Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Universe, Are You Trying to Tell Me Something?

Stupid stuff.

I do so much stupid stuff and so much stupid stuff just happens to me all the time. I think the Universe does this to make up for my lucky streaks like winning concert tickets and massage chairs.

Case in point.

Monday morning, I'm getting ready in my get ready room (you know the room next to the bedroom that usually is the baby's room? No baby, hence my get ready room) Now let me set up the situation here for you. When I get out of the shower I stay wrapped in my towel while I do my hair and my makeup, getting dressed is the last thing I do before I walk out the door. And just in case you're wondering, no I am NOT Kristina's naked neighbor, I keep my blinds closed thank you very much!

So I'm sitting in my get ready chair, wrapped in a towel mind you, and curling the back of my hair with my big fat curling iron. I'm using my right hand to hold the iron in my hair when somehow it decides to jump out of my hand. While it has detached itself from my hand, it is still attached to my hair so instead of falling to the floor, it lands on my chest. At the very same time my towel bails out and hits the floor ducking for cover, or so it says, but we both know my towel was in on the nasty prank and and did this on purpose.

Stupid towel.

As the iron starts burning a big fat groove into my boob I'm thinking in my head that I've gotta get this iron off my chest before it is permanently embedded in my skin. So I grab it with my hand, not by the handle mind you, but of course I grab the burning hot portion of the iron which relieves the burning from my chest by transferring the searing pain to my hand.

Finally my smarter left hand steps in and grabs the iron by the handle and releases it from my hair. Now I'm sitting there in shock and confused about what just happened. I run into the bedroom where my hubster was still sleeping and try to explain what had just happened and he holds back his laughter as he comforts me.

Now I have a beautiful purple looking burn on my chest with one on my hand to match. I think I better stick to my heavenly straightner and leave the curling iron alone from now on.

But I believe everything happens for a reason and the good thing from this situation is that my finger tips on my right hand may be permanently smooth and free of fingerprints. I've decided this is another sign from God that I have a higher calling, a hit-woman.

So if anyone needs a "hand" in any "situation", I'm your gal. My rates are reasonable and I gaurantee 100% satisfaction or your money back.


135 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Between me and my boil, and your boob burn, we seem to be doing really well.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

LOL you crack me up, super cute blog!

Stopping by from SITS, Alexis @ Running AWAY :)

Marissa said...

I learned a similar lesson about curling irons. Last time I used one I gave myself a nice burn on my neck because I wasn't paying attention, then had to spend the next week or so explaining to people that it WASN'T a hicky and in fact WAS a burn. We should have learned our lessons in the 80s after many forehead burns from curling our bangs!!

Rebecca Jo said...

Sounds like your morning products turned against you! The curling iron AND the towel!!!! And to have a husband holding back laughter... I would have stuck the hot iron under the covers... stop that laughing quick!

Bee and Rose said...

OUCH! I did this to my boob once...not a pretty sight on my old boobs!

Feel better soon!

Nana said...

You and Kristina should join the Circus. I hear they need new stuff in the freak show.

Call Me Cate said...

I may take you up on your offer. I have a project manager that could use some, umm, fingerprint-free encouragement.

Wehrle said...

OUCH! I hate burns! I am sure Lance would have never let me hear the end of that so good for your hubby to stop his laughing, even though I am sure it was hard!!

Staci said...

sorry about your hand and boob maaan

but. That. was. AWEEEESOOOME.

Tommy boy!

im dying...im sorry .....

blueviolet said...

Oh no, you're wounded! Those electronic devices are too complicated for you. Stop it.

Blogalicious Designs said...

I'm not laughing. Really. That was not the least bit funny.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, sorry. That just slipped out.

~Steph

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! Just trying to keep it real and make ya laugh ... LOL

Yaya said...

Oh my gosh, OUCH!

Sorry, I know it must have been painful for you, but the visual replay made me laugh....

TMI Tara said...

Yikes you've got the blog world thinking of some pretty interesting images!.... You naked in your get ready room with a boob burn. TMI, girl! ;o)

Megan said...

OMGoodness!!! OUCH!!!!!!!! *snicker* OUCH!!!!!!!! Your poor boob and poor hand! *snicker*

Lindsey said...

My mouth kept gapping open bigger and bigger as I read through your story. YOUR POOR BOOB!! and your hands... but you've got a new job from no fingerprints... what about your boob?! Maybe you can model for people against plastic surgery and make up a story that is what happened. I'm rambling lame stuff. Sorry about the boobo and hand!

Suzi said...

I think the forces of nature are trying to tell you something. What, I'm not sure, but somehting. Hope your burns feel better.

Ben and Ash said...

Boobie burn?! YIKES!!!

heathersister said...

Girl, I know it's not funny, but it's funny. Did Al kiss it and make it all better? (Sorry). I am snorting. (Sorry again). I hope it feels better soon. It's almost Friday, you can go braless for the weekend!

Michelle said...

You paint a great picture of this awkward and painful event! I knew there was a reason I got dressed before anything else, thanks for reminding me of it! LOL

Orr's said...

Nooooo, not the boob! That stuff does happen to you alot. I would like to be your first customer and you can come over and kill my neighbors dogs... what? Well ok you don't have to kill them but you need to make them not poop in my yard.

Lyndsay said...

Is it wrong that I am just excited than someone else has luck like this? Oh, it is that wrong. On that note, bummer dude.

dani said...

Just start saying "look what I can do" prior to each stupid stunt. You and your boob could make millions.

angie said...

I think every woman has had curling iron burns, but on the boob?! Ouch.

LadyStyx said...

Oh man *giggles* I know, not funny. I dont think I ever burned myself with a curling iron; always was afraid I would though.

Donnetta said...

OOOOOOO - Girl, this could NOT have come at a better time!!

Go HERE!

http://aubsfamfive.blogspot.com/2009/03/maid-of-honor-x-2-headache.html

She MAY need your hit man, I mean hit woman, services!

Jamie said...

I've burnt myself so many times with my curling iron that I don't even use it anymore...Creeps me out actually.

Julia said...

That is cute story. Not the part about the getting burned but the finger prints...way to tie it all together for a great post!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Oh my goodness, Pooba! I cringed reading this post. Are you OK? Seriously, I think you need to take the rest of the week off of work and blog about your recovery.

Oh, and drink plenty of red wine to take the pain away.

-Francesca

PS: The comment that you left on my entourage post was without a doubt the funniest one I have received. EVER.

nikkicrumpet said...

*SNORT* You are such a dork. Not that we haven't all had one of those curling iron drive by moments. I hope your smarter left hand starts takin control of your life more often.

Tracey said...

OMG!! I am laughing sooooo hard right now!!! I found your blog from Kristina's....so glad I did!

Hugs!
Tracey

ChicagoLady said...

Wow, what a story! I'd tell you I didn't laugh while reading it, but I'd be lying. I'll have to keep an eye for those magical flying curling irons. They sound really dangerous.

Monkeys ARDently In Sinc said...

I got your link from Mammarazi's favorite things - cute swap bag!
Your blog is funny, your stories great, and your design is adorable!
Sorry about the burns, but thanx for making me smile with the story!

Lee said...

I'm sorry you burned your boob.
Maybe you should suck it up and burn the rest of your finger prints off.
Then you could do some awesome crime.

Synergy Girl said...

This is the best post EVER!! It reminds me of the time when I was blow-drying my hair...al-e-nude...and I heard a little voice, thinking it was one of my young kids...and I stand up, and give my poor neighbor a full body blast of nudity...Funny thing was that she was the mortified one...come to find out she had come over cause my two year old had rang her doorbell in his underoos...ya, I am ghetto sometimes...what can I say?? This also reminds me of the other time when I used a curling iron to do my bangs....which I never do...but it was on, and I was in a hurry. Well, needless to say, I kept forgetting that the dumb thing was hot....all the way around, and kept burning my stupid forhead...not once, or twice, but over and over...Stupid, Stupid...stupid...

Cairo Typ0 said...

Congrats on your SITS day, Pooba!! :)

So how did your career as an international hit woman go? 'Cause if you're still available... :p

Alicia said...

OUCH! I once burned my boob with a popcorn kernel...weird story...don't ask! happy SITS day!

the girl said...

I honestly thought I was the only one who had had a curling wand mishap! After reading this, (and the comments, too!) I think we need to compile some sort of Curling Wand Hall Of Shame... You know, for those days...

And if the hit woman career doesn't work out, there's always master jewel thief to consider.

xo

MrsM said...

Too funny! Well, painful...but funny too. I had many similar issues with curling irons, until I had kids. I have three kids and it's been approximately 5 years since I've used one...now only the oven burns me! LOL

Mindy said...

Hahahaha! Checking in from China. Thanks for sharing! Came over from SITS. Just think, you can now have a cool strip-club name... "SCARR"!!!

Mindy
Adopt a 'Do - Cute Girls Hairstyles

Yaya said...

Haha! Still funny!

Hans and Shinta viĆ° Neyst said...

I love how you can still find humor in this! I'm so sorry bout the burn though...

Becky @ Our Sweet Peas said...

I think we are sisters! My husband hardly reacts to my screams from the kitchen and bathroom anymore after 6 years of marriage. I am always either cutting my finger or burning myself somewhere. It is a gift, I say!

Helen McGinn said...

Ooh! Don't like! Tong burns are painFUL. I don't have any 'hits' just yet but I'll keep you in mind for future reference. ;O)
xx

Pam said...

OUCH! I've burned my neck and ear with a curling iron and that was bad enough. Can't imagine the pain if one of the "girls" got burned. Yowza!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Ow! Burned boob beats burned neck (which I've done!) any time!

Joy said...

Where have you been all my life? You slay me lady.

SITS feature day - woot!

Kris said...

Wow!! That sounds painful..but I'm glad you shared so the rest of the world could get a chuckle at the way you wrote it!

Robin said...

Call it karma; call it God's will....I think your curling iron incident may be directly related to your shampoo and conditioner situation. :-)

Creative Junkie said...

Ouch! Hope you heal everywhere!

I can't do the towel thing - my body was not meant to have anything wrapped around it - that what I keep telling my husband, at least.

Mel said...

Oh my gosh, sounds like something I would do....LOL. Sounds painful!

Mighty M said...

Major OUCH!

Ri. Short for Maria. Not pronounced like the bread. said...

Hmmm...was this a day that you used DH's shampoo and conditioner, perhaps?

Christy said...

Ouch! I feel your pain!

Tricia said...

Sounds like some of my mornings... AHHH!!!

Cher said...

Look at you lookin' on the bright side. Good for you....the world needs more people like you! :)

Laura said...

Ouch!

Superjaxster said...

Oh OW! Nothing more shocking than getting burned in the morning!

sandy said...

I'm so sorry that I'm laughing at you! Ouch!

Michelle said...

OH you poor thing. Now where's the picture ?????

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

I'm so sorry! I've had similar stuff happen - but I've been dressed so it was only my hand that got nailed! And of course -hubby just tried to comfort me all the while holding back laughter! Dang men & Dang curling irons!

B.o.B. said...

Happy SITS Day! AND HILARIOUS story. So to laugh at your pain but that was too funny.

James' Mommy said...

You (and Kristina) are too funny!

allycupe said...

Love the curling iron story! I still have a burn on my chin from grade 8 trying to achieve "mall hair"!

Sheryl said...

I want a "get ready room". Anyway, I have burned my shoulders from dropping the curling iron on them, and I have a permanent scar on my forehead - right in the middle. I always seem to get the curling iron too close. Stupid curling iron.

Shanda said...

I mostly manage to drop my curling iron in such a way that it looks like I've got a nasty hickey! Hopefully you will recover fully!!

Enjoy the SITSta love!

Controlling My Chaos said...

I too, am dangerous with a curling iron. They are from the devil.

Composing Hallelujahs said...

wonderfully funny. :) happy sits day!

Rebecca is Thrilled by the Thought said...

Lol. It's tragic, but I'm laughing anyway. You're a great story teller! Happy SITS Day!

Norine said...

Stopping by from SITS.
Enjoy your day.
Norine

Lizz said...

Yikes! The only place I ever burned was my forehead when BIG bangs were it.

Little Miss Baker said...

Oh you mean this kind of morning is stupid? I have these like everyday! haha you poor thing. But reallly, I do have these types of mornings ALOT. Maybe we are accident prone chicks!?

Robbie S. Redmon, LPC said...

Got to be more careful! LOL

Brandy said...

I had that kind of weekend. Thank goodness I stayed away from the hot appliances. Ouch!

Mary at My New 30 said...

Hmmm... this sounds strikingly familiar - like a deja vu. I'm certain I've lived through a very familiar experience. Though I did/do not have, but I do like the idea of, a "gettin' ready room."

Happy SITS feature day!!

Aubrey said...

Ain't that a bitch!! LOL

I need a get ready room. Hmmm....

JG said...

I wait to get dressed until the last minute, too. Gives me time to cool off after a shower. But I've had those moments, too. My husband calls me "his Bella," like Bella the accident-prone heroine of Twilight.

Tonya said...

That is hilarious! Loved it! I've done a similar thing with the oven!

Mira said...

I want a 'getting ready room!' How do I get one? Certainly not by living in my current ancient house. Ah well. Hope the burns healed well!

Jessica said...

I'm impressed you have a routine. I'm all over the place. Some days I'm up and dressed THEN do my makeup. Some days I'm in my towel while I put on my face, etc. It's willy nilly. I'm just happy to get dressed and look presentable every - er - most days.

carma said...

further confirmation of why I avoid curling irons ;-)

Pricilla said...

It is stories like this that make me glad I am a goat.

Happy SITS day!

NYC Mama said...

Hmmm, so you mean all I have to do is burn the skin off the tips of my fingers and I'll be free to . . . Uhm, nevermind. :-D

BlogBaby said...

Smooth.

Try not to drink and curl next time, k?

What??? Don't tell me you were stone cold sober during this incident?

How is that even possible? ;)

BlogBaby

Teresha and Damon said...

LOL! I'm not laughing at you, but with you because I did the same thing last month except I burned my neck at the nape...badly. My husband just laughed too while he applied ointment to my wound because he is used to the dumb stuff that happens to me ALL the time. :-)
HAPPY SITS DAY girlie!

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

pretty funny - I always seem to get the tips of my ears!

Danemama08 said...

I have had this happen to me many a time, ok thats not totally true, I dont think I have ever burned my boob with the curling iron. But I have burned my ear, my neck my toe, my eyebrow, my hand, oh yea and once my belly!

stupid universe!

Brooke said...

Or it could be worse and you could have been curling someone elses hair and looked away thinking you were still curling it then you hear blood curdling screams and you look down and realize the curling iron was sitting on there bare shoulder which now they have a huge huge scar.... Hm.

Marrdy said...

Too too funny. See this is why I get dressed..well, mostly dressed, prior to picking up those skin melting curling irons! Hope your boob has recovered.

Holly Noelle said...

OWWW! I would cry so hard if that happened to me. Currently I own neither a curling iron nor straightener so I'm safe...for now.

Kristin said...

Congrats on being queen SITSa! This same thing happened to my friend if you can beleive it! A burned boob- OUCH!!!

Katie said...

Oh my goodness, girl, I feel your pain. I know those curlin iron burns hurt! I hope it is better now! And I hope you are having a great SITS day!

Karen MEG said...

Sorry for laughing through your burn, but you are too, too funny!

I've been thinking about a curling iron, maybe I should think again.

Hope you got your fingerprints back, seriously I do...

Here from SITS! Love it!

Cammie said...

ohhh, thanks for the laugh at your expense!

Bullygrrl said...

I want a get ready room! Hope your burns heal quickly!

Kara said...

I cut the tip of my pinkie with an apple corer many years ago. Eventually the fingerprints came back. So if you are going to be a hit-woman, you better act fast!

Kristin said...

Too funny. I definitely got a sheet of cookies out of the oven the other day with now pot holder. Genius. What I wouldn't give for a gettin' ready room! Happy SITS day!

Tranquility said...

Oh my gosh - this sounds like something I would do!!

Rebecca said...

Ouch! You mean that room next to the bedroom is for a baby??? I thought it was put their to 'get ready' that's what I use it for!!1

Jen said...

Ouch! I used to have a really big hot curling iron and was always burning myself. Once I burned my neck and it looked like a really bad hickie. No matter how much I protested that is what people thought it was.

Anita said...

Ouch, I feel like such a klutz when this happens.
I liked to your heavenly flat iron......wow, pink and nice. Not sure I'd have been willing to fork over the $$, but I'm sure it's nice.
Stopping by from SITS.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Yee-ouch!! Good luck with your higher calling. I'll be in touch. ;)

Camille said...

ha! too funny! It's time like these that I'm grateful for my lack of boobage. Hmmm.. but then the curling iron would probably find the love handles to rest on... Love the post! Happy Sits day! :)

piecemeal people said...

You know, my mom was just telling me the other day that she singed off a giant chunk of her hair with her curling iron recently...those things are (apparently) several tragic accidents just waiting to happen.

Jessica said...

Owwwiee!!

confessionsofacountrygirl said...

I've burnt myself enough with my curling iron that I no longer use mine....It's collecting dust as I type this.

Misty said...

I feel so bad for you getting burned...But...That is a funny funny story...I can see it all happening! So glad I stopped by your blog!

Amy said...

Now that was funny, but I guess it was not to you. sorry :)

Mama Kat said...

OUCH!!! I still don't understand how you managed to let go of the curling iron...must have been SOME curling technique you were using. But still...ouch.

Mikki Black said...

Wow. That sounds like it's about as much fun as deciding it's a good idea to take a pan out of the oven without using oven mitts. Not that I've done that or anything. That would be careless and silly of me. Ok, I've done it. Ok, I've done it several times. -sigh-

Congrats on your SITS feature!

Rachael said...

Gah, boob burn! Bad! Happy SITS day!

Delectable Dining said...

Poor thing! I think after a start like that, I'd lock myself in the house!

Tiffany said...

Uh - yeah, I basically had that same thing happen to me not that long ago. Of course, I was smart enough not to BLOG about it!

Days of Whine & Noses said...

that sounds very painful!

stopping by from SITS!

{Katie Lane} said...

That must have hurt so bad, hope you healed well. And way to turn it into humor!!

Jen said...

Ow! Stupid curling iron. You know its all his fault.

Mama Mair said...

I can feel the pain. So far, hair is no good - first it's the shampoo now it's the iron. Shaved heads is the way to go.
Happy SITS day!

Anne said...

OW!! Oh man, I don't even want to think about that kind of pain happening so early in the morning!

greedygrace said...

OUCH!

I need to utilize my extra room and make it a get ready room!

jeanine said...

I wish I had a get ready room !!! We've got a useless formal living room ... and a dining room that ends up being just a horizontal surface to throw mail on ... but no get ready room !

Jeannie Finelli, RN said...

Should you give me a hand, I'd prefer your smarter left hand :)

D2the4thPower said...

LOL, this totally sounds like something I would do!

Stopping by from SITS! Congrats on being the FB!

aforestfrolic said...

Ouchie Poo...my husband would laugh at me too. Wait, are we married to the same man? If I get to your next fb post and it sounds like him, I may need to get your # and give you a call ;-)

Jamie :)

Mercedes said...

What is sad is that I have had almost the exact same thing happen to me. Luckily my husband wasn't there at the time to make funny of me.
Welcome to SITS! We are excited to have you!

The Redhead Riter said...

I'm SOOOO LUCKY because I don't need flat irons, curlers, perms or curling irons...say it together, "She's got NATURAL curls." Three minutes in the morning and TAA DAA!

But, I am not compassionless because I am klutzy as hell, so I know how bad that burn felt. Did it scar you like everything scars me?

Don't ya' love SITS?!

Rbarakat said...

You are so funny - that stuff always happens to me too! Stay away from those hot appliances! LOL

Lindsey said...

Definitely been there, done that, just... not exactly like that. But I can definitely empathize!
Also, since you've a higher calling, do you uh... take dogs? I've got a neighbor with some seriously annoying small dogs. Just sayin...

{leah} said...

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that gets attacked by curling iorns.

the planet of janet said...

those things are against my religion. so i guess i'm safe.

K said...

I always hurt myself in stupid ways too.

Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Astrid said...

Thanks for the great laugh!!!

Happy SITS day!

(oh boy...have I done some stupid stuff lately too!)

(army)Wife said...

Hmmm...your curling iron and my curling iron must be in kahootz because mine did something very very similar.

Mimi said...

Owie, did you get a big boobie blister???

shortmama said...

LOL and OUCH!

MochaTrina said...

Once I thought it would save time to iron my shirt with it still on. Needless to say, I had a lot of explaining to do to Dr. Bhakta.