This is Not The Good Junk-in-the-Trunk Kind of Ghetto Folks!

Yeah, so a 64 year old woman was stabbed right across the street from my house yesterday!!


Between that and a friend's car getting broken into over the weekend, I officially live in the ghetto people.


Luckily my friend and his dog were over last night to protect me from the murderer on the loose. Isn't Gus adorable??? He's my new boyfriend.






And yes Lindee, being the annoying nosey neighbor I am, we went to investigate.


At midnight.


Of course.






We got nothing, all I got were these lousy pics. If you haven't heard, it was the stabbing of the Jazz owner's mother-in-law.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Isn't that awful?? I mean, that is someone's mother! Someone's grandma! I can't imagine that happening to someone in my family.


When tragedy like this happens so close to where you live, it freaks you out a bit, at least for normal people. I however just am not freaked out at all. Is that weird? I have a problem with worrying, I just don't worry enough.


Sometimes that can be taken the wrong way, like I just don't care. I do care, I just don't like to let things like that get to me.


Am I heartless? Anyone else have a problem with not worrying enough?

Team Eerie Nipple Guy? Palease.

I did it.


I saw New Moon. As I'm sure everyone else in the world did, and I'm going to blog about it. As I'm sure everyone else in the world is too.


I'm a follower, not a leader and I'm okay with that.


Now excuse me while I get my "Kate Gosselin" on and conduct my own interview by answering my own questions.


1. Did I like it? Yes.

2. Did I like it better than Twilight? Yes.

3. Do I think Edward has weird nipples? Yes.

4. Do I think Jacob has weird nipples? Hell No.

5. Did I like Jacob's wig? No.

6. Do I think that Jacob is beautiful and should be added to my "To Do" list? Yes.

7. Do I think that Jacob has a secret crush on me and is totally going to blow off Bella to come take me away to a secret house on the beach to spend many romantic nights staring into the sunset while professing his undying love for me? Hell Yes.

8. Do I think the hubster is okay with that? Of course.


Ok, raise your hand if you DID NOT switch to team Jacob after seeing that movie? You better not have your hand up.


Put your hand down DeAnna!


Edward is creepy, did you see his nipples? One is totally bigger than the other, how can you be pro eerie nipples?



If you had a choice between that and this:



Would you really choose eerie nipple guy? Didn't think so.


Still not convinced?! Okay lets compare.




















And...



















Okay, now that we are all on the same team, let's continue.


Bella was not so annoying in New Moon as she was in Twilight. There was far less tourettish blinking and twitching, however I'm pretty sick of seeing her lazy eye. I bet out of the 2 hour film, 1 1/2 hours were spent pausing 2 inches away from her face. I wanted to tape her eyelid to her eyebrow so it would open all the way.


I can't stand it when things aren't even. (Hence my nipple issue.)


After Edward left I don't think the movie portrayed her depression accurately. She just looked tired, that's all. And filming her in a chair staring out the window while the camera rotates around her to indicate the changing of seasons does not sit well with me.


And actually counting down the months on screen, October, November, December...come on people, you could come up with something better than that to show the passage of time.


Just sayin.


Bella's dad? LOVE HIM. I think they got his character right on.


Buggin:
Vampire eyes, can we please choose a little more subtle contact lens next time? That combined with the awful vampire makeup was over the top.


Don't you know the humans are not supposed to realize that the Cullins are vampires? Either the humans in this movie were just blind or they're all dumb asses not to realize they are surrounded by undead blood sucking vampires.


F'real.


And I'm not sure why Dakota Fanning was even in this movie.


That is all.


















Word.

Apparently I'm Mr. Rogers

I arrived home from work yesterday, like I do every day. Albert had beaten me home and was already standing in the kitchen reading the mail. As I set my purse down on the counter I noticed his shirt was unbuttoned and his wife beater was showing.


"Is that how you dressed for work today?" I asked.


"Yes. I'm very manly." He replied in his deep manly voice.


"You need to get rid of that wife beater to show off what little chest hair you have and maybe add a few gold chains." I smirked as I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him hello.


Just a regular day in the life. And just like every other day of the week we went to change out of our work clothes.


(I just realized that it sounds like this is leading to sex, but don't worry, that is not the point I am getting at. Please proceed.)


I change from my work attire into my home attire which includes a change of underwear. Alex notices what I'm doing and he looks at me as he is hanging up his shirt.


"You are like Mr. Rogers except with underwear." He claims.


"What?" I look at him in disbelief.


"Every day you come home and change out of your underwear into a new pair just like Mr. Rogers changes his sweaters!" He's now laughing at me wearing only his boxers and wife beater.


"I am NOT Mr. Rogers!" I demand.


(See, no sex is happenin here. Mr. Rogers isn't exactly a turn on.)


Ok, let me explain. I have different underwear that I wear for different things throughout my day. For work I have to wear a thong so that there are no panty lines in my work pants and skirts. Completely understandable right?



For home, I want to be comfy so I change out of the thong into a regular pair. Who wants to have wedgie all day long?


Well besides Lady Gaga.


Then I go to the gym. When I get home from the gym I change again. You don't want to spend the rest of the day in your gym clothes right? So I change my underwear too, which is now my third pair of the day.


Is that so wrong?


And obviously Albert has never watched Mr. Rogers otherwise he would know that he only changes his sweater once, not twice.


So you see, I'm not like Mr. Rogers AT ALL.


Fricken Bert!

Queertastic!

This past weekend was one of my favorite times of the year.


The Utah Pride Festival!



This is a 3 day festival in celebration of gay, lesbian, transgender, & bisexual individuals. For us who have gay or lesbian family members and friends, we come together and join in the festivities and educational activities to show our support. You will never see a more diverse group of people come together like this anywhere else. At least I haven't!






Sunday is the biggest day of the event where they have a parade in the morning and various concerts throughout the day. I have to admit that I have missed the parade every year because I sleep in.

Come on, it's the weekend, that's what I do best!




But I hear it is queertastic! Now I'm warning you now, if you can't handle pictures of half naked men and girl on girl action, this post is not for you! Okay so holding hands is about all I found for the girl on girl action, but still. I also need to warn you that you will see mullets.

Yes. Mullets.

Alright here is some hand holding and mullet goodness all in one pic! Take it all in folks, that mullet is classic!




Classic.

Girls, there is eye candy everywhere! And your husbands can't even feel threatened because they are all gay. (The eye candy, not your husbands. At least I hope your husbands aren't gay, if they are then you have a serious case of fruit blindness and you should probably get that checked at your next eye appointment. Just sayin.)






Lindee (lil sis) and Logan (lil sis's son) got in on all the action, but I don't think Logan had as much fun...I have no idea why not.




There was one thing missing though...their asses!




Seriously, where did they all go?






Maybe this has something to do with it.




I kid, I kid! And I can kid because Lin and I are tight with the gay folk. They love us and we love them even more.






And like I said, there were all types of gays there. The flamboyant ones.




And some that were still in the closet. (If you can't read this guys shirt, it says "Nobody Knows I'm Gay" Ha! I love it!)




Even the pets were gay.




I feel bad that I had to leave my gay kitties at home. They don't do well in public and like to keep their lifestyle private, but they sent their love.

Now look at this beautiful Mastiff. I saw this dog and about died, he reminded me so much of my sweet Bain! And when I heard his familiar deep bark I almost cried, I love Mastiffs!






Now my favorite booth to visit every year is the GLDS. Of course this booth is not supported by the LDS (mormon) church, but it's a booth to show support for gays and lesbians that are or were LDS.




My favorite thing to look at is the missionary map. Anyone who is gay or lesbian and went on an LDS mission come to put a little flag on the state or country where they served. The map is always so full of flags that you can hardly see the map underneath! Unfortunately I couldn't find it this year so I don't have a pic for you.




I'm not one to get offended, I understand people have their own beliefs and feelings about issues such as this so I'm open to hearing your opinions. I don't judge, I'd just like to know what everyone else thinks and since this has been a popular subject in the news lately I just wanna know,


What's your view on this lifestyle? Do you support gay marriage?


Come on, spill it!

I Left My Handcart At Home

You wanna get some good exersize? Go to Vegas with Dear Albert. I guess I first need to clear up some confusion that I have caused about my hubster's name. I refer to him as many different things:



Hubster
Alex
Al
Albert
Bert
Mother Effer



Ok, I just threw that last one in there for fun, I actually call him Father Effer, I'm not THAT mean people! So there you have it now you know all those names are referring to the same person. Now back to the Vegas exersize.


Saturday May 16th 2009
The following events take place between 11:00 am and 4:00 pm

1. At the Caesar's Palace Forum shops, Albert buys pants for his sexy booty.

2. Albert buys a drink for his thirsty throat.

3. We catch a cab over to The Coca-Cola Factory

See these two? They are the very proud parents of my husband Al and his brother Brandon. (Clay is their son too but he didn't go Vegas)




Alex and his brother have a very special relationship, they love each other so much. They even have pet names for each other, every time I hear Alex calling Brandon on the phone, I hear "Biiiiiiiiiiiitch!" in a loud high pitched voice. That's how I know he's talking to Brandon. Isn't that the sweetest?




So Brandon thought it'd be hilarious to make his mean older brother drink hairspray. He challenged Al to taste the coke products around the world and if he drank the one that tasted like hairspray, Brandon agreed he'd pay for the tasting.





Most of them weren't bad at all, until Mr. Hairspray showed up.












But he finished it! (With a little help!)












4. Then we moseyed on over to the M&M store. Trying to get the guys to pose for a picture was like pulling teeth! That's why I am so grateful for Cris who posed whenever I demanded it of her. (never mind my death threats)










And of course we had to buy bags of M&Ms from the M&M wall!! My favorite?




Peanut Butter!






I fell in love and totally felt up Mr. Red M&M guy. You see that look on Albert's face? Total jealousy. I pretty much had to separate the two from fighting over me. Geez I hate it when two guys fight over me, talk about embarrassing!




5. After we walked out of the M&M store into the 102 degree Las Vegas weather, Alex realized he didn't have his sunglasses. And of course these aren't just any sunglasses, they are his Versace sunglasses.




When it comes to fashion I think Alex was meant to be a girl and I the boy. I hate shopping and try to find the cheapest crap I can get while Al buys all the name brand nicest shit he can. (Ok, in most instances it's because they are the only clothes that fit him, but still!) The sunglasses I was wearing cost me 10 bucks so I bet his Versace glasses had to be like 15 or 20 bucks at least! :o)




(If you can't tell, Al and I are both trying to grab some booby in the above pic)

So after he said something like "bleeper bleepin sunglasses bleep bleep bleeper!" He had basically given up on ever finding the damn, oops, I mean bleepin sunglasses again. But you know what we did? We walked and walked and walked in the 102 degree weather back to Caesar's Palace Forum Shops. Let's just say we all didn't feel guilty about eating our M&Ms after that.




When we finally made it into the shops we were all drenched in sweat and about 30 pounds lighter, except for cute Sharon, I think she would disappear if she lost 30 pounds! So we went to check the store where Al bought his pants which was like 10 miles away on the other side of the shops.

Those shop hallways remind me of intestines, they are all cramped in there like a little maze and if you could stretch them out they would go on forever! Do you feel sorry for us yet?


So after walking for what it seemed like 5 hours, we reached the shop. Did we find some sunglasses there?

Yes.

Were they Albert's sunglasses?

No.

Luckily, as an after thought, we checked the little drink stand where Al bought a drink after he bought his pants and guess what? They had his sunglasses.




And all is well with the world once again! See Al? Don't just give up on a $200 pair of sunglasses are you kidding me? You fight for those suckers!


Lesson learned.


But I don't think our feet have quite recovered.