop Up The Puss). Mel almost fainted from the pungent smell and Shirley Ann simply gasped realizing what the future has in store for her. Oh the horror!




I of course kept my distance, good birth control there.


Aren't my friend's bellies so dang cute & just enormous? Oh I am just kidding, really. Sort of.





And to think ten years ago we were all dancing together! Since I have fully embarrassed both myself and Mel with old pictures, I only feel obligated to do the same for Kristie and Shirley Ann.


Year book day at school, can you find them?




Shirley Ann and I at the Tremaine Dance Convention in Las Vegas. We stayed in a suite and felt pretty important. Rightly so.




This is at the national drill team competition in Florida, I have no idea what I'm doing to Shirley Ann's hair but she doesn't seem too upset by it.



One thing that I think is just hilarious about Shirley Ann is that she gave me the nickname Big Mamma. Her reasoning behind it was that I was the mother of the drill team with big boobs. And you know what they would do? They'd all make a sucky face and pretend to be nursing. That damn nickname stuck until I graduated.


Yes folks, like I said before, we were very cool and not immature at all.


Goofing around at Disney World while in Florida at nationals.






This is at the top secret candle light ceremony where the new members of the drill team are initiated in and the old members were ultimately kicked out. Very, very top secret stuff here; I could get killed for posting this picture.



(Mindy, if you value your life, you will not tell anyone!)


Now, back to the present.



Melanie I know you will be a great mother, just like you are a great substitute mother to Fox. I wish you all the best and can't wait to meet Ivan. (Hopefully this week!)

And don't worry, I hear that giving birth is absolutely the most excruciating pain you will ever experience.

No biggy.

Just A Little Taste

We're back!

The trip was so fun, except for the time I insulted a few lawyers, and the time I swore in front of innocent children, oh, and the time I almost puked in a stranger's lap.

Other than those few moments, we had a great time!

We stayed at the Marriot Hotel in San Jose Costa Rica which is a little bit different then the Marriot in Utah, well a huge bit different! They have a casino, golf course, 4 restaraunts, and hello...the beach!

Here are a couple views from our Hotel.

I tell ya, I've never seen so many bare naked pregnant bellies at one time in my life!





Al and I would love walking to the marina and take in the scenery while playing in the water. Okay, I played in the water while Al watched.






Although there were tons of tours and adventures to go on, I think our favorite thing to do was this.





Now we both love laying out and reading a book by the pool, however I don't think Albert knows how to really relax. Me, I was reading Club Dead, a fictional novel about make believe events and imaginary people, pure for entertainment purposes. Albert on the other hand took this book:



WHAT THE?

Economics on vacation? Come on Al! Mind you, this book is NOT a school book, he is NOT required to read it, he actually went and bought that boring lookin thing at Barnes and Noble for a "casual" read. Of course I took the opportunity to give him crap every time he cracked the cover and I wasn't the only one who noticed, some other people in our group saw what he was reading but they were more in awe which of course I secretly was too, but ya can't admit that it's just not as fun.



But that's Al for ya, he is always learning. He thinks it's fun er somethin....learning, pfh!

Now that I think of it, maybe I need to do a little learning myself. I totally embarrassed us both with my blabber mouth that likes to spit crap out before my brain has time to actually give it permission. One said occasion happened at the welcome dinner the first night we were there.



We were sitting at the table with a couple lawyers who work at Siegfreid and Jensen, a popular personal ingury law firm. You know, the ones who are on the back of every phone book and billboard in Utah?

Now you know Alex is applying for law school so they all started into their "lawyer" talk while I pretended to pay attention spouting out a few vague comments here and there when we were introduced to another lawyer who came to sit at the table. I looked at this new person and I asked:

"Oh, are you with Siegfried and Roy too?"




Oops.

Alex bout died and before I tried to correct myself he gave me a little nudge which I interpreted as him telling me to shut the hell up before I embarrased both of us any further. After dinner however, we took a walk on the beach and Al said he nudged me because he didn't think anybody heard me, or if they did, they chose to ignore it so he thought it best to leave it be.



We both had a good laugh over that one!



So there's just a little taste of the trip for ya, I've got plenty other embarrasing stories to tell and plenty more pics to show you of the beautiful scenery that get ruined by me being in them, but they will all come in good time. For now I'm a week behind at work and even worse, a week behind in reading my favorite blogs so I must go! Stay tuned...

Oh and no Allison, we didn't see any Ligers, much to our disapointment. However I heard Tions are much cooler anyway.