Will Work For Beer

I had another encounter last week which further demonstrates my susceptibility to suckerism. It actually occurred on my way in to Red Robin to have dinner last week.


As I drive into the parking lot I notice a gentleman talking to a couple who are standing about 10 feet from the entrance to the restaurant. I find a parking spot, grab my purse, and walk toward the front door.


The couple has left at this point and as I walk closer to the entrance the gentleman approaches me.


"Excuse me Miss? Can I ask you something?" He asks me. I notice a hint of an accent.


He's standing beside a car with a woman sitting in the passenger seat so I assume he is going to ask me for directions. I haven't lived in Layton for ten years but I decide to try to help him. Besides, he looks like Sacha Baron Cohen, this could get interesting right?



"Sure" I replied.

"My wife and I" he says gesturing to the woman in the car "Are trying to reach this town called St. George and that guy just told us it is about 350 miles that way" He points south.


As he's talking I glance over at the woman in the car and notice her hair is a tangled frizzy mess and I get distracted thinking that she really needs to use some Silk Therapy to fix that, and hasn't she ever heard of a brush?


"We only have a quarter tank of gas left in our car so there is no way we will be able to make it there tonight"


Oh, he's still talking.


"And in Salt Lake City you know there is a Temple Square there with Bishops and stuff and they have a Welfare Square where they let you have a place to stay for the night for nothing."


Now I'm just staring at him wondering what he is trying to get at, does he want a ride? A place to stay? Money?


"Well we called them at 523-4598 (Not the real number but he did quote the number he supposedly called) and they closed at 5:00 and don't let anybody in after Five. So then we called the bishop at 546-9847 (Again, not the real number, but he did quote a phone number) but all the bishops leave work at 5:00 too."


What the hell? Yes because all the bishops work at Temple Square every day. (For anyone who doesn't live in Utah, this guy obviously doesn't know what he's talking about. Bishops don't work anywhere.) By now I am just humoring the guy wondering what he's going to come up with next.


"So there are no bishops to give us a place to stay for the night and we really need to get to St. George." He again gestures to his frizzy haired wife in the car. "But we only have a quarter tank of gas."


Okay, now this guy seriously needs to hurry up. Get to the point!


"And St. George is too far away to make it on a quarter tank of gas. And we don't have anywhere to stay for the night. And we can't talk to a bishop in Salt Lake so I was wondering if you could help us out.?


Blink. Blink. I'm at a loss for words. I stare at him for a few seconds longer expecting him to keep going but apparently he is done with his speech.


"So are you trying to ask me for money?" I finally ask.


He looks at the ground, puts his hands in his pockets and mumbles something I can't understand. He takes a step back and instead of looking at me in the eye, he looks left and says,


"Uh, yeah if you have any to spare .... mumble ... St. George ... mumble ... welfare ... mumble ..."


Now I'm just wanting this guy to shut up so as he's mumbling I reach into my purse and pull out a couple bucks and hand it over to the guy knowing full well that he's a lying sack of dog shit. But after sitting there and listening to him blabber on and on I just felt a little stupid if I just said no.


Seriously, why can't I just say no to these people? I thought of this incident as just another funny story but my husband is very worried about my inability to say no and thinks it is very dangerous to even let these people talk to me.


At the moment I didn't feel like I was in any danger but I guess anything is possible right? He could have just been luring me over and when he had me close enough could have pushed me into his car and drove away.


Of course I don't think of those things at all, I just see a poor guy who needs help. I seriously don't worry about that stuff, I feel like I can take care of myself in those situations but can I really?



And what about the bums (Or Little People) that ask me for change every day as I walk to lunch down town? Are they dangerous?


Where do you draw the line?

Pooba's My Porn Star Name

I work in downtown Salt Lake.

Before the whole demolition, er....I mean...."Downtown Rising" thing started, I would head over to the malls for my lunch break. Now, sadly, there are just huge holes where the malls once were....but that's a 'hole' different story. (Sorry, bad pun!) On many occasions I would be confronted by a homeless person (or a person pretending to be a homeless person) asking for change. I usually would just give them spare change if I had any, although one time I did give a bag of candy to a man with no teeth, I don't care what you think, I know HE appreciated it!



Oh, and another time after I gave a man a handful of pennies, he tried to give me his coat because I wasn't wearing one. Of course I declined. Not because it smelled of urine and was covered in dirt, sweat, and had 3 visible holes in it, but because I knew he needed it more than me.


I'm a very compassionate person you know.


So these little confrontations became a part of my daily routine, but one such occasion comes to mind that I will never forget, and I'll tell you it was the weirdest confrontation I've ever had.


Well, one of the weirdest.



So it was a typical warm and sunny day in downtown Salt Lake, I again was headed across the street to the mall to pick up lunch. I was by myself, I was was wearing my business skirt and top, and I was wearing my high heels. Normally I am about 5'10 & 1/2" but when wearing heals, I am a giant 6'2''!



I know....very scery!




So anyway I thought I looked pretty professional ya know? But apparently I was an easy target to a 3 foot man holding a video camera. I was in the middle of the cross walk and saw him out of the corner of my eye walking the opposite direction. We passed and I didn't think anything of it until I heard someone say,


"Hey miss, excuse me, miss?"


I turned around and nobody was there! Creepy I thought, and turned around to continue into the mall.


"Excuse me, um, down here!"


I turned around again and looked down and there he was. Standing 3 feet tall, he looked to be in his mid to late 20's, dressed casually but adorned with bling galore, and he was looking up at me with a little smirk on his face.


"Oh, um, yes?" I said to him. He sat there for a second and put his video camera in his bag and flat out asked,


"Will you be in a party video that me and my friends are filming?"


What? I just sat there and was trying to understand what he was asking me. So he stared at me with that same little smirk on his face while I stood there with my jaw sinking into the floor and my face turning a nice bright crimson color while flashes of those Girls Gone Wild commercials spun inside my head.


"You know, it's one of those "party" movies. Wanna be in it?" As I heaved my jaw from off the ground and stuffed it back into my head, I stammered,


"Um....no thank you."


Then I turned and ran like hell outta there! I didn't want to even think about what kind of video he could be making that involved a 6'2'' tall woman and a 3' tall man!

What did you think I would do, say yes?

Sorry to disappoint but what would you do?