I Am SO Dead

As I mentioned in my last post, I have to pay Albert in order to post this story. That's right, my husband threatened to sue me. No joke. It's that lawyer slowly creeping out from inside of him. Oh why God? Why Law School?


This story was just too good not to post so I agreed to his terms, although we are still in negotiation. I won't even tell you the ridiculous amount he is charging for this story.


Of course I'm going to tell you the ridiculous amount. He wants $2,500 just for this one story! I told him that his whole life story isn't worth that much. I demanded that if I did pay him anything close to that amount, that I would get to post naked pictures of him on the Internet too.

I haven't received his counter offer and I'm not about to wait for one.


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Some of you know the Hubster has been going to a personal trainer with his friend, Kevin, for a few months now. This trainer is a chick and has been kicking their asses every time they have a session with her. People have started noticing her working with them and how hard she pushes them, so they've become "gym popular".


The training has really been paying off both for Al and Kevin, they seriously are transforming right before my eyes! It's magic really. So it isn't uncommon for people to stare at them while they work out with her. I mean, hello? Two hot guys sweating and pumping iron (gross!) who wouldn't stare right?


So one day they are doing their routine with the trainer when she says to Alex,


"So did you know you have a secret admirer?"


"Yeah right!" He scoffs.


"No, I'm serious!" She replies.


Albert looks at her and she has this little smirk on her face, so he knows something is up.


"It's a dude isn't it?" Alex looks at her skeptically.



She starts laughing and shaking her head. Unfortunately his secret admirer wasn't at the gym at that time so he didn't find out who it was.


After his work out that day he came home and told me of his so-called secret admirer and I immediately started thinking of how I could perfect my ultimate punch to take this Mother Effer girl out.


I ended up going to my quiet place to do my punch dance.




After that physical and mental work out, I was ready for anything.




So back at the gym a few days later, the trainer decides to reveal who the secret admirer is.


And yes, it was a dude.


Alex was so embarrassed (to say the least) and of course Kevin thought it was hilarious! Their trainer then told them what Al's admirer said about him, besides all the "he's hot" crap, my favorite thing his crusher said was...
















wait for it...



















"I want to get lost in his eyes."



Bahahahaha! Oh you should hear Al tell this story, it is the funniest thing ever.

"He wants to get lost in my eyes!"

Face palm.

Double face palm.

I don't know why he's so embarrassed, it's a compliment for Chrissake.


Of course I can't blame the guy for crushing on Al. Yes, the guy knew that Al is straight and very married but come on, this is Utah. You never know how many gay guys out there are married and supposedly straight. This state is full of em!


So I said "More power to you admirer!" Plus, he's got good taste so I had no hard feelings toward him and didn't have to use my ultimate punch after all. Which was kind of a disappointment for me but was for the best in the end.

For the record, no, Alex is not gay.

I repeat, Alex is not gay.

(I am so dead.)

And now the icing on the cake:

Al and I went to dinner the other weekend at Asian Star. At the end of the meal Al picked up his fortune cookie and read what was inside. He sat there for a few seconds just staring blankly at it. Finally he said,


"I think this was meant for you."


I grabbed it and beheld the most appropriate fortune I have ever read in my life:

An admirer is concealing his affection for you.

No Al, that was definitely meant for you.