If It Has Balls, It Must Be A Boy

Thursday night I wake up at 3 in the morning, I guess that makes it Friday morning doesn't it? Anyway so 3 in the morning I wake up to feeling like my insides were havin a fricken bowling party or something. In other words, my tummy hurt. So I got up and took some good old Pepto Bismol because that fixes everything right?


Apparently not.


So after arguing with myself for an hour of whether to go to the ER or not, the pain in my stomach finally won and I got my pathetic ass out of bed and drove to the ER. I was expecting kidney stones, but no, the doc came back after the test results were in and told me he wanted to take out my gallbladder.


Sweet.


Sure, why not? That's exactly what I wanted to do on Friday the 13th. You know, wake up, go to brunch, get my gallbladder taken out, maybe catch a matinee. It's the perfect start to the perfect weekend.


So I decide it's time to call the parents, who of course yell at me for not calling them earlier and blah, blah, blah. Come on, if it was just indigestion would you appreciate being woken up at 4 am to travel 20 minutes to the ER?


No, I didn't think so.







So pretty soon the whole fam shows up and I'm lovin it. Not the pain or the situation, just that my family makes the best out of any situation. Lin shows up with this card, balloon, and a large B&B Chai (Which I can't drink until after the surgery but still). The balloon says:


"We'll miss you"







The card wasn't actually for me, it was addressed to "Golly". She's so cute huh? And Logan drew me some sweet pictures of me and my cats, don't they look just like me?









Then Alyse shows up with some candy, a card and a balloon that says:


"It's a Girl!"











Apparently baby golly was a girl. Actually we're still not quite sure if it was a girl or a boy. Golly had a bunch of marble sized stones in it which my dad decided to refer to as balls, so according to him, if golly had balls it was definitely a boy.


Makes perfect sense to me!





And Gary shows up with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers! He's such a sweetheart. And my work also sent flowers, not because I had surgery, but because they felt so bad that I have to live with such a crazy little sister who draws penises on peoples faces.


Bout time they sent flowers for that.





So I was high on morphine this whole time so I was a little loopy.


Okay, a lot loopy.


And of course Chad shows up and decides to take it upon himself to push my morphine button for me.


"You'll thank me later" He says. Awwwww, big bro always lookin out for his lil sis.





So they made me stay over night at the hospital after the surgery and did you know that morphine apparently makes you forget how to pee? Yeah, I forgot how to pee. All this IV fluid going in and nothing was going out. I was going to pop like a water balloon. So this may be TMI but they had to give me a catheter to avoid such an explosion.


Little did I know they will not let you leave the hospital until you can pee, or "vacate" as they call it. So they say I'm good to go at 11 am but I can't effin pee!


I drink and drink and drink and have to pee so bad but when I try? Nothin. NOTHING. Why can't I pee? What the hell is wrong with me? I felt like a two year old, turning the water on in the sink and everything. My mom and dad anxiously waiting outside the door to see if I left a surprise in the toilet.


So long story short, they change my meds, go through another catheter until finally at 6:00 pm I peed all by my big girl self!!


I was so excited I walked out to where the nurses were stationed and yelled:


"I peed! I peed all by myself!"


After a few shocked stares from the nurses and other patients, my nurse comes running over. She was as excited as I was.


And of course I had to send out a text to everyone announcing that I finally peed and could leave the hospital.


I'm surprised Lindee didn't announce it on Facebook, she does everything else.


It was such a joyous occasion.












So now I am gallbladderless. What does a gallbladder do anyway? Girl or boy, I won't miss it.


Golly was such a pain in the ass.