I'm Totally Plagiarizing This Shit

Today, because I'm lazy and don't want to tell this hilarious story myself, my crazy lil sis is going to do it for me! You can read it on her blog HERE but since I know most of you are as lazy as me and can't fathom clicking the mouse button ONE. MORE. TIME. I went ahead and pasted it below.


You're welcome.



"Night Out On The Town"
By My lil slut sis





My sister took me to her work Christmas party because, well, everyone at her works loves/hates me. You see, during the summer I went with Pooba to Elko where one of the actual Gold mines for my sisters company is. While there, her work threw a party for everyone with unlimited drinks and food. This made for a very fun night, they also had a live band and we dance the night away. When it came time to go home, my sisters boss (who'd I'd gotten to know on the trip), was a bit to tipsy and passed out cold on the bus. When opportunity arises, I must take advantage. I borrowed some lip liner from a girl and hopped on over to his seat and drew a giant penis on his face.






Yes, it was a good decision and very mature of me despite what you think.






Not only is he my sisters boss, come to find out, he is over all the accountants at this giant company. I didn't realize who I was messing with I guess.






The next morning he sent out an email about business, accounts recievable, due dates blah blah blah, and at the end he included:



"It appears someone last night took advantage of my inebriated state last night, I will find you."






and then






"Just kidding, I know it was Lindee."






Tee hee.






Ok, so back to the christmas party, here is me and Pooba getting all dolled up:





I was a little nervous to go but Curtis had saved us a seat and was very nice to me!


I kept hearing this weird sound throughout the night and kept asking Pooba what it was. There was an older lady behind us who we determined had a squeeky chair, or was letting them loose all night.





Near the end of the evening, when the CEO is giving his speech. Me and Pooba hear it again, but much louder, a very distinguishing fart sound. Our whole table busts up laughing as silently as they could, I look at Curtis and he is bright red so I think it's him. Then it happens again and it finally clicks.



Everyone is looking at me.



I didn't even hestitate, I reached under my chair and felt the hard plastic of a fart machine. I ripped it off and chucked it at Curtis. He had gotten his revenge after 5 months of waiting.



Needless to say the night was memorable and totally fun, me and Curtis are buddy's now but I'm still trying to come up with ways to pay him back... any ideas???

A Drunken Happy Thanksgiving Christmas

So I have no pics from Christmas. And maybe like 2 from New Years but hey, I've got plenty of pics from Thanksgiving! So lets all play make-believe and pretend these pics are from Christmas. What a great idea!


My second Thanksgiving Christmas was with my crazy fam. It's always a good time.


See all the happy faces?











Yeah, my siblings get pretty excited over the Holidays. I mean look at baby sis and her boyfriend:

Don't let that picture fool you, this is what they looked like just 2 seconds before I forced them to pretend that they liked each other:





Yeah, someone needed a drink!





Yeah right. Turns out my baby sis thinks that everyone who drinks is an idiot. So this champagne, of which millions of people drink for the holidays all over the world, is some sort of magic idiot potion.


I don't know how our world has survived with so many idiots running the country. Just think about all the corporate executives, presidents, religious leaders, and toddlers who run around drunk all the time!


What has this world come to?


Case in point, check out these idiots:






It's okay, even though my baby sis thinks I'm an idiot, I still love her.


I think.





However I'm not so sure 'bout Lindee...








She was obviously drunk in that picture...


So other than all the drunken idiots at our little Thanksgiving Christmas party, it was pretty fun. Everyone was there, even my long lost niece and nephew!





Aren't they cute? (Pay no attention to the huge Ram head hanging on the wall in the background. After Gary moved in all these dead animals started showing up all over the walls and the floor!


Interesting...





Well, dead and alive animals...some bigger than others...





Oh, and the newly weds were there of course. I finally have their wedding pics ready so I will be posting those soon! It's only like 4 months late. Whatever.





Isn't this the cutest pic ever??





Here's a pic of all the girls! My sis-in-law, me, baby sis & lil sis.





Now trying to get a nice pic of me and my dad was a little difficult with drunken Lindee jumping in the picture all the time! (Because we're all drunken idiots remember?)








Speaking of drinking...





And check out Brolan, he's runnin off with the wine bottles! Like father like son right? God I sure hope not.








(I'm not bitter at all about my family's view that alcohol is evil and everyone who consumes just a tiny drop is a drunken idiot. Not bitter at all.)


It was a great Thanksgiving Christmas!

Christmas Is No Longer In The Air

We are suffocating in Utah. The air quality in Northern Utah was the WORST in the Nation yesterday. We are breathing in shit soup people.



DISGUSTING.

Never thought I'd say this, but we need a really good storm. Breathing keeps you alive so I guess I'd like to keep doing it.



Even angel Moroni can't breath, let alone blow his horn.

Hold on while I put on my oxygen mask, I'd like to finish this post before I keel over.

Thanks.



So it's January 11th and I haven't even finished posting about Christmas. So you'll just have to shut up and deal with it.

Christmas morning back at my mom's house...



I just love baby's faces right after they wake up!



30-year-old faces however, not so much. This is typical of my brother on EVERY Christmas morning.



We just throw his presents on top of him.



I guess my whole family doesn't do well with mornings. Case in point.






Surprisingly Lindee was quite awake even though she had to wake up extra early to have Christmas a 6 AM with her mom-in-law. Yeah, 6 AM! Here she is showing off her new apron.



(Sorry kids, she hasn't yet figured out how to wear a black bra with a black shirt)


Other highlights:


Baby dimples.




Alyse and her new Nikon.



Logan and his new camera.



Calendars, homemade by Lindee.



My dad's cute face.



Now, the BEST part of the morning...Justine, I KNOW your family can appreciate this.

Picking my dad's never ending blackhead.



Even Logan got in on the action. Seriously, we love when it's blackhead popping time. My dad has had this blackhead in the middle of his back for years now and it is the deepest thing I have ever seen. We can stick a needle all the way down in it and he can't feel a thing.

It's a family event when we get to whip out the blackhead, it's so exciting & disgusting to see how much crap we can get out of it. We are sick, twisted people my family.

But we're okay with that.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but yes, I really am posting a picture of my dad's blackhead on the internet for the whole world to enjoy. At least this is in its early stage where barely anything has surfaced.



You're welcome dad!



So after we spent Christmas morning with my fam, we visited the much more normal side of our family, Al's side.

We arrived to find our stockings filled with all sorts of goodies.



(I was taking a picture of the stockings, not Al's butt, that was just an extra bonus.)

Oh my sweet little Albert was so excited to see that Santa left him a bottle of Highland Park. This is what Christmas is all about, to see the childrens' bright happy faces!



Now, if anyone has forgotten, our Christmas present from Al's parents was the best present ever, Hawaii! Hard to top that one.

The best part of our Christmas at the in-law's was watching the kids open their presents. Ava was adorable. Each time she opened a gift she made sure that someone took a picture of it. Each and every gift.




She was more into the unwrapping part, then the presents themselves. She'd open one and quickly dive into the next one.



See? I wasn't kidding. She opened all of my presents for me.



Colin and Jaxon made a haul!





Here's Clay sipping the yummy Sangria Cris made. I wish I had a picture of all the food too. The plan was to just have a few appetizers, but I've learned by now that Cris's "few" is most peoples "ton". So we had tons of food!



The plan was that each daughter in law was to bring an appetizer that we learned in the cooking classes we all have been taking from Marguerite; however one of us totally blew it. What a loser, what kind of inconsiderate idiot would show up to Christmas without her assigned appetizer?

Me.

Oops. I was planning on making this amazing Tiramisu that we learned in one of our cooking classes but for some reason I didn't realize that ALL grocery stores are closed on Christmas day. Who knew?

I felt so bad, I called Cris and told her what an idiot I was and of course she said she had plenty of food so not to worry about it. I then offered to bring champagne but of course she had that too so I showed up empty handed.

I totally suck. Sorry Cris. And everybody. I owe you all Tiramisu.



So Terry, Al's dad, was on call Christmas day so he wasn't able to show up until later (he's a vet) and as I was trying to get a picture of him helping Colin, Ava jumps up and yells "Take a picture of me!"



So of course I did. She's such a cheesball!



And I'd have to say the highlight of Christmas at the in-laws was watching Brandon try to get one of Ava's babies out of its package.



He thought he had it done until he turned the doll over to find a wire sticking out of its butt.




And I'm sure you can guess the jokes that were made at that poor doll's (and Brandon's) expense.



So there you go, that's the last you'll hear from me about Christmas I promise!

Well, until next year at least.



Peace out.