Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Fantasy Footballs

That hubster of mine is one of those fantasy football players. He's the Bud Light Real Men of Genius Fantasy Football Manager Guy.

I'm so proud.

Anyway, Albert and his other really tough & brawny fantasy football buddies got together last Saturday night to spend 4 hours sitting on their asses bidding on players for their fake football teams. It's what they like to call The Draft. Sounds fun, really.

The Draft is a huge event that Albert starts planning a year in advance so I wanted to contribute this year so I decided to make some football shaped sugar cookies. Score points for me on my Bree Van De Kamp journey!

I have been looking for the best sugar cookie recipe, the kind that are nice and soft and the kind that DO NOT have that gross lemon flavor to them. Well, I found it. These things are deadly; you will eat the whole batch if you're not careful. This is the best sugar cookie recipe I have found and lucky for you, I'm here to share it!

(Warning, my footballs turned out horrid and ugly but they tasted delicious! I suck at footballs. And life.)

First thing you do is pick out your baking music, I have kept a selection of goodies here for you to choose from. For this occasion, I chose The Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. Great CD!

Second, you will need to get out all this crap:

In a large bowl, cream together shortening, sugar, eggs, and vanilla.

Like dis:

Next, add the dry ingredients. I like to mix the dry ingredients together first in a separate bowl so all the salt and soda get to know the flour first. Or whatever.

Then I add those dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix.

The dough should look like dis:

Now add the sour cream (Oooooh, secret ingredient!!!)

Stir the dough until is starts pulling away from the sides of the bowl like dis:

Cover and chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes.

On a floured surface, roll out dough to about 1/8 inch thickness. You can make them a little thicker if you like bigger cookies.

Use desired cookie cutter, mine of course was a football.

Place cookies on an ungreased baking sheet and bake in a 375 degree oven for 8 minutes.

Now this is the important part because you don't want to over cook them. When you pull them from the oven they will not quite look done. THIS IS OKAY, do not leave them in the oven any longer than 8 minutes. They should look like dis:

Cool cookies completely before frosting.

Okay now I also found this great frosting recipe, you can either use this or just buy some cream cheese frosting already made. Whichever you prefer.

To make good frosting, you've GOT to cream the butter first.

And then add the remaining ingredients, milk, powdered sugar & vanilla. Just check out this frosting, it's so yummy!

Now here is where I began my downfall. I needed to turn this white frosting into brown frosting for my footballs. Seems easy enough right? Just add red and green food coloring and you'll get brown right? Easy.

Well, not so much. I used the rest of my red and green food coloring and this is as brown as it got:

Not quite what I was going for but I was determined NOT to use chocolate frosting on these cookies so I had to make do. And here is where they turn really ugly, frosting the cookies.

Yes I am aware it looks like puke or poop, but I promise they taste delicious! When frosting these things you really want to use a bit more frosting then usual. Trust me, there's no such thing as too much frosting on a sugar cookie the last thing you want is for them to be dry.

Then I had to add my 3 little white stripy things to make them look like footballs. I can't even do that right. Straight lines? Not possible with my shaky hands. So here is the final result:

Not the prettiest things but they were so fricken delicious; I think I ate a dozen by myself. So be careful!

And here are both recipes written out in full for you to copy:

The Best Sugar Cookie Recipe Ever

1 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
½ tsp. vanilla
3 cups flour
½ tsp. soda
½ tsp. salt
1 tsp baking powder
½ cup sour cream (you can use yogurt or buttermilk also)

Cream shortening, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Add dry ingredients and sour cream. Mix well. Cover bowl and chill dough at least 30 minutes. On floured surface, roll out to 1/8 inch thickness. Cut into desired shapes. Place on ungreased cookie sheets. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 8 minutes. Do not over bake!

Makes 4-5 dozen

Sugar Cookie Frosting:

4 cups confectioners' sugar
½ cup shortening (or butter)
5 tablespoons milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
food coloring

In a large bowl, cream shortening until smooth. Add the confectioners' sugar and mix again until smooth. Gradually mix in the milk and vanilla with an electric mixer until smooth and stiff, about 5 minutes. Color with food coloring if desired.

Don't forget your aprons! I was sporting this one:

With nothing underneath of course.


Kathy B! said...

So where are the pics of you in the apron?!

That sounds like a wonderful and versatile sugar cookie recipe. NExt time I have to cart a bazillion cookies to the school I'm coming back for that one...

Kasey Hunt said...

Those sound so good!! What a good wife you are. That apron is so cute!

Lee said...

Those cookies turned out so cute, you are such a June Cleaver!! Sounds like a great if I only baked. And, my idea of fantasy football is to have to watch no Sunday or Monday football for at least ONE season!!

THE Stephanie said...

You're so silly!! They look great!! I think the brown is perfect and they look just like footballs, seriously!!

I'm totally making these for the Cowboys season kickoff game!! YAY!!!

Anonymous said...

YUMMY!! And the apron is beyond adorable!

Rebecca Jo said...

Holy cow girl... you made those from scratch... AND you took pictures to blog about it... you're my hero!

Pricilla said...

I think your cookies are lovely.

And I suspect Julia would have been all over photos of you in that would have spiced up her blog. She would have surely acquired more male readers.

Julia said...

You totally went Betty Crocker on us!!!! Yeah.

Now you must remember that emblazoned in my mind are the *penguins* Suzi made and the *black* frosting from a certain cake. You're brown footballs are golden in comparison. I'd eat a dozen.

I can eat something that may look like poo, just as long as it doesn't turn up IN my poo...

Barely Domestic Mama said...

What an awesome wife you are! Those cookies look yummy and adorable! And now I am saving the recipe to try. I love cookies! :)

Marissa said...

I've been searching my whole life (ok maybe just a few years) for the best sugar cookie recipe too! I'll have to give this one a whirl. And OMG, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Real Men of Genius "blips" from Bud Light. We used to sit at work and listen to them online... WHILE we were working, of course ;o)

Kristina P. said...

You might as well be a Mormon. :)

confused homemaker said...

Good cookies, but not sure I want to put crap in them :P

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Ok I was going to aske for a picture of you in the apron then I read the last part. Lucky hubby cookies and a hot lady in the kitchen :)

Those cookies rock, I so want some. Love the cutter too, Rick would die if I made these I may just have ot :)

Jen said...

Oh how cute!

Suzi said...

Hey, you lied to me! Those turned out WAY better than those poor pathetic penguins. Did you know that if you go to Micheal's Craft Store they probably have brown dye or you could have added some unsweetened cocoa powder.

Amy said...

I think they turned out so cute. Now I want cookies....

Tremayne and Dellany Higby said...

DOMESTICATION OVERLOAD! You are cute, knock it off already! hehe You go poober

y u l z said...

Now I really need to have a new oven especially when the festive month is in 2 weeks + I've found lotsa delicious reciepe from my bloggy friend.

The final and last paragraph tells why those cookies are so yummy hahaha

WhisperingWriter said...

*Swipes some cookies*



I would just wear that apron with nothing underneath but it might alarm my children..

Anonymous said...

Well aren't you just Betty-freaking-Crocker?!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I might kiss you for a fabulous sugar cookie recipe. Seriously! YUM. I think they look cute - once you put the white stripes on, it doesn't look like poo at all.

p.s. if you use almond extract instead of vanilla, you'd be mimicking the icing from a locally famous bakery around here. It may sound weird, but it is heavenly. (you just have to taste-test to see how much to put it, which is really hard - all that icing is just not fun to taste!)

blueviolet said...

My Christmas cookie recipe uses sour cream and I swear it's magical and it does keep the cookies very soft!

Lee said...

Hey, I think those are really cute!

But I've never laughed so hard at a recipe.
You were just so...

TMI Tara said...

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm a bad e-friend. I haven't been to say hi for waay too long! anyway, I just want to tell you that I love Black-Eyed Peas. And I love Project Runway. And I love that apron. Also, I see that you got a new laptop. I'm starting a digi scrap class the first week in Oct. You mentioned awhile ago that you would want to come learn if I did a class. So I'm just letting you know that the day has arrived. I'll be doing a class in Salt Lake to help your commute. Let me know if you want more details! Maybe then we could become REAL friends instead of just stalker friends? It IS a dream of mine!!

African American Mom said...

What cute cookies! Commando in the steallng that idea once I finish my apron. I am such a procrastinator.

Tricia said...

I think those footballs look great. Anyway, thanks for the recipe, I'll be back next time I need a good recipe.

Heather said...

Those are the low fat version right?

Okay good, I'll make them. ;)

Queenie Jeannie said...

I think they look fabulous lil Sis!!! Really! Now I'm going to delete this memory because I can't have any, lol!

Stephanie Faris said...

I think they look adorable. The important thing was, they tasted good. I'm sure the men didn't care how they looked anyway.

Aleta said...

I never would have thought they looked like that until you said it! Hehe. Can't make 'em though... Greg is diabetic :(


You are just so dang creative!

Nana said...

Are you sure those aren't turds?

I am just giving you a hard time. I think they are adorable actually!

The recipe also sounds great,but it is obvious you have not been paying attention to my blog. I have the best Sugar Cookie Recipe ever.

Fluffy as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway I think your footballs are great.

Frogs in my formula said...

You put wives like me to shame.

John and Rachael Alexander said...

Love the footballs... I think they looked perfect! you are quite the cook!

Justine said...

Look at you, going all Betty Crocker and shit! I don't think they turned out ugly at all! If you like the look of a football in the first place, which I don't.

Jimmy used to do that fantasy football thing. I'm so glad he hasn't mentioned it this year.

You rock the apron, girl!

Justine :o )

ChicagoLady said...

I think the cookies turned out great! Much better than I could have done, for sure. And being men, they never noticed what they looked like, just that they tasted good.

LadyStyx said...

Damn. I gained 10 pounds just READING the ingredients! *sigh*

Megan said...

I've never understood that fantasy football stuff. Whatever. I don't like football anyway.

But good job on the cookies! They look better than you think they do! Yummy!! =D

Kristin said...

OH YUM. Yeah, the hubs told me the other night that he would need to be on the computer uninterrupted for a couple of hours, during which time he could not be a parent. Ahhhhhh men.